My egg disability

I hate cracking eggs.  Whenever I need eggs for cooking I always screw up somehow while cracking them.  Either I make a hideous mess or I get pieces of shell in the cooking or some combination of both.  My girlfriend, on the other hand, can crack eggs quickly and flawlessly.

This is very handy when she’s with me but at the same time, it serves to highlight my incompetence.  I know those bastard eggs are laughing at me.  “Here he comes,” they say, “the so called Mr Angry.  More like Mr Can’t Perform Basic Kitchen Functions.  Let’s watch him screw up again.”

Smug bastard eggs.  I’ll teach them.  I’m gonna fry them up good.  And the fucking frying pan is gonna be really hot.  I’m gonna fry up eggs I don’t even want to eat.  Just to stop them laughing at me.

Bastards.

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15 Comments

Filed under Home Life

15 responses to “My egg disability

  1. Draw faces on them before you break them.

    It’s all about motivation.

  2. And I hate frying them!

  3. engtech: the ones I used actually have little smiley faces on them – my kids insist on getting them. Since you said this I’m been thinking of making a video where I smash one of their smug smily faces.

    Suroor: I hate frying bacon when it spits hot oil at you.

  4. When you go to fry your bacon, use a griddle pan and watch the heat.

    Fuck I could hit up a bacon sangwich right now.

  5. Ah, Easter coming up… that should be fun for you… Eggs, coloured eggs, chocolate eggs, eggs laid by bunnies, eggs that people hide in the backyard….

  6. gruntski

    Maybe we should investigate the possibility of marketing and selling the worlds first “PRE CRACKED EGGS!!!”

    Then again, maybe I should SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! :-)

  7. maybe you should join paranoid anonymous. I’ll tell you where they meet……if anyone will ever tell me.

    You MUST have a bit of length on your thumbnails to crack eggs properly. Crack egg, stick your thumbnail slightly in and out comes perfect egg. OR, stick your fingernail in too far and wear it for a thumb decoration. :-)

  8. Benjamin: Bacon sandwiches are the best!

    Gruntski: that’s an awesome marketing opportunity!

    Sandra: well, I’ll have to stop biting my nails…

  9. davidbowman

    i hate eggs, they make me sick. But i;ve never had any trouble breaking an egg.

    Yeh! you fry those eggs good. That’ll show ‘em.

  10. Can’t let these eggs get the upper hand!

  11. Recognize your limitations…use Eggbeaters.

  12. An egg beater would be satisfying but wouldn’t solve my problem with getting eggshells in everything.

  13. 1994cg

    I,somehow, burnt the eggs last weekend. gosh….

  14. Aislinn

    I think the Eggbeaters(tm) that brokebbmer was talking about was the pourable egg stuff that comes in a carton.

  15. 1994cg: I’m sure they deserved it

    Aislinn: Ohhhh, we don’t have such things here.

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