Bill Gates is still going to hell

The recent news that the world’s 2nd richest man, Warren Buffet, it giving most of his cash to the charitable trust set up by the world’s richest man, Bill Gates, is interesting to say the least. The seventy squillion or so bucks they have to throw around could really change things in ways we probably can’t forsee right now. From suggestions the Gates Foundation could make the UN’s World Health Organisation irrelevant to fears the foundation might just be a backdoor way to make the rich and powerful more rich and powerful, the guesses of what will happen are coming in every colour of fanciful.

Maybe they’ll make the rich more generous because they don’t want to look bad by comparison. Maybe it will make the greedy more greedy because they’ll argue they don’t need to share now as Gates is covering for them. Or perhaps they’ll promise to give it away once they’re as rich as Gates. And it’s extremely likely this will be used as an argument for lower taxes – the argument being that rich private individuals can look after things better than big governments.

Whatever. Bill Gates is still going to hell because I have to use MS Office. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t come up with an addition to my list of “Reasons to punch Bill Gates”. This list actually exists. It is slightly shorter than my other list: “People who are going to pay when I take over the world.” But only slightly.

If I was being fair, I’d acknowledge that Microsoft products have done more good than bad (this is without even considering Bill G’s philanthropy as a mitigating factor). Work is undoubtedly better because of these tools. But fuck being fair, I’m being angry. I swear to fucking God, there are days when I almost put my fist through the screen. Most of the time I’m using Word for writing documents and the number of things it does to piss me off never ceases to amaze. Just in case anyone is jumping to the conclusion that I simply don’t know what I’m doing, by most standards I’m an advanced user. Done the training and all. But no amount of training can help you when the simple act of hitting the backspace key reformats your entire document.

What the fuck is that about? I actually know what causes it – MS use this bastardised HTML to format documents BUT THE FUCKING HTML IS INVISIBLE so you can’t see it so what looks like a blank line to you has some hidden code on it. When you delete that line (blank to all intent and purposes) you delete some code you don’t fucking know about and didn’t fucking ask for and Word is all “Ohhhh, you want to fuck up your whole document? OK, you’re the boss.”

And the way MS redefine “bugs” so that nothing qualifies as a bug really pisses me off too. When you perform a simple action that creates a catastrophic effect that could not possibly be what you wanted – that’s a fucking bug goddammit! If anyone ever develops a voice command interface for PCs they’d better not give one to me. The computer would have a nervous breakdown. Each time one of these insane things happened, I’d scream at it:

“No! Why did you do that? How the fuck could you possibly think I’d want to reformat the whole document to be in bold? All I did was backspace on a blank space between lines! Fix it right fucking now or I’ll put a screwdriver through your hard drive!”

Within days it would be suffering from Kicked Puppy Syndrome. It would be good if the computer has a working AI with voice response because I’m sure it would end up whimpering whenever I came near it. There would be this agonised pause before the computer executed any commands because it would be paranoid about my response. Essentially the relationship between me and the computer would be the same as the relationship between my worst boss and me. So here’s a note to AI researchers: don’t come up with a true computer AI unless you also come up with computer psychiatrists,

I’m sure Gates thinks he’s bought his way into history and the afterlife with his foundation (cynical, moi?) but it won’t work. It will probably work with history but he’ll be screwed when he reaches the pearly gates. I’m using Catholic imagery here because that’s what I know but feel free to substitute your belief system’s version of the afterlife. So Bill rocks up to the pearly gates and St Peter checks the big book.

“Hmmmm, Bill Gates III is it? Let’s see here… Distributed fifty bazillion dollars through your charity, cured cancer, cured aids, fed and educated the world’s teeming masses, ended poverty, oppression and war. That’s quite a list achievements. But guess what? Just before you got here I was giving a quarterly report to God and the PowerPoint presentation I spent 12 hours on fucked up and made me look like a complete tool! Now everybody’s laughing at me and I’ll be lucky to get more than the minimum pay raise this year. AND IT’S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!”

And that is why Bill Gates is going to hell.

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15 Comments

Filed under General Angriness, Work

15 responses to “Bill Gates is still going to hell

  1. it’s a good thing the HTML is invisible.. See if it wasn’t invisible, people might start to cotton on to the fact that Internet Explorer (Microsoft’s famous browser) supports error correction in HTML documents. BILL GATES IS THE REASON I NEVER LEARNED TO CODE WEBSITES PROPERLY.

  2. I read that in the paper, meanwhile Warren Buffet’s granddaughter is a nanny for some rich kids. Can you believe the irony? WTF would a billionaire make his granddaughter wipe some kids ass? How full of shit is this rat bastard?

    And don’t get me started on M$ and Bill Gates, the fucker.

  3. saly

    Hey now! BG is the reason I am an Educational Technologist and earn my money!

  4. I’m lucky, all I have to do in this world is deal with juvenile delinquents. However, I do cuss the reformatting fucker my ownself.

  5. Leon: OK I’ll back you on that.

    Range: I’m not sure Buffet has control over what happens to his grandchildren. I tend to agree with him regarding not spoiling kids or passing on “dynastic wealth”

    Saly: this is about me and my petty angers, not about real issues

    Sandra: Gates is sorta the same – an arrested development nerd.

  6. Paul Brown

    Never mind about the computer’s AI, I want that bloody paperclip to have a full AI; just uninstalling it wasn’t enough – I need the irritating little fucker to feel pain.

    “It looks like you’re twisting me into physically impossible shapes; would you like me to:
    o Scream agonisingly
    o Beg for mercy
    o Apologise for existing
    o Realise why I should’ve let you write your fucking letter in peace”

  7. Ahh, my nemesis, MS-fucking-Word. Mr. Angry, I imagine that you think you’ve plumbed the depths of Word’s burning lakes of hell. I’d like you to pause for a moment, though, and ponder the following: Imagine a guy who has experienced, like you, every imaginable evil that MS Word can throw his way. Now imagine that, on top of everything else, he has to use a fucking Japanese version of Word, at work, at home, every day of his pitiful existence!!
    please…help…me…somebody……..getting weaker…………………

  8. Paul Brown

    Kyklops – I would help you, but I’m too busy laughing at someone who is suffering more than I am. That’s why I’m going to hell, too.

  9. Salamaat,
    Don’t hate on Bill Gates. I admire his genius. So what nothing works properly and no one can fix it either..so what he is forcing his inventions on everyone with a PC…

    he certainly doesn’t give a damn and honestly i don’t blame him.

    And the fact he is helping so many people via his charities when he really doesn’t need to…is an awesome pat on the back for him.

    yayy for billie:)

  10. Paul: am I the only therapy you’re getting? ;)

    Kyklops: owowowowowow, I am suffering extreme pain in empathy with you

    Salamaat Maliha: there you go being reasonable again. What have I ever posted that would make you expect me to be rasonable on this blog :D

  11. paul mast

    I wished somebody would string Gates up by the nuts

  12. I’m a developer myself, I can agree with all these angers, however they are quite ‘end-user’

    Windows is a very rich yet easy to use OS compared to others, Most applications are designed for windows too! However, windows was never designed to be good, think about it, if it was, why would you buy the latest version of windows?

    There would be no income for Bill Gates and windows would go out as a FAD, because did you know, Bill Gates bought the idea from both IBM and apple, hes a dipshit when it comes to computers,

    as shown in the BSOD (blue screen of death errors) he keeps getting when he presents his latest versions of windows :-D Most commonly known is the 98 crash, however there have been others.

    And his security sucks, look at service pack 2 with its killbill and sasser worm exploits! But i guess its how he makes his money from the people who dont pirate his software.

    Kind regards,

    Alex Davies

    IT & Networking Solutions Developer for Signature Networks
    http://www.signature-networks.co.uk

    TGTBT Media Web Design & Hosting Services Administrator
    http://www.tgtbt-online.com

    As you can see, I am a rather busy guy! lol

  13. Stay busy Alex – better be careful about including URLs in comments, it made Akismet put you into spam moderation. On some days I might have missed your comment amongst the spam and deleted it.

  14. Kevin

    You shouldn’t hate him, he’s just trying to get by in life.

  15. Alphonse

    We try not to hate him, he just makes it so easy

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