Monthly Archives: April 2006

Parking – the Favourite Activity of Anti-Social Cretins?

Well, and here's me thinking I was all angried out this weekend. I decided to smoke a lot of crack cocaine this weekend and see how many posts I could fire out. I arrived at my girlfriend's place a little while ago and somebody (probably a reader of my blog who wanted to give me some fuel) manages to fire me up with one of my pet hates.

Why are people such ignorant pricks when it comes to parking? I think I've never seen anything bring out the worst in human nature as much as parking does. Go down to the shops and you will always see somebody acting like a homicidal maniac over something as banal as a parking space. Seriously, you're safer getting between a mother bear and her cub than between some people and parking space they have decided is "theirs". And yes, I've been on the receiving end of some psychopath diving into a parking space I was patiently waiting for, I know how angryfying that is and I'm not excusing it for a second.

That isn't even the variant I'm going mad over tonight. My girlfriend and I both live in an inner-city suburb and street parking is often at a premium, so when I stay at her place it's sometimes a struggle to find somewhere to park. This gets made worse by self centred cretins who take up more than one space. Maybe I'm being too judgemental, I don't know for sure that they're self-centred. They might be really fucking stupid.

What makes people do it? There's a space between two driveways that's clearly the right size for two cars. But not when some cretin decides to park right in the middle. Honestly, my therapist says I take things too personally. I bet that wanker in the van takes it personally when the bomb I wired up to his ignition goes off in the morning.

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A Fine Example of the Angry Internets

When I want a break from angry ranting on my blog, I like to do random searches for other examples of angriness online.  It's remarkable how un-angry some people seem who describe their sites as angry or even angriest but I did find the following gem:

The Angriest Rice Cooker in the World

It takes a special brand of genius to anthropomorphise a rice cooker to express angriness.

Enjoy!

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Post Traumatic Toilet Stress Syndrome

I was reading another blog last night and the author made a random comment that triggered some long-suppressed traumatic memories of my worst-ever workplace. There are many ways an employer can make you feel worthless, constantly belittling you, paying you much less than you know other people are getting for the same work or simply giving you really lousy facilities.

My worst-ever job combined all of these but there were some bizarre twists on what they did with the work environment. Not long after I started there, they moved everybody into one building. Previously, staff had been spread around different offices throughout the city. On the surface, this was a good idea but the twist was that the overall floor space was much smaller – on average, each person's cubicle space was reduced by 1/3 and almost nobody had offices in the new building. Even the managers became cubicle dwellers. And the cubicles had really low walls so there was no more avoiding eye contact with cow-orkers. This didn't bother me so much but you soon found out who the anti-social ones were.

Imagine the fun and games of anti-social office drones with no interpersonal skills being put in a situation where they couldn't avoid face-to-face contact with… humans!

The worst part overall was undoubtedly what they did with the kitchen facilities. They were essentially a crime against humanity. Each floor had a kitchen are that was nothing more than a narrow bench, about two metres long with a sink and a microwave. But that part was just annoying. The horrible part was that this was right next to the toilet doors. As in less than one metre from the toilet to where you were preparing food and beverages. And you know how most communal toilets have some sort of vestibule or at least dog-leg between the outside world and the facilities? So you don't see all the goings-on as soon as the door is open?

Not these ones.

A straight view from your lunch to this tiny toilet facility. And as some female staff members told me, there was no real barrier between the men's urinal and the outside world. If they forgot to avert their gaze while making coffee, they could end up with an eyeful. Although I guess "eyeful" depends who was taking a leak at the time.

So one more tip for the evil bosses out there. Are your workers getting a bit uppity or even comfortable in their lives? Put them in a really demeaning work environment – that'll slap 'em down.

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Idiocy, Insanity and Criminality

Just wanted to share another snippet I found when I was looking up the Dubya "I hear the voices" quote the other day. One of the many travesties visited upon the populace by this administration was wholesale illegal phone tapping. His supporters can argue all they want about it being the right thing, it's out and out illegal. And stupid. The bar for these clowns getting wiretaps authorised is so low (they can even can an authorisation after the fact) it beggars belief that they would break the law to do it.

And Dubya doesn't even argue the legality. His "defence" as such seems to be "I'm the president and I can do whatever I want." It honestly seems that descriptions like "imperial rule" aren't hyperbole, they're plain and simple fact. Anyway, he was found out and after agreeing to suppress the story for a year two journalist published the story and have since been awarded the Pulitzer Prize.

Now it isn't surprising Bush supporters bitch and moan about someone revealing their president, you know, broke the fucking law. It is apparently impossible in these people's eyes that Bush could be held accountable for anything. Literally anything. So hearing these foaming at the mouth blowhards saying the journalists should be sent to jail doesn't surprise me. But the level of hypocrisy exhibited by some of them is truly staggering.

One charming chap by the name of Bill Bennett had recently proclaimed himself a champion a free press by saying the press who wouldn't run the notorious Mohammed cartoons had "capitulated to Islamists". My own view of those cartoons is that it's a slightly complex situation but in short, you should be able to publish them and nobody should burn down buildings and kill people because of a fucking cartoon. Anyway, old Bill is all for a free press, publish without fear or favour.

Unless it involves his boy GW. Only a few weeks after championing a free press he say journalists WHO REVEALED ILLEGAL ACTIVITY BY THE PRESIDENT should go to jail. Yes, in a democracy. You hear that folks? These champions of freedom think exposing their criminality makes you the criminal.

These people must be utterly incapable of self-reflection. If they even tried to mentally process the mendacity of which they are guilty their fucking heads would explode.

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The Pundits Calling the Kettle Black

The whole idea of the role and prominence of pundits has been bubbling away in my mind since reading of a recent stir involving right wing pundit and blogger, Michelle Malkin. She seems to be one of the pin-up girls of the right, the other (who seems to be their favourite) is Anne Coulter. And let me just say, I really don't agree with the idea that Anne Coulter is sexy. Ignoring for a moment that she's clearly insane, the woman's a skank. To quote a tasteful bit of Australian venacular – I wouldn't touch her with someone else's dick. After thinking about it for a while – why does the right put forward Coulter as sexy when Malkin is way hotter – all I can come up with is she isn't white enough for the majority of their tastes.

Which brings me to the subject of race, which is at the centre of Malkin's little storm. Malkin has come down firmly against recent protests by Mexican nationals, protests centering on their status as illegals within the US. One of the things Malking did on her blog (she's in Technorati's top 10 so it actually matters what she does in her blog – unlike my inconsequential ramblings) was post the names and home phone numbers of some protestors.

Now this is fucked up. These people had to endure harassment and death threats from the shit-heels who like the reactionary crap Malkin goes on with. She copped a pretty severe blowback over this and received a torrent of abuse. No surprise that a lot of it was sexist (she's female) and racist (she's of Asian descent). This is plain stupid and it always happens. When you can easily attack someone simply on the grounds they're a fuckwit, why bother with racism and sexism?

But we pass through the looking glass when the lunatic fringe right gets up in arms over this abuse. Yeah, right – they're never sexist or racist. I agree that anyone who indulged in this gutter level response should be ashamed and I'll distance myself from them as far as possible. But I don't need these right wing pigfuckers who base what passes for their public discourse on racism, sexism, homophobia and lies moralising to me. I like the idea of pounding their Neanderthal skulls with a heavy cast-iron soot-blackened kettle.

It's intellectual violence! You see? You're the pot! You called the kettle black. Now the kettle is saying "Fuck you, shithead!"

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Pundits and Other Pond Scum

One of the saving graces of both politics and television in Australia is that the whole "pundit" thing doesn't seem near as entrenched as it is in the US. Sure, there are the usual talking heads on both radio and TV but from what I read and what I see on cable TV, it seems like this is the only style of mainstream news/reporting in the US. You have a very opinionated (and often very aggressive) "personality" telling you what to think rather than a journalist analysing events and giving you the ability to make up your own mind.

It's quite clear that the commercial networks would like things to go this way but it hasn't caught on. It's most entrenched in talkback radio, particularly in Sydney. If anyone reading knows about the recent race riots that occurred on Sydney's Cronulla Beach, the feelings that triggered this were stirred up in the week leading up to the violence by one of the main talkback jerks, Alan Jones. The violence went way past what he was hoping for and he mysteriously went on holidays the week after so couldn't answer any questions as to whether he accepted any responsibility for what happened.

But then again, he has a track record for being gutless and not facing up the results of his actions. About 15 years ago he was busted in a public toilet in London (hello George Michael). He whipped the old fellah out and waved it at a young chap next to him, saying the equivalent of "hello sailor". Turns out the young chap was an undercover cop so Jonesy didn't get the sort of action he was looking for.

So he was staring down the barrel of a rather embarrassing court case that probably would have ended his career (and possibly given him jail time given the ridiculous "public morals" campaign that had cops trawling gay beats in the first place). Lo and behold, the Prime Minister of Australia steps in and gets him off the hook. Jones promised to tell his faithful public "the full truth" when the court case was over. Well, the court case ended, the toilet trader came back home and it was all swept under the carpet. Never mentioned again.

Why is it the biggest blowhards are the most gutless at the end of the day?

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Are You Feeling Angry

When I’m feeling angry I tend to go for some cathartic therapy… like ranting in a borderline insane manner on a blog. Well, my kids actually pointed me to an alternative today, one that appealed to my twisted sense of humour. They love their internets these kids and they’re always finding new free games to play. The latest goes by the fairly innocuous title of “Interactive buddy”.

The first hint that this may be a little more twisted than the name suggests is when they describe the gameplay as “Imagine you have a buddy you can do pretty much anything to.” It turns out this “buddy” is basically designed for you to persecute. You get points for slapping him around, hitting him with things, blowing him up and setting him on fire. And you can change his appearance to look like a tellytubby (those damn tellytubbies are past due for a beatdown) or even a political figure you think needs some payback.

The really sick bit that appealed to me was that the buddy “learns” what you are doing. You can drop a hand grenade next to him and he stands there until it blows up. Then he knows grenades are dangerous and runs in terror when you lob some more. Ahhhh, Shakespeare couldn’t have written better comedy.

It’s on a whole bunch of game sites if you want to get some sick laughs – I know I enjoy it. I’m not going to link to any of them because, well, they’re not paying me to. Type “virtual buddy free flash game” into any search engine and you’ll find it. And if you’re thinking of saying this is sick and sadistic, it’s better to get this out of your system in a video game than in real life… or is it?

I’m going out for a while now, I’ll report back later.

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