For a while now, I’ve been thinking about writing a series about people who should shut the fuck up. God knows there are enough people out there who need to have it said to them. I’m normally one to favour calm, reasoned argument (yes I am, shut up!) but sometimes it would be really cathartic to scream in someone’s face: “Shut the fuck up!” So that’s what I’m doing.
The tipping point for starting was Sheryl Crow’s ridiculous and widely derided suggestion that people should be limited to one square of toilet paper when they use the toilet. Another YouTuber made a video about it and asked me to respond, asking “doesn’t this make you angry?”
Hell yes it makes me angry. The idea that from now on any conversation with a global warming skeptic will have to start with five minutes of “No, I’m not saying you should be forced to only use one square of toilet paper,” seriously pisses me off. I’ve already heard the defence that “it was just a joke,” and it has no effect on how angry I am.
Guess what Sheryl? Your music is shit and your jokes are worse. Saying something that mind-numbingly stupid will haunt environmentalists and conservationists for years to come. You’ve provided the idiots on the right (and, to be fair, the intelligent people on the right) with bucketloads of ammunition. You’re officially their new mascot.
The YouTuber I was referring to uses the name JustA11en (I think his real name is Allen). He is a conservative and a global warming skeptic. He’s also intelligent and prefers well reasoned argument. He took Crow’s statements at face value because there was no indication he should take them any other way. It’s bad enough to give people like him such an easy target but the idiot fringe are out of control.
Rush Limbaugh is saying “But it was not a joke. This has been on the wacko environmentalist list of ’50 Things to do to Save the Planet’ since the late eighties” (that’s a quote from his website). The fact that Limbaugh is spouting such an idiotic lie should not be a surprise (what the fuck is he even talking about? What environmentalist list?) but Crow set the standard for idiotic statements. Here’s a tip for Sheryl Crow (and for anyone who isn’t a comedian): use irony sparingly. Far too many people don’t fucking get irony.
Stephen Colbert can do irony because he has created a finely crafted character. Anybody who isn’t a complete idiot can basically pick that Colbert is essentially saying the opposite of what he truly believes most of the time. You’re not Stephen Colbert. You’re not even Rich Little.
Just shut the fuck up.