Monthly Archives: April 2007

My Mood

Allow me to sum up my current mood and indeed my whole life at the moment with three words:

Moving.  Fucking.  Sucks.

6 Comments

Filed under General Angriness, Video Blogging

Laughter Therapy

I don’t know about you but my stress levels are fairly high lately.  But rather than sit back and let my brain explode I decided to get some therapy.  I’m too cheap and lazy to actually go out and get any professional therapy so I decided to take matters into my own hands.  This video shows my cure-all for a bad mood – laughter therapy with my kids:

I recommend keeping this link handy for when you need therapy.  Maybe even forward it to anyone you know who needs help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkuABH3vcM4

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Filed under Video Blogging

The Angry Pedestrian

I’ve sounded off several times in the past at things stupid pedestrians do to make me angry but of course I’m often a pedestrian and there are many stupid things people do to me in this circumstance that make me angry as well. First and foremost are dickheads who apply “the rule of tonnage” to pedestrians. Namely, “I’m bigger than you and made of metal so you’d best watch the fuck out.”

The fact that pedestrians are squishy and vehicles are hard has resulted in all sorts of laws and protocols that attempt to provide some sort of balance. These include things like footpaths, pedestrian crossings and crossing lights. None of which are a guaranteed protection against some of the fuckwits out there. The most extreme examples that I have personally been subjected to include:

Being with someone who was hit by a bus while he was standing on the footpath. As large buses come into stops they tend to “swing” in at an angle which results in their front end crossing well onto the footpath. This happened to my friend – he was completely on the footpath (not leaning out onto the road as some dickheads tend to) but he had his back to the bus so he didn’t know what it was doing.

The fucking bus driver, on the other hand, was looking straight at him. The driver didn’t stop despite the fact he was heading straight at a pedestrian. He didn’t slow down. He didn’t change trajectory. He didn’t even beep his fucking horn in warning. And the prick acted like he’d done nothing wrong when my friend accosted him. 

Luckily, all my friend received in this case was a shock and a bruise but there was a case in Sydney when a bus did this at speed and hit a semi-famous soap star and sent her flying through the air. She was knocked out when she hit a wall but more through good luck than good management she didn’t suffer any permanent injury.

Another instance I recall is when a dickhead bike courier nearly took me out while I was on a footpath. The spandex-clad moron came barrelling around a corner on a crowded footpath and missed me by a few millimetres. It’s unlikely he would have killed me but it would have hurt like hell. By the way, I don’t know about where you live, but here you aren’t allowed to ride bikes on the footpath. So, beyond being a dick, he was breaking the law.

In my shock I uttered a fairly quiet “fucking moron!” Spandex boy took offence at that, stopped his bike and leaned threateningly towards me saying “What did you say?” Now, I really fucking hate bike couriers, they’re such ponces. In Sydney they tended to hang around in groups, clearly thinking they’re cool and above mere mortals. I always wanted to yell at them “It’s a fucking job, not a sub-culture you knuckle-dragging wankers!”

Anyway, one thing working as a bike courier tend to do for you is give you pretty impressive muscle tone. This guy was taller than me (not hard – I’m a shortarse) and had way more body mass. He knew he had these advantages and was trying to exploit them to the max. But I was really pissed off. I literally screamed in his face “I said you’re a fucking moron! This is the footpath you ignorant prick, I hope you get taken out by a truck at the next intersection!” This scored some laughs from the other pedestrians and made the dickhead back off. And it sure as hell made me feel better.

One more story, this one about a pedestrian crossing. I have people tell me they deliberately don’t look at cars when they’re crossing a road where they have right of way. They think this puts all the responsibility on the driver. Maybe it does but most car drivers don’t give a shit about you. I do the exact opposite – I stare right into the car driver’s eyes so they can’t pretend they don’t see me. This also gives me a pretty clear indication if they’re not going to stop and I have to jump out of the way.

In one case, I was crossing a fairly narrow road in a suburban shopping street. Their was one none-too-generous lane in each direction, cars parked on both sides, lots of people and a speed limit of 50km/h. Not the sort of place you expect some dickhead to come speeding down the road. So when I saw I guy thundering down the road at around 75-80km/h in his V-8 tiny penis compensator straight at the pedestrian crossing I watched him very closely.

I kept expecting him to stop and he kept not stopping. I had only taken about three steps which put me right in front of him and he was only a short distance away and still not slowing down. At the last second I jumped out of the way (literally) and he chose the same moment to slam on the brakes, creating a cloud of smoke and drawing quite a lot of attention to himself.

So I got back to my feet and started walking again. This fuckwit had the nerve to the try and make it my fault. He said something out the window along the lines of “You’re supposed to look before you cross the road.” That was it. I snapped.  I stopped and seeing as the wanker had his window open to impart his wisdom to me, I took the opportunity to impart straight back at him.  At the top of my lungs.

“I was looking you fuckwit, that’s how I avoided being run over!  This is a fucking pedestrian crossing!  I don’t wait for you, you wait for me.  Not running over pedestrians is not an option that you get to decide on a fucking whim!  And there’s a speed limit here as well!  Just shut the fuck up and piss off before I call a cop!”

It’s amazing how good I felt after that.  Sometimes it’s the little things that can brighten you whole day.

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Filed under Driving

Things I almost did for April Fool’s Day

I had a few ideas for April Fool’s day that I didn’t go with.  The first was that I was going to drop the Mr Angry persona in favour of becoming Mr Serious.  Mr Serious would take everything seriously.  Far too seriously.

Mr Serious would take issues that were either utterly inconsequential or obviously jokes and treat them as if they were the most serious issue in the history of humanity.  The one goal in life for Mr Serious would be to convince the world how serious everything was.  Except serious issues.  He wouldn’t touch those.

I didn’t do Mr Serious as an April Fool’s joke because I might actually do that character for real.

Another thing I though of doing for April Fool’s was the following video saying I was doing an ad for a bank.  I didn’t do it on April Fool’s Day because I was too goddam lazy.  I did get around to doing it the day after – I hope you like it.

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Filed under Video Blogging

Still angry after all these years

Just to show that yesterday’s post was an April Fool’s joke (apart from the stuff about milestones – that was true) WHY THE FUCK DO SOME PEOPLE BRAKE AS THEY APPROACH GREEN LIGHTS?  Some people hate drunk drivers.  Some people hate fast drivers.  Some people hate slow drivers.  I just really fucking hate stupid drivers.

I can think of two frames of mind that could contribute to someone braking as they approach a green light.  One would simply be when they are too fucking stupid to remember that green means go (this is actually the camp that I suspect most stupid drivers belong to).  The second option would be that they think “Hmmm, that’s been green for a while.  It might change before I get there and I don’t want to have to jam on the brakes at the last second.  I should start slowing down now and see if it goes red.”

If this is the case with you, may I suggest the following: fucking deal with it already!  I’m no fan of the people who speed through orange lights (or worse yet, red lights) but braking while the light is green is stupid.  It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy: of course the fucking light will change if you slow down enough.  Here’s what the different colours actually mean:

GREEN: Go.  How simple is that?  Just. Fucking. Go.

ORANGE:  If you can stop without slamming on the brakes then do so.  If the light turns orange just as you reach it, it’s perfectly acceptable to go through.  You don’t have to jam on the brakes and you don’t have to slow down while the light is still green.

RED:  Stop.  Not speed through because “it only just turned red.”  Not go through because you’re impatient or you’re frustrated with how many times you’ve been stopped in traffic.  It’s pretty bloody simple really.

Having to go to work sucks.  Having to drive sucks even more.  Having to deal with flat-out stupid people in traffic raises the whole thing to a new level of sucktasticness.  I’m in a nostalgic mood still thinking about my past year of posts.  To go back to one of my early outcries: what the hell is wrong with you people?

14 Comments

Filed under Driving

My WordPress-iversary

Well, I made it through March so that means I’ve officially been blogging every day for over a year.  I managed to get past 200,000 views before the end of the months as well which was nice (just one of many milestones I wouldn’t have dreamed of reaching when I started).  I am going to keep going but this feels like the sort of momentous milestone where I should make a major announcement about my future, so here goes:

From now on I will only blog in a positive tone.  No more angriness.

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Filed under Blogging