I’m a Little Bit Different

But not necessarily in the way you were thinking. I work in an office environment and I don't drink coffee. This is not unique but from my experience it is a little out of the ordinary. What makes me more different is I substitute hot coffee for cold carbonated caffeine carrying beverages. Lots of it and icy cold (preferably in a tall glass filled with ice – even in the middle of winter). I won't name the particular product here as they don't need the free publicity. If I become incredibly famous I'll sell my drink endorsement to the highest bidder.

And I seriously drink too much of it. Think of how much you would consider too much and I probably drink at least twice that. I know it's unhealthy (at least I drink a sugar-free variety) but it isn't as if coffee is nature's greatest health tonic. Anyway, what makes me angry is the stupid comments this little bit of difference generates. Just the other day I was getting a can from the fridge at around 10am and one of my cow-orkers said:

"Geeze, it's a bit early in the morning for that, isn't it?"

Now, by 10 in the morning, some people are on their 3rd coffee and nobody will notice. But apparently I can't have one can of cola. Actually, it was my 4th for the day, but he didn't know that when he made the dumb comment.

An extension of this is that, by and large, I don't drink alcohol and I never drink beer. As an Australian male who grew up in a country town, this makes me a bit of an aberration. This attitude is best summed up in a quote I saw somewhere (I think it was from Shakespeare):

Q: What's an Australian male's definition of a poofter?

A: Any bloke who likes women more than beer.

Sad but true. Where this attitude has prompted some truly stupid comments is when I have been in pubs that serve beer by the pint – in Australia these are often called "English-style" pubs. Two examples of what has happened when I wanted to join in the fun so ordered a pint of lemon, lime and bitters:

1: "Gee, you must be thirsty." Yes, because beer is not a liquid so there is something truly wrong with me ordering a pint of some sort of liquid.

2: In a venue that touted itself as "a posh pub" – "The manager doesn't want us to serve non-alcoholic drinks in pint glasses because it isn't posh." Yes, because serving beer by the bucketful is ever so posh.

I swear, even though, according to Homer Simpson, everybody listens to me because I'm a white male aged between 18 and 50, sometimes I can't help thinking Damn, whitey is keeping me down!

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2 Comments

Filed under General Angriness, Work

2 responses to “I’m a Little Bit Different

  1. first of all, can you say WEIRD! You ARE the anomaly my friend you most definitely are :)

    also, you know if i’d discovered blogging earlier, i’d have angry posts like daily? i CAN NOT handle idiocy by my colleagues. the fact that i can’t handle the general atmosphere is bad enough. they’re now trying to tip me over the edge by making conversation? and i use the term loosely i assure you :|

  2. Ohhhh yeah, nothing like the cow-orkers to make you crazy. While this blog is intended to be humourous it certainly serves the purpose of getting realfrustration out of my system.

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