Toilet Rules

A recent post by the very eloquent mixednuts explored the rather thorny issue of whether or not to wash one's hands after going to the toilet. I'm not above railing against toilet issues myself – especially toilet rules at work. In fact, it's only at work that it's an issue – after all what you do at home is your business.

The bizarre collection of unspoken toilet etiquette rules really does make me angry. Mainly because the damn rules are unspoken so nobody is ever sure what the rules are. Well, I'll tell you what they are in practice: when do men wash their hands? When somebody is watching. Come on guys, 'fess up: you only wash your hands if there is somebody to see that you didn't.

Mixednuts did wonder about how things may be different for males so I put a bit of thought into the issue and now I'm ready to provide a male perspective. One of the big questions she asked was:

"is the male schlong that clogged with microbes and viruses?"

Well, sad to say, the answer in some cases is probably "yes" but I can only speak for myself as I don't spend a lot of time inspecting other penises. In my case, I shower, put on my undies and for the rest of the day Mr Happy is protected – my dick is the cleanest part of my body. Assuming I don't have any "adventures" after my shower, the only thing that comes into contact with my dick after dressing is my own hands.

My original insight was that considering the filth my hands come into all day, it would make more sense to wash my hands before rather than after. My dick needs protection from the outside world, not the other way around. Then I noticed a guy at work actually doing this, so this is apparently not such a groundbreaking concept. Mind you, this same guy used a paper towel to open the door when leaving rather than touch it with his bare hand. I think he has issues.

So I have decided to take it to the next level. To show my confidence in my cleanliness, from now on if there is something that I want to be really clean I'm going to rub my dick all over it.

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Filed under Work

5 responses to “Toilet Rules

  1. and that will not make anybody angry. at all.

  2. Hey this is all about me – let other people work out issues their own way!

  3. Pingback: Angry 365 Days a Year » Blog Archive » Smelling like a tart’s hankie

  4. Bram

    It’s one of the ways to recognize a techie (or hypochondriac): you’re often touching customer equipment, who knows what filth is on there? And I’m not even talking about older tech, be it mechanical repairs or chemistry, where the very items and supplies you work with often aren’t particularly healthy. So you wash your hands before you go to the toilet, on the exact reasoning you employ: my dick needs protection from what I touch in the course of my work, not the other way around.

  5. I’m having this flash of a chemist mixing acids and not washinh his hands before taking a slash…. ARRRRRGH!

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