Women appal me

A more accurate heading for this post would be “the actions of some women appal me, make life more difficult for all women and either confuse men or reinforce negative behaviour in men.”  But really, that’s too long a heading for a blog post and I’m shallow enough to resort to a an inflammatory, attention-grabbing heading when I see an opportunity.

The specific behaviour that is appalling me the most at the moment is the behaviour of the women who are dating a friend of mine.  Their behaviour starts to be appalling when they agree to date him at all.  He’s about 45, not much to look at, not fabulously wealthy, the possessor of a range of disturbing personality traits and he refuses to consider dating women who are (a) over 30 and (b) fail his measure of attractiveness (a measure he would fail dismally if it were applied to him).

Essentially, although he’s a friend of mine, I think it’s fair to characterise him as a prick.  Vain, self-centred and shallow.  And he does very little to hide his nature when he meets these women.  Amazingly, not all of them run screaming for the hills.  Some of them even put out.  What the fuck is up with these women?  Lift your fucking game already, you’re letting the whole team down!

He regularly asks for my opinion and/or advice (basically because I’m happy and he isn’t) and I regularly refuse to give it.  Because he doesn’t fucking listen.  Every now and then I’ll snap and be unable to resist giving him advice.  The advice will usually be some variant of “Stop what you’re doing!  That thing you’re doing, (and the particular thing will change from time to time) stop doing it because it’s a really fucked thing to do!” 

But why should he listen?  These women keep lining up for dates and he keeps getting semi-regular sex (which is how he measures success) so he can’t understand why I tell him to change his behaviour.  Maybe I’m more concerned for his immortal soul than he is.  I keep telling him “You’re 45 and single, this is probably your last chance going up to bat.  Stop fucking it up!”  But his “results” suggest to him he doesn’t need to change.

From my experience in dating, the biggest thing he has going in his favour is that he doesn’t have any kids (that puts a lot of women off – rightly or wrongly).  Like I said, he’s not much to look at but attractive women as young as 20 are going out with him.  He’s not fabulously wealthy but he is a successful professional so I guess at least some of them are “after his money” but it still doesn’t make much sense to me.

Ladies, if you want my advice, don’t try and change men.  Men aren’t going to stop being pricks as long as there are ANY women who’ll put up with it and even reward it.  Plus, it leads men who aren’t pre-disposed to act like pricks to think they’d be more successful with women if they WERE pricks.  Focus your attention on changing women who put up with this shit.  The enemy within always does more damage than the enemy outside.

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26 Comments

Filed under General Angriness

26 responses to “Women appal me

  1. my wife says, “maybe the guy’s just good in bed, so get over it.”

    and then she added, “sometimes girls just want to get laid too. In fact, when they’re under 30, that’s generally what they want.”

    anything else, dear?

    no, you cannot have his phone number! besides, you’re over 30.

    “fuck you”

    hmmm. think i’d better submit :}

  2. hahahahaha. He’s not that good in bed, or at least that’s what he tells me. And there’s no way they could know that *before* doing the deed. It’s just one more reason for me to despair of humanity in general.

  3. See. I consider myself a reasonably nice guy, for a total bastard, yet I have been divorced for two and a half years, always treat women with respect and courtesy (unless they are standing in the middle of an aisle in a shopping centre) and haven’t had any for two and a half years… There’s also the fact that I’m butt ugly, perpetually broke, have two kids and drive a pulsar and…..

    Fuck it- just hand me the shotgun.

  4. I followed a link to your journal from another journal and I’ve been reading some of your excellent rants!

    This one caught my eye in particular. I’m pleased to inform you that were I ever approached by your friend, I would run for the hills. That said, I’m 32 so I suppose I’m out of luck.

    I, too, fail to understand why women flock to him or those like him but it’s something I’ve seen before. One wonders if his ‘girlfriends’ are perhaps lacking in self-respect.

  5. You guys are crazily funny!

    This comment doesn’t quite fit here but I had to tell you – Mr. Angry, there are many women who love you. I personally find you to be a great and genuine person. Just hope I don’t appal you ;)

  6. From your description of the man, which I’m sure is quite accurate, I can’t understand this myself. The only thing I can think of, and this is a phenomenon I’ve observed in more than person, is that men who are quite persistent, and have no shame, therefore trying it on every woman that they consider worthy of their attention, have more success, simply because they have more opportunities for it. They probably get a whole lot more rejection than the average man as well.

    This of course is not to encourage those men that fit the same description as the subject of this post, to just be more persistent in their pursuit of desirable women, some, many in fact, just wish to be left alone, though being all of 33 years myself, I can rest assured that I’m safe from this sort of character.

  7. Salamaat,
    there’s something in it, for the “nice” guy vs. the “jerk”. Women somehow love jerks…they are irrestitible, magnetic, most of the time at least have looks which make up for their lack of a personality.

    I am not sure how it works with a 45 year old prick who gets a lay here and there..but i guess if you keep trying, you wouldn’t miss a few straggling women?

    Anywho, I have a good friend who had a choice between a man that adored her, good stable, kind hearted all the good stuff…and a jerk who wouldn’t call for weeks, leaves her hanging on the thread, unsteady, tempramental etc. and guess who she pines over?

    its pretty pathetic. I am cool with my nerdy, kind, sweet hubby :)

  8. Women somehow love jerks…they are irrestitible, magnetic, most of the time at least have looks which make up for their lack of a personality.

    Not this woman. But, yes, it does seem to be a common trait.

  9. gruntski: sounds like my situation :) I found someone lovely, I’m sure you will too.

    tender hooligan: you see, you sound sensible.

    suroor: most women don’t appal me :) especially not my blog readers

    michelle: I think you’ve hit on it – he’s absolutely shameless. A success rate of 1% doesn’t matter if you try hundreds of times.

    Maliha: Salamaat, us sweet nerdy types find the right woman eventually :)

  10. Oh no, not the dreaded nice guy argument. Nooooo.
    The guys that whine about how nice they are, they are the absolute worst.

    Also, those forty-five year olds hit on me sometimes, but I tend to not give them the time of day. I think it’s the persistent and shameless thing. (Somehow I’ve gotten one attracted to the blog though, which is really annoying. Guy’s not taking the hint. In person, hanging off the arm of a friend tends to work.)

  11. That’s like us girls telling you to change your mate- truth is, he will change- he’ll reach 50 and retire and then realise that the only sex he’s in luck of having will be from his hand or a nearby street-hooker. Guyslike that will always be around. Alas, thankfully, I’m not the sort who’d go for the “Asshole” facade. :)

  12. ‘Ladies, if you want my advice, don’t try and change men.’

    The only time you can successfully change anyone is when they are in diapers.

    The women that go for this type of men are better off spending their time on a therapist couch finding out WHAT THE FUCK their problem is. :-D

  13. candice: I don’t use the “nice guy” line. Not much anyway. The thing that’s disturbing me about my friend’s behaviour and subsequent success is that he isn’t even a “bad boy”. He’s just a bit of a dick.

    happychick: good for you! This guy’s likely to retire to south-east asia at 50 and spend his twilight years in sleazy bars.

    Sandra: nicely summarised as always :)

  14. tender hooligan: you see, you sound sensible.

    Oh, I’m very sensible me. *ahem*

  15. And also of discerning taste, what with reading this blog and all.

  16. It’s the pheromones. We got some strange ones here in Taiwan as well. Micro mini skirts all around Taipei in cold weather, you wonder why.

  17. … discerning taste

    Oh that for sure! ;)

  18. range: now you’re making me jealous!

    tender[hooligan]: perceptive and witty too :D

  19. michelle: I think you’ve hit on it – he’s absolutely shameless. A success rate of 1% doesn’t matter if you try hundreds of times.

    Hmm… as a type would guys like this perhaps be the original spammers?

  20. Angy American

    Mr. Angry,

    Why worry about what your friend does with his love life, he is old enough to decide how he lives his life. It sounds more like your jelaous that he gets laid by young good looking women. He is doing what most men want to do but can’t or won’t.

    You sound like Oprah, not an any “man”

  21. These men are akin to blog spam.

  22. Amandine

    Article hit a little too close to home, Angry American?

    Resorting to questioning gender specificity to an OP because you don’t agree with what you think the subject at hand is seems pretty immature. Come back with a justifiable argument. As an American, using such a title in your name makes the rest of us cringe because of the unwarranted association.

    It was my understanding that this post was attacking the kind of people who reinforce his friend’s less-than-savory behavior, not really the friend himself, although I suspect there was some glee in reviling the horror in said friend’s behavior. The OP has come to terms with his friend’s “social skills” (they’re still friends, right?) I think he’s shaking his head at the fact that, time and time again, the friend gets away with his double-standards because the people who reinforce it let him.

    Conditioned response. If every single woman this stellar friend of his ever met were able to see through whatever song and dance he plays to get them in the sack, he’d probably change his game. I’m sure a good handful of them are pitching for the low-self-esteem team, but there are also others who may not see it, may not care, or give him the benefit of the doubt a time or two before he moves on to the next attempt.

    Honestly, the friend doesn’t seem very interpersonally mature, I don’t think many women would stick around long, regardless of age, and maybe there’s kind of a sad safety in that, for him. Commitment and real relationships scare some people.

    There are plenty of eaqually vain, self-centered, and shallow women under 30 who probably see him as an easy target, as well, who may just be looking for a few free drinks (or hey…free dinner! Most 20-30′s I know aren’t exactly rolling in cash. Tuition ain’t cheap) and a guilt-free lay, since he seems like kind of a jerk anyways.

  23. Amandine

    Oh heavens, I should check the dates on these threads before I post. Live and learn.

  24. Don’t let the passage of time put you off Amandine, your comments are more than welcome.

  25. Jock

    you’re just jealous.

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