I’m going to kill myself

UPDATE: I get hits from search engines almost every day for some variation of “I’m going to kill myself”.  This is pretty scary for someone who’s just messing around and having a good time.  The idea that someone who is looking for some help stumbles upon my drivel is a tad worrying.  So here’s some brief advice for anyone who has ended up here because they were thinking of killing themselves: don’t do it.  There’s no point me saying any more than that.  The millions of variables that could lead someone to think of killing themselves mean I can’t say anything more meaningful without knowing you.  So don’t do it.  You’re here now, there’s enough reading material on my blog to keep you busy for days.  Stay around and read for a while as you think things through.  Maybe you’ll find something to make you smile - I hope so, that’s my aim.  Start your own blog, vent your frustrations, scream out to the universe.  but don’t kill yourself.

UPDATE 2: I decided to include a link to one of the best pieces of writing I’ve seen on the topic of depression. It’s a letter Stephen Fry wrote in response to one he received from someone suffering from depression. Fry himself suffers from depression and his letter is honest, taken from his own dark experiences and yet it is still a powerful message of hope for better times.

As he says “It will be sunny one day“.

- – - – -

I can’t fucking believe this! I just lost an hour’s work on Blogger!  I usually compose posts on Blogger because its biggest advantage over WordPress is its auto-save feature.  But some weird combination of keys hit by me when my fingers slipped a little (I’m a shit typist) closed the window without saving anything.  No auto-save.  Nada.

This happens occasionally and I get heaps of valuable advice every time but I still do what I do.  It fucks up about once a month and I scream and swear but doing anything else seems like too much trouble.  So don’t feel too sorry for me.

This does mean my planned post for today (a follow up to the popular “Making IT workers less angry”) won’t be happening until tomorrow at the earliest.  I’m too fucking angry to re-write it properly now.  I might do a vlog later to get some anger out of my system.  That ought to be fun.

With that in mind, if you can think of your favourite really angry thing I’ve written, drop me a line in comments and I might immortalise it in video.

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71 Comments

Filed under Blogging

71 responses to “I’m going to kill myself

  1. saly

    Do you think Bill Gates cursed you and so this happened?!

  2. saly

    I have no idea why when I quote or link to your blog from mine, you receive a message from “Anonymous” and the post doesn’t show. I’m so angry with WordPress! Sorry, but the anonymous linking to your blog is me *blushes*

  3. Saly: I think that’s Bill Gates too! He really wants revenge on me.

  4. ooops! you really sound pissed, shld. get outa yer way! :D

    Bill Gates seems to be having a deep-rooted conspiracy against yah Mr. Angry!

  5. “fuck him in the neck with a stick”
    or something along those lines. I don’t remember exactly when and where it was.

    Yeah, happened to me too on WordPress. I just use stupid M$ Word now. Just easier, and spell checking is better.

  6. And you can backup your posts that way.

  7. Mayang: The influence of Gates is indeed mighty.

    Range: The problem with Word is it imposes fucked up formatting. Plus of course, Gates is clearly out to get me.

  8. Hell Boy

    the ways yo can close a window:1.alt+f4, 2.file menu+c, any other way?! if you closed yer winodow with those while typing yo’re really weird! jus a suggestion: type in somewhere else, surely not ms word! i use idiary & the auto save is great hhhmmm should i put a link here?! nah maybe it mark me as spam, do a google search yerself! lmao

  9. Ok, you can use M$ OneNote. I use it to store all those things I had written on txt files. It’s like a data warehousing for all your text files. What I like about it, is that when you cut and paste web pages, it gets the images and links. So if there’s something you want to consult, you just check it like that.

    What I do is that I use M$ Word. Then, when the post is ready, I open a txt file, cut and paste my post into the txt file and then paste it into WP. Going through the txt file takes away all the formatting from Word.

  10. Like I said in a comment a while back, if you know some basic html, you can just type it in a simple text document (don’t ask me the name of the fucking program, it’s in Japanese and I can’t tell ya!! it’s like Notepad or something) and then cut and paste onto your blog. I actually find that a lot faster than clicking little icons everytime I need some html…

  11. Salamaat,
    Awwww….that really stinks.I will have a word with billie about this.

    It has happened to me on word before..i write and write and somehow close it down and when i open it up i have like two lines instead of 13 pages or more..

    you learn to live with it..although it’s a feeling you’ll never really get over.

    damn billie.

  12. Everybody is out to get you – not just Gates! :-D

    I’d tell you where paranoid anonymous meets, but then I’d have to kill you.

  13. Grrr. I sympathise, I’ve had the same thing happen to me, usually because of a shit internet connection. And it’s always when it was something well thought out and half way good, a rare thing for me.

  14. Di

    I have to agree with the concensus, it was Bill Gates. He has these curse powers, which hasn’t worked against Apple’s iPod for some reason, or Sony’s PS2. But they work on individuals like yourself.

    Tell us how it goes if you decide to install Windows Vista. >_>

  15. Well, you are all very reassuring – despite being told repeatedly I’m paranoid people really are out to get me. I’m not sure why, but that makes me feel better.

    Oh, and Di, install Vista? Not in the next two years. First, I’d doubt it will actually be out before then, second if it actually comes out next year, I’ll let everyone else work through the bugs before I try.

  16. Vista, if your machine can run it that is.

  17. Yeah, thanks Range, I’d forgotten that point. The artificial bloat to force everyone up to more expensive machines.

  18. My #1 angry thing is trying to make a website on the computers at my school. They add invisible code. I don’t know how, but they do it. Imagine firing up the website right after you’ve sliced all the images and put them in line with the proper code and seeing things that AREN’T THERE. It is infuriating.

    You should use MS word or whatever the thing that comes with openoffice is.

  19. ok can sum one help me i really want to kill my silf but i dont know how???? please sum one gave my an idea or kill me please if u have an idea mail me [deleted by mr angry] i really want to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. I’m quite sure this is simply someone trying to slag off another person so I’ve removed all identifying information.

  21. fu

    please kill yourself

  22. go say to someone who cares what you say, loser. Oh wait, losers like you don’t have anyone who cares what you say.

  23. yo punk, stop smack talking me. im gonna kill you, well, im going to give you sooo many paper cuts with $100000000000 bills that you will bleed to death, cause thats how i roll.

    oh, and word press is my junk in the trunk yo
    peace out
    love
    love
    love
    you gonna die
    gates

  24. I’m gonna die of jealousy Bill. Death by paper cuts from all your money… there’s something poignant about that.

  25. PORSCHE

    i finna kill my self now

  26. dead

    why the f… do you care if I kill myself, My life is the shits, I don’t care and nobody cares if I care, I sit in front o fthe computer and get drunk and get even more determined to finish it… I am a loser, I could have done better, but I was not happy with what I had so I made it worse and now I have mADE it so bad I can’t stand it anymore. Nobody will cry for me, but I cry every day for the lives that I have ruined. I will probably be too much of a chicken shit to do it anyhow, and I won’t check back for any responses because I will never remember what sites I have been on if I am still alive, and if I am dead I won’t be checking. adios

  27. You’re a liar. And I’m not that stupid.

  28. loser

    i have let my parents down.it was the one happines that i gave them but now i have taken it away too.i have wasted their money.i tried to kill myself earlier but i failed.sometimes i wish i was dead.its more painfull when you hurt the people you love most.i am muslim from pakista.and i hate this whole society.i would also blame the system for this mess i am in.i know if i tell my parents the truth they might forgive me but they will be really sad and my relationship with my parents will never be the same.Allah have mercy on me.God have mercy on me.

  29. My only advice to “loser” (I’m going to take the comment completely at face value) is spend a bit of time interacting with people – you don’t have to talk about suicide but it’s amazing how simply contacting other people can help. If you want someone who might have a similar family experience to you, try starting with Suroor and “Lightness of Being” (Maliha) in my blogroll.

  30. slit wrists and bleeding

    i really dont want to here from some Politically correct, bored “artists” as im contemplating the finally minutes of my life. you are mean spirited by using the web site name you do…i needing,,,,,,,,,,,help. stop it

  31. You’re a liar. And an idiot.

  32. ty

    I wanted to kill myself and thats why i came to this page. i know it sounds weird but i liked that first paragraph so much it has calmed me down. thank you.

  33. I added that paragraph because I was troubled by how often “I want to kill myself” was showing up in my search engine referrals. I’m just trying to have fun. If I’m able to leave anyone in a happier frame of mind I’m happy.

  34. push

    Hi, I’m Jim from the UK,
    I just want to say that I do feel like killing myself.
    Everything’s gone wrong.
    Everybodies dying,
    I need a hug…

  35. Consider yourself hugged, Jim.

  36. justsomeone

    your right, I did come on here because I was thinking of killing myself .

  37. justsomeone

    wow, I just read jim’s comment. we should start a support group or something, this actually made me feel a little better.

  38. Well, I hope coming here at least gave you a little smile.

  39. justnoone

    PS: I like your picture, with the clown guy… awesome.

  40. You mean my profile pic? That’s me wearing a mask and being silly.

  41. 1. hey all my name is tina ang 20 from india i made up my mind it was time it was over ofter we had come so far i think there ,s enough pieces of forgiveness ,somewhere in my borken heart ,so tell me i what to killmyself welli have to go hell reincarnat if i do? i what to die ,to killmyself to finish my life because i see on whyout of misery if believe that ever afther death , everybodys hurts my feelling so i dont like a live life i what to die,

  42. Well Tina, I’m not an expert so all I can say is don’t do it. As long as you don’t do it, you always have alternatives – if you do it all your alternatives are gone.

  43. wow

    Funny that this is one of the top google sites for “I want to kill myself.” I want to, but I won’t. but it’s strange.

  44. It’s a little disconcerting for me. Maybe it’s a positive, if someone feeling that way ends up here maybe they’ll read some of the blog and my lunacy will distract them. I understand the feeling that it’s all too much but maybe if people pause for a while they’l realise suicide isn’t a good idea.

  45. To those who are interested in suicide, Go right ahead. With every death there makes room for another equally fucked up individual who will cause as much pain as you have felt. Although the single action of you not committing suicide, could mean that you do not give birth to another Hitler or George Bush. But hey you will be dead, and thus you wont care so whats the big deal? Well I don’t really know? what if there was a devil and he was just jumping at the chance to add your soul to his HUGE collection of sorrowful sufferers. Because we all know there are millions out there who are dieing and suffering and OH MY… OH MY.. LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS! If you are suicidal, then do something worth while with your death. Start an army, lead a revolution, Lead a country through a great war with alot of charisma. Do something… Death comes as easy as life, except keeping ither can be a hell of a pain. Try and keep someone from dieing, or raise a child in life. There not an easy thing. You are going to DIE, everyone will die its a fact. One day this whole planet will explode. So death is in our future…. but its the PRESENT that we are caught with. The NOW is happening, the present. If you dont like your life, just stand up and change it. FIGHT for it. KILL for it if thats what it takes. Do what you need to do for you…. thats all I have to say, because there is always another way

  46. freak

    im jay/ freak i want to diy 1 to jump of sum think i dont like my famly im 16 got no m8 no 1 likes me an if i dont kill me self im going to kill ppl i need help !!!!

  47. Mr Deranged: that’s certainly some food for thought.

    freak: Here’s my one piece of advice. I’m not guaranteeing it’s good advice but it’s all I have. Feelings like you describe are usually caused by what’s happening at a particular moment. As hard as it is to believe, that time will pass. I know when you’re at school and it sucks it seems like it will never be over. Bad times with family is the same – it literally is your whole life up to that point and so it’s easy to feel like it will never change. But it will change. Time passes. You’ll get new opportunities. It doesn’t stop things from sucking now, but if you hang in there, you have every chance of finding a better future.

  48. Just researching this because we have been engaged in the topic of mass murders in my talk group at peanuts listed above. I am a public figure so my email addy is not private at all.

    I watched the news tonight and I was astounded at the depth of thought Cho (hence just referred to as the “shooter” because this could be anybody.) put into his actions or plan of action. It is not a difficult task to kill yourself if you are serious. Taking others with you is a little more difficult but not that much as we have seen with the suicide bombers in relation to Iraq.

    Most of the thinkers I have read see this as a problem in the way society has turned in America. A quicksand of depression within personalities that is not a reversible trend. So my thought in all of this for today is – how are we going to live with this kind of event taking place “normally” in our society?

    Will

  49. mohamed

    i’m feelling like i want’s to kill my self now evry thing was bad i hate to live in egypt i hate to live insaide bublice place i just want’s to live my life as i want i want’s travel to the united states now befor after 2 minuts i want’s someone who can help me apout the travel to u.s befor i will kill my self my age is 16

  50. mohamed

    agin it’s me in the same of the time u know i’m frogot apout let my email adress it’s here (massari_massari1@yahoo.com) right please come and help me apout the travel faster i love america sooooooooooooooooooo mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmuch ok bye

  51. mohamed: sounds like you’re in a tough situation. From what little I understand about life in Egypt, I can empathise with your desire to live your own life. It doesn’t exactly have a reuptation for allowing personal freedoms. All I can suggest is taking things one day at a time (lame, I know). Each day you keep going gets you one day closer to a solution even if you can’t see it now. The travel to the US might be VERY difficult so I think you should focus on a different goal short term. Stay strong!

  52. Who Cares

    Fuck it, I’m out. Peace.

  53. survivinglife

    Hi,
    I stumbled on this blog because I was searching about killing myself. I’m glad you included that message at the top of your page. Thank you.

  54. Mr. Angry, I can’t really call your comments about Microsoft angry, as they are identical to the perfectly calm comments of every techie I know. And I live in fucking Southwest Louisiana, for Christ’s sake. As for the angriest thing you’ve written, I’ll just write that I so lazy I’m not even willing to keep reading until I find the angry stuff. So I’m hoping that that will make you angry enough to write some new angry thing. Best wishes, Slacky B

  55. But Slacky, you’ll never find the really angry stuff unless you look!

  56. Mr Me

    hello, I would just like to thank you mr angry – a few days ago i was on the brink of suicide and I read the top of this page and you stopped me. Litteraly 10 minutes later my girlfriend who had split up with me a few weeks ago rang to tell me we are having child!

    In the space of 10 mins I found out I now have a life. Thankyou so much mr angry.

    I must say that I think your name is just something you thought up – I think you are actually very kind!

    Mr Me

  57. i just wanted to let you know how grateful i am to you and your website. i was thinking of killing myself but when i stumbled on your website i found new hope. besides the fact that i fucking love australians, you guys kick major ass! i love your beer, your women, and your love for fucking both up at the same time just makes me so damn happy for living again. thanks a lot bro. take it sleazy. steve

  58. There are always choices. If I give anyone enough of a diversion to make things seem a little better than I’m happy.

  59. dead guy

    I just killed myself

  60. dead guy

    i killed myself again

  61. dead guy

    these pills are killing me again

  62. tsm

    wouldnt it be cool if all the messed up people could help each other?

    my fiancee’s mom just emailed her and said “i know i havent been the best mom, but i’m starting now. blah blah blah… get rid of that loser boyfriend of yours… blah blah blah..”

    you cant start being the best mom, the fact is that she fucked up from the start and now that her daughter is 24 she wants to be mommy again?
    i hope that lady dies alone after shes pushed all the people she loves to suicide. she lives off her husbands money. theres been a dead cat in her garage for more that 5 years and shes telling me to clean my house because i have a few pets? what a bitch. i hope she plans on never seeing her grand children.

    its not hard enough to live life.

    sincerely,
    “The loser boyfriend”

  63. Ben

    I have more of a problem with wanting to kill someone, I already got past wanting to die

  64. Sydney

    i jsut cut my rists.
    i want to die.

  65. Hi Sydney, it seems clear to me that you don’t want to die because you’re reaching out. I understand feeling bad, try reading this letter from Stephen Fry:
    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/it-will-be-sunny-one-day.html

  66. Danny

    I like the beginning message.. I’ve thought about suicide too, many times (I’m 16) but I’ve never really tried to do it or actually considered doing it. Why? Cuz I talk to mom (even though that sounds kinda stupid, she’s an amazing mom…) and I know teenagers have the highest thoughts of suicide. And ah, blogger… I post on it almost everyday ^^

  67. Pink

    I fucking wanna kill myself, too.
    my life is worse than shit.

  68. kurdu

    fuck this life,i’m gonna kill my self hate this fuckin life no one loves me!!!

  69. What difference does it make? Shunned by family. Distance and years from those who were friends. The only people in my life now are those that see my weakness and take advantage, take money, take self.
    So… What if there’s something better out there, do you think I don’t deserve peace? Must i stay? After being held hostege in a shed by my own father… deficating in a thermos. After homelessness. After raising myself from ashes only to be stolen from by a drug addict. After abuse. After dreams have died.
    I remain a nobody. Nobody you know because I don’t like the way the world looks anymore enough to go out in it. I’d rather sink into the dark unknown in blind hopes of finding something beautiful.

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