Virgin worship, anal sex and oral sex

You know what?  I feel guilty about all the people who end up here looking for porn.  I want to give something to these people.  I still think you should read the whole post, it was quite well-received by my regular readers and I think you might find it entertaining and even insightful.  But just to reward you for dropping by, here’s a porn video:

So much for today’s gratuitous search engine baiting in the blog heading. It is a source of continuing amusement to me how many searches for sexual terms get pointed to this blog. All those horny desperadoes finding themselves on a web page that contains more words than pictures. And no porn. Never mind, horndogs, at least you might find an entertaining diversion here.

This post is actually a (semi) serious response to an issue raised on Suroor’s blog. Why the hell are so many people so obsessed with virginity? The focus tends to be on female virginity (admittedly, there are some people who place an almost equal stress on male chastity but they’re a small minority) which raises obvious issues of double standards. Why is it so often the case that men are excused if they have sex while women are expected to be virgins?

One contributor to focussing on female virginity is that there’s an artefact that ostensibly proves or disproves female virginity – the hymen. But this is where it devolves from an unhealthy obsession into pure insanity. A hymen in and of itself proves nothing. There are a plenty of reasons besides sex for the potential absence of a hymen (from medical procedures to accidents and doubtless other causes). And there are plenty of things a woman with an intact hymen can do that stretch any concept of purity way beyond breaking point.

There is this whole purity/chastity pledge/born again virgin routine that’s popular with American evangelicals that is absolutely astonishing in its hypocrisy. And another point, why is it so often the case that media reports about virgin obsession in Islam focus on it being the oppression of women while reports on Christian virgins are all about purity and the celebration of God’s love? Those damn brown people…

Anyway, while many reports are keen to point out how many eager young Christians are taking the “virginity pledge” they’re likely to gloss over how narrowly those teens define “virginity”. Apparently, these teens are way more likely to indulge in oral and anal sex than “impure” teens. Who knew taking it up the butt was the path to eternal salvation? It reminds me of the scene in “Clerks” where the girl gets pissed off at her boyfriends because he’s had sex with about six other women while she’s only has sex with two men which makes him some sort of slut. The it turns out she’s sucked 37 dicks.

Now, if you really put these hymen worshippers on the spot they’d say that all the anal and oral sex is wrong too. Most of them would, anyway. But where do you draw the line? Is kissing/groping/making out OK? So a woman who had sex with one man she loved is less pure than a woman who makes out with a different football team every night (but never has actual sex)?

And as I was saying before, often the weird obsession isn’t even about sex, it’s about the hymen. I remember reading a story years ago where a father was saying he wanted to sue the driver of a car that ran into his daughter’s car because she “lost her virginity” in the accident. I was intrigued and read on – were the daughter and the other driver overcome with emotion and commemorated their shared experience by having sex? No, it turned out the father was claiming the impact broke his daughter’s hymen meaning she was no longer a virgin. The other driver had therefore devalued his daughter and should pay compensation.

This attitude is nothing short of fucked up. It’s the sort of mentality that leads to the hideous practice of surgically “re-creating” the hymen. Nothing will get through to idiots who believe this is a sensible way to behave. Actually, a few solid punches to the face might work. Even if it doesn’t work, it would be fun to try.

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47 Comments

Filed under General Angriness

47 responses to “Virgin worship, anal sex and oral sex

  1. You have hit the virgin nail on its head! You must get this published in the local paper. The post has highlighted everything anyone ever wants to say about this whole virginity BS.

    While virginity for a newly married couple is extremely important to me, personally, I also believe very strongly that it should be for both parties involved. A man and his wife both must be virgins otherwise there is no point.

    I read it too somewhere that those who take the “virginity pledge” are doing everything but ‘the act’. How useful is it then? Like you said “Who knew taking it up the butt was the path to eternal salvation?”!

    One thing that is very common in many Arab communities (and actually against Islamic teachings that emphasize on keeping sex life strictly private) is to show the bloodstained bed sheet to everyone (from close family to friends and neighbours) the morning after the wedding as proof of the bride’s loss of virginity. It is the most ridiculous practice I have ever come across.

    OK, I’m publicising this post on my blog now. Thanks Mr. Angry. You are a true gem!

  2. If a girl engaged only in oral sex she’s a virgin? Oral sex is not sex… woah!

    Girl, you got a guy’s c*** in your mouth… that’s sex in anyone’s book.

    Great post.

  3. ROTLMAO!
    (honest when I read the HEADing)

    …now to backtrack and read the post.

  4. Virginity. Where I grew up women were supposed to wear an off-white wedding gown on their wedding day to show the family and guests they were not a virgin. Protestant and Catholic people could not marry. My generation broke that belief.

    Pure white was reserved for virgins.

    I was raised Catholic.

    Sex is another form of human contact whether it be anal, vaginal, oral… or on the finger, the elbow, toe, stomach or back.

    I have been accused of living in sin (unmarried and living with a man) or dis-owned (way to many times) by people who have broken the commandments themselves. It broke my heart.

    Virginity is something we each get to choose how to lose, when and where to lose, excluding extraordinary circumstances where one could lose their virginity against one’s own choice.

    Quite honestly many women take their own virginity before any man could. Women explore to ;)

    Great Article Mr. Angry.

  5. Virgins are crap at sex. Why the big fuss about them? I know when I was a virgin, I was also crap at sex.

    My idea of paradise is NOT 100 virgins – what a pain in the ass that would be. Give me 100 women who know what to do with my bits any day…

  6. Salamaat,
    This post is a true gem Angry! The emphasis on the hymen contributes to all the weird definitions people put on “sex.” I read an article about this, apparently everything but the actual act of penetration is what a lot of teens define as being a virgin.

    It’s really sad…

  7. Virginity……do I remember that? NOPE :-D
    Am I sorry I don’t remember that? NOPE

  8. The virginity issue has nothing to do with chastity, which is a related issue. In the old partiachal societies, virginity was prized to prove the woman had never had inercouse that produced a child, and that no bastard would appear to claim an inheritance. Women were chattel then, property of the fathers, and then the husbands. They were also closely watched to ensure that only the husband’s children, hopefully sons, issued forth from her womb, so that the property and bloodline could be passed on.

    This fossilized thinking still exists in male dominated societies, including many part of our own in the US. Islam prizes not only virginity before marriage, but also modesty and chastity.

    Of course, SOME men will screw anything that moves, but women are kept to a higher standard by MEN, as potential mothers of their husband’s children.

    It the Bloodline, stupid!

    Oral or anal sex can also transmit STDs such as herpes, and herpes can cause all kinds of birth defects.

  9. You know… I’m 20 years old and I really don’t think I know any virgins… at least out of my friends. Even some of the losers I know got some vagina. People who go crazy over they hymen issue are stupid, tampons can break them as well.

  10. me

    if a guy wants a girl that hasn’t been touched by anyone else but him … still understandable. i mean who likes to stick his dick into holes where another guy’s dick has been… that thought is lol ^^ but making the virginity all up on the hymen is totally weird!!!!!!!!!

  11. Fi

    what an absolute crock of shit that she lost her virginity by being involved in a crash……..what a moneygrabbing, fuckwit of a man to come out with that! Awesome post though love!

    In a weird coincidence, the first paragraph of todays post on my blog is also about the shit that people search for and find my blog – how odd! I wrote that at 7am (ish) this morning at work (it’s now 7.30pm here)

  12. Fi

    sorry 7.30pm on the 30th (tuesday) x

  13. Suroor: thanks! I think it’s the focus on something completely arbitrary that’s the problem. Look at the whole person and the whole situation.

    Haleem: yeah, when people obsess over definitions they do weird things.

    Jessica: I had kids out of wedlock, how bad am I? We were both from catholic families too! But both families knew the relationship was based on love and so they were supportive.

    Paddy: right on! I saw a comedian who used the line: “100 virgins? That aint paradise, give me one dirty girl from Vegas and I’ll be happy!”

    Maliha: Salamaat, I agree, focusing on the hymen is wrong – you lose sight of the fact there’s a whole person involved.

    Sandra: I’m with you! :D

    Irving: good point, that hangover of the “property” era is a big part of it.

    Nikki: valid points! I think if everyone is free to make informed choices they’ll make the right ones for themselves, whether it’s to be a virgin or not.

    Me: I try not to think about other guys ;)

    Fi: moneygrubbing and incredibly insulting to his daughter. P.S. I love coincidences :)

  14. Hymen?
    Isn’t that a strange music label from Germany, from the parent company Ant-zen?

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  16. What Irving said, the focus on female virginity in particular is all to do with the old fashioned patriarchal notions of women as property, basically. If it’s equally important in your society for the man to be a virgin upon getting married then I’m sure there are reasons for that, and fair enough. I don’t agree with the focus on the hymen here, it’s expecting virginity from girls, and only girls that is the problem in and of itself.

  17. Borba Spinotti

    You know, I’m amazed that we got so many comments down the list without anybody mentioning parallels between Not Invented Here syndrome (“I’m not touching no code that sucked another man’s…”) and the virginity ideal. Oh well, now I did. Rock on, Mr Angry!

  18. Range: I thought it was the name of Maxwell Smart’s robot friend on Get Smart

    Michelle: They’re both facets of the same thing. Uneven expectations between male and female are wrong. Focusing on something so arbitrary as the hymen is plain weird.

    Borba: Nice one! For non-IT people, Borba is referring to a common attitude in IT circles where developers don’t want to touch systems they haven’t developed themselves.

  19. this title is very inapropriate i OBLITORATOR X3 demands justice

  20. Nope, the title was explicitly accurate. I discussed all three topics. Now, my post title “Michelle Malkin’s secret lesbian sex tape..” that’s a different matter. That’s totally misleading in every significant way.

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  23. as much as i loved the article

    i came here for the porn, and i am ashamed that you have mislead me

  24. Red

    I like anal sex.

  25. Canopy: no porn but some quality reading as a diversion

    Red: I don’t want to suggest I disapprove of anal sex. I just think it’s a funny alternative for someone who thinks she’s a virgin.

  26. Drew

    I think this is a great article, but I recently came across some other articles on THIS EXACT TOPIC that I think deserve some attention:

    Promise Rings, Abstinence, and Anal Sex

    http://redkingrising.wordpress.com/2007/02/14/promise-rings-abstinence-and-anal-sex/

    And then Abstinence Pledges Make you Horny:

    http://redkingrising.wordpress.com/2007/02/09/

    And then The Morality of Abstinence-Only Sex Eduction, more scholarly:

    http://redkingrising.wordpress.com/2007/02/08/

    DISCLAIMER: I have no affiliation with the site above, so this is not spam. I happen to think this guy and his Bill Maher-esque take on things is quite spot on.

    But so is yous, Mr. Angry….so is yours.

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  29. Clairedeluna

    I go to a Catholic school in America. I think out of all Catholic theology classes, America’s are the worst. Partly its due to the impact of Vatican II and the “Liberation Wave”. The Catholic schools DO inform students that the actual act as well as porn, oral sex, and other forms of maturbation are sinful. However, they inform this when students are in the junior year of high school, or at least at my school, which I find to be way too late. I knew kids from the Catholic schools doing it, what I would consider really early, in seventh and eighth grade.
    But I have had really good friends that told me “you have your whole life to ‘do it’, you don’t have to start now, you can wait a bit”. I also know alot more girls are more disillusioned in thier relationships, so thier willing to do those thing to “prove thier love”. I think guys just use these girls.
    I don’t think they should start informing kids in the 1st grade, but when they start disscussing adult issues, they should really get in depth. I think too many parents are really scared that thier kid will know too much knowledge, but if thier kids knew everything, maybe they wouldn’t do some really stupid mistakes.
    And another point with this is that there is NO way to prove a man has had sex, but there is a pretty good indicator for women, that’s why I think women have always been more pressured into being “pure”. I know alot of women have done bad things, but as a teen, not being a virgin seems to come up time and time again.
    But there is also a big difference in the ways that Catholics will brace a non-virgin before marriage as opposed to Islam. In modern day religions, Islam is one of the most extrem in culture regarding this issue. Thier tradition holds them to do acts that as a nation, not just a religious issue, that we find simply Barbaric.
    Many people will tell you that Islam is a religion of peace, but so has the Catholic religion. Someone will mention that we killed people in the crusaides, but no one will mention crusaides that the moors or modern day Islamists do. Or that the crusiades of Islamists are justified because we opressed them in some way. When the moors came through, we were more than justified to use that today, as many arguments Islamists use the crusiades today.
    I';m against the relgion fundamentally due to Sharia. Sharia allows for any “believer” to lie to a “non-believer” because they’re an infidel. I would think that any religion of peace would say otherwise to create harmony, not destroy it.
    At this point I’m going to leave on that note and wait for rivers of flame in my mail.

  30. I’m not going to flame you, you’ve managed to start thinking about the topic in a rational way, my advice is to not stop thinking – once you’re convinced that you’re absolutely right and don’t have to think any more you can safely assume that in reality you’re horribly wrong in some way.

    Just a note, Sharia law is only supported by a minority of Muslims – Sharia does not define Islam. And I grew up catholic too, I know a lot of catholics (including those residing in the vatican) who would be very happy if they could enforce their idea of morality in terms very similar to Sharia law.

  31. anonymous

    this is retarted–because christians dont follow their religon nayway–so wats the point of posting this

  32. anonymous

    ill have to disagree with Clairedeluna because it is a sin or unlawful in islam to lie to anyone– like u siad informing kids by junior year of what should be expected sex wise is late. Muslims are taught from teh begining not to fall in that trap. it is a bit of society’s fault that they would be having sex-if parents use religon a way to make sure kids stay on teh right path that should be a good thing. Sex before marriage helps prevent STD’s, unwanted pregnency, and problems in marriage. So why shouldn’t this issue be stressed.

  33. It’s a sin in christianity to lie. Guess what genius? Religious indoctorination is not a guarantee of behaviour. Some of the worst sex offenders consider themselves devoutly religious. The point of this article is to point out that this ibsession is pointless.

    And to have a few cheap laughs.

  34. GYNECOLOGIST

    Virginity is nothing to do with hymen….If somebody has oralsex or anal sex it is more sexual activity than a vaginal intercourse-at a vaginal ex she can be “passive” et the oral ?? So Virginity is a status what you can give for somebody once in your life…It is a big present. If you give a lot of present for a lot of people it worth less…I see in my practice a lot of persian or arab girls who had oral sex with a jewis boy and after months she lost also the hymen… . 3-4 intercourses the boy is leaving then the next is coming it is easier he tries evrithing(oral,anal …)he is leaving…the next is coming So the muslim girls can not solve this trouble they do not have education they have taboo feeling with the sex at the end if they are not virgin they are in promiscuity with a lot of experience. Nobody wants to marry but evrybody wants to fack….Worst than the europeans- the can solve this trouble. So muslims :It is better not too have oral nor anal and vaginal sex. There is no tradition and educatin for this life.
    Virginity :Not to be tached by a man. Not cunnilingus, not fellatio, not anal, not vaginal not ejaculation on your body

  35. Thanks for the feedback. I, for one, would support someone who has no sexual contact above someone who fetishises the hymen and indulges in all manner of sexual activity but claims to be a virgin becaus ethe hymen is intact.

    Mind you, I think people would be better off if they didn’t spend so much time freaking out and repressing sexuality. Then people (particularly young people) might be better educated and more confident in making informed sexual decision whether that was to have no sex, one partner or multiple partners.

  36. lifebylisa

    I loved the difference you pointed out with bible thumping, hypocritical Christian’s and their outlook on the same concept from Islamic teachings. Well, I do recall spending time back in the old bible belt, and it seemed to be one of the reasons I quit believing all the hell and damnation fable.

    I was shocked recently when watching a documentary on HBO interviewing girls that some were in the fifth and sixth grade, and the things they did and claimed to still be “virgins”. Made me blush, and my virginity has been long gone for many years now.

    Thanks for posting this, it reminds me once again that I’m ever so grateful I have sons and not daughters. What an eye opener.

  37. lisa: the whole obsession is really weird to me.

  38. you’re one sick fuck.

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  40. Mike Paahana

    cherry girls are da best to have sex with u canteach them everyting they will need to know, plenty of them no like blow job right away

  41. Leila

    Hi,
    I just came across this blog and thought I’d comment, but yea I’m an arab myself, and I’m not so sure about the blood-stained bed cloth being shown to close relatives and neighbours..
    but yeah, its true that us Arabs are obsessed with virginity, cos somehow it shows the girl is pure etc.. and there have been cases where girls have been shot/murdered cos they weren’t virgins on their wedding night.. and even if they’re not killed, they may end up being divorced and exposed as a result.. hence why I did the Hymenoplasty surgery, it cost loads but hopefully it’ll do the trick of making me virgin again. Many of you may think that its a waste of time and money, but when you’re in a situation where you’re EXPECTED to be a virgin you’ve got no other choice, it really is a life or death situation. Also, many would argue that society shouldn’t have these kinds of expectations, but what can I do? Nothing. So that really isn’t a really smart come-back.
    Well, I’m virgin…Again. And I can look back and say ”Been There, Done That” Sex was great.. and I look forward to losing my virginity again in July ;)

  42. promise rings are very memorable to me because i gave a promise ring to my girlfriend who became my wife after a year :

  43. sammy

    If you arab girls have to be a virgin on your wedding night and are scared your husband finds out why do you lose your virginity anyway, your marriage will be based on a lie that is really sad. And i am guessing you have to show a blood stained bed sheet or at least bleed or you wouldnt get hymenoplasty you do know that a lot of virgins dont have a hymen right. If girls keep getting hymenoplasty men will never change their perception on virginity and its the 21st century. well if you get this operation done then your as bad as the guys who demand a pure bride in which case i do hope your husband finds out and he divorces you.

  44. DorGood

    My most liberal interpretation of the bible would indeed declare that a woman who sucked a million dicks and never once had vaginal sex could indeed be called virgin (as the test of virginity has always been the presence of a hymen), but that still wouldn’t prevent me from considering her to be a fornicating whore (at least in the past).

    In summary: fornicating does not implicitly imply the loss of virginity.

    Sometimes my bible studies make me feel like a lawyer. :-)
    At least I feel like a defence lawyer and not a prosecuter after a rape conviction based on hersay as is so often the case. Or even worse a prosecuter who convicted a catholic prist of homosexual child abuse based solely on hersay testimony of the “victim”.

    #Leila@March 20’th 2010
    This is why I consider living in a somewhat atheist country a good thing, because the evil doers will feel no need to hide themselves or their ways (I’m not calling you an evil person, just talking). It makes choosing a good person that much easier if they are under so little obligation to be good in the first place. This of course ignores the extremes such as the USA and it’s feminist ally countries where parents are locked up in jail for distributing nude photos of their children based on a twisted extreamist moral code of the bible (the list of injustices in the name of protecting children and wives could go ON AND ON AND ON, the common man is considered the equivalent of worthless GARBAGE in the eyes of the USA judical system), and the other extream where God and goodness mean next to nothing and where lieing and deciet and merceless persuit of profit are considered nessisary traits in a man (aka corporate culture USA especially the monetary,military-industirial corporations, I would have to classify my own uncle under this catagory (or at least just his wife – pure merciless greed)).

    I feel for your situation, you should be allowed to live despite your past. I have a few possible solutions in order of preference:

    Marry the last guy you had sex with.
    You can’t be called an adulterer, because he was the one who supposedly took your virginity (or at least the last one to do it). If he does not want you, then this won’t work.

    Don’t get married and live in celebacy.
    No stoning, because no adultary took place. You just might have to live with a certain amount of stigma and possibly financial hardship (consequences are consequences, though I do wish you the best).
    If the last person you had sex with latter decieds to marry you, you will be free to do so (as far as I know). I consider this the best option.

    Be honest about your sexual past and find a muslim man who does not care about your past.
    This is a good sounding solution, but it does have it’s draw backs.
    It depends on your ability to get the permission to marry another from the last person you had sex with (I am not certain on the validity of this permission concept, as it would immediatly permit group sex as a possibility). This need for permission is based on my belief that voluntary lose of virginity is the equivalent of marriage.
    If the last person you had sex with later wishes to marry you, you would be considered an adulterer for having married (even if this were true that would not mean that your continuing in the marriage would be considered adultery, only the initial act, I’m not suggesting divorce to get back together with past lovers, which I would have to consider a “double” adultary divorce scenario). This would also make your husband an adulterer for marrying a woman who belonged to another (at least from my christian perspective).

    Wait for the last person you had sex with to die and then marry who ever will have you.
    I assume there is no prohibition on widows marrying in the Muslim faith.
    Once the last person you had sex with dies you could no longer be considered an adulterer in marrying another man.
    This has the drawback that it might take a few decades of celibacy to wait for that guy to die.

    Kill the last man you had sex with and marry any muslim man who would have you.
    Almost every problem solved. You can not be considered an adulterer and neither can your future husband, and you don’t have to wait decades to do it.
    The only draw back is that you would now be a murderer and would have to face the consequences (which would be worse than adultary).

    Damn! That was fun to write!

    Overall I must discurage the use of surgery as it only serves to decieve your future husband, you should be honest and upfront with your husband in ALL matters (unless as I mention later your or someone else’s life is at stake). While the surgery isn’t inherently an act of adultery it still does not make you a virgin. It would make you into an adulterer AND a deciever. However if the mere knowledge that you had sex without your parents knowlege could get you stoned regardless of the issue of getting married again, then I can’t blame you and I don’t consider you a deciever. In the same way a man who is forced to commit evil acts with the threat of death is not himself evil, though it would be best to do the right thing even under the penalty of certain death.

  45. DorGood

    dang! not only was that the longest comment it was even longer than the initial blog by at least a 26% factor.

    take THAT angryaussie. THAT made you angry didn’t it. YEAH! HAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

    Never mind me I’m just suffering from sleep loss delirium as I like to call it.

    Nigh-Night.

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