Monthly Archives: October 2007

Why do I blog?

So, the inimitable Funky Brown Chick has asked me “why do I blog?” This is a multi-answer question for me. The most obvious answer is in the “Why am I doing this” section of this blog. I describe the blog as therapy – if I vent my anger here I theorised I would be less angry in day to day life.

While that’s obviously tongue in cheek, there’s an element of truth to it. My girlfriend for one will vouch for the fact my moods generally have been better since I started blogging. I’m a big believer in the benefits of catharsis. Venting anger in a way that doesn’t physically harm someone is a lot healthier than letting it build up until you burst a blood vessel in your brain or go on a shooting rampage.

It’s more accurate to say that I wanted a creative outlet. I’ve always been a pretty good writer and I’m a firm believer that writing is a skill like any other – the more you do it, the better you’ll get. So I was actually quite methodical when setting up the blog. I had been working on some material for doing some standup comedy and decided I might get more feedback on what’s actually funny by writing a blog. I could test out material here and use the most popular bits in a routine.

Standup is hard. And it doesn’t provide a very rapid feedback loop. You get the instant feedback (or lack thereof) from a live audience but if some material doesn’t go over all that well you can’t really come back the next day and try some new material. With a blog I could try whatever I wanted, see the audience response and try some more the next day.

I made a couple of choices before I even started. First, I was going to do it anonymously. I’m a contractor and the IT community in Melbourne is too small, too conservative and too gossipy to take a huge risk career-wise. So I decided to invent a persona. Honestly, Mr Angry isn’t me. He’s a mouthpiece for a few things I want to say but more often he’s a character who says things I never would myself.

The other decision was to be disciplined and regular with the writing. The name “Angry 365 Days a Year” is not a coincidence. I decided up front to set myself the target of writing at least one post every day for a year. Which I actually managed (just). There were a few close calls but some new content went up every day for the first year.

Since reaching that milestone I’ve relaxed a little. Now occasionally a day or two will pass without me posting and I won’t freak out. Oh and I abandoned the idea of doing standup as well. Too hard. Too 20th century. YouTube killed that idea for me. Only the biggest name standup comedians in the world get a bigger audience than even a fringe player like me can get on YouTube.

Which brings me to the last big reason why I blog. I want to make a career of this. I’ve been a bit vague on exactly which direction this will take as I enjoy both the writing and the performance side of what I’ve been doing. But there have been a few positive developments in the last year. I’ve made a few thousand dollars doing videos for The Fizz on DirecTV (which has paid for camera upgrades and my broadband).

And then there was the New York possibility I mentioned a month or so ago. A journalist with one of the US broadcast networks had approached me about being interviewed for a segment on an upcoming show. For what felt like the longest time it continued to dangle as a possibility with no definite answer one way or the other. Now I finally have an answer. Sadly, I won’t be going to New York.

I’m going to LA! Yes, Mr Angry is going to Hollywood. In two weeks. I fly in on the 14th of November (unless something changes). So if you’re from the LA area, let me know. I definitely want to catch up with as many people as possible while I’m there. As you can see in this video, I was quite excited by the news:

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Filed under Blogging, Video Blogging

Help me promote the Melbourne YouTube gathering

So I mentioned previously that I’d been to the YouTube party in Sydney and had a great time.  Now I’m in full swing organising the gathering for YouTube users in Melbourne (known colloquially as AusOne) which will be in Federation Square on December 1st.

One thing I don’t think I mentioned about the Sydney gathering was I stole a bunch of YouTube shirts.  And they’re all too small for me.  So I’m giving them away.  After asking for suggestions on YouTube for what people should do to win a t-shirt, the best suggestion was that they should go to people who do the best promotion for the gathering.

So, if you feel like helping me out, come up with some creative ideas to get the word out.  Here’s me showing off the t-shirts:

If you’re interested, let me warn you: the shirts are really petite sizes.  I actually tried on the XL one and I could barely get my arms through the sleeves.  And let’s not even get started on how my gut hung out.

I have a slightly significant post planned in response to a question Funky Brown Chick left me on voicemail (call 0403069148 in Australia, 61403069148 if you’re overseas).  She asked me why I blog.  A fair question.  And since she asked, I’ve received some major news that makes for a really good answer.

But I’m too damn tired to write it now.

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Filed under Video Blogging, YouTube

A Halloween Message

OK, I got a question.  How fucking stupid are people?  Because I had to deal with some real idiots today.

To give a bit of background: Halloween isn’t a big thing in Australia.  If you went around trick or treating people would think you’re a freak (which, come to think of it, would be kind of appropriate for Halloween).  But there’s a American food store in a nearby suburb (I think they cater to homesick American expats) that runs a daytime trick or treat event for kids.

The idea is you show up on the Saturday closest to Halloween (which was today) and you go from shop to shop getting lollies.  My kids think it’s awesome.  And this year I decided to dress up with them.  So I’m walking down the street wearing my zombie mask, crazy wig and bloodstained, tattered clothing and I’m getting some damn weird looks.

It looked like people were actually scared of me.  Because I looked a zombie.  In a Halloween event.  A really well-publicised Halloween event.  With dozens of other people wandering around in costumes.  In the middle of the fucking day.  And it isn’t as if I was lunging around deliberately trying to scare people.

Well… there was this one kid.  Little bastard wouldn’t stop staring at me.  So every time his mother wasn’t looking I lunged towards him with my tongue hanging out making gutteral noises.  A little harsh perhaps, but I don’t take shit from three-year-olds.

Anyway, the whole point of me going out in public dressed as a zombie was so I could make the following video without people staring at me.  But they did anyway.

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I am the new god of YouTube

Well, maybe not. But at least the featured one of my videos on the new YouTube Australia page. And my scary visage has been prominently featured on the global YouTube page for a couple of days now.

A little while ago, myself and a few other Australian YouTubers were asked to do a promotional video for the launch of YouTube Australia. This was what the “party” on Tuesday was about – it was considerably more a media launch than a party but I met a few cool people anyway so that’s OK. The individual videos were spliced together into a promotional video which was featured on the various YouTube home pages.

And the thumbnail that everybody sees is a closeup of me. Which should be more than enough to put anyone off Australia. They even used my tag line in the video description. YouTube Oz, people!

The funny thing is I think they fucked up the editing. They did a pretty logo that I think was meant to be the thumbnail but they timed it wrong and ended up with me instead. More proof that I’m god’s chosen one. Another funny thing is the comments. A fascinating collection of stupidity and self-loathing. If you want to lose all faith in humanity follow this link to read them.

The main thing is I had fun. I kept my camera switched off when drunk but here’s some stuff I shot while sober:

I’m almost recovered from the trip and the late nights now. Back to the angry.

Oh, for a blast from the past, this is the video they featured:

It’s rapidly moving up to become my most viewed video. I guess being featured will do that. This isn’t my best video but I like it – and at least I said “fuck” in it.

Some people might wonder why I disabled comments for this video as I usually engage with morons in comments to show them up. Well, it’s because the sort of fuckwits who were making comments were beyond stupid. I’ve always found the reaction of obsessed cubers funny and I always left the negative comments up but seriously, the commenters after being featured were fuckwits. Fuck all of you pathetic worthless negative wankers.

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Filed under Video Blogging, YouTube

Australian Federal Election – Arrogance and Lies

Consider this my application for a job with the Australian Labor Party. I love doing something this partisan because someone always blows a blood vessel because they can’t tolerate the idea that you’d take a position that contradicts theirs. It’ll be fun to see a few people humiliate themselves with idiotic comments.

For those who don’t know Australian politics, here’s the background to this video. The first one pictured is John Howard, current Australian Prime Minister. The second one is his deputy, Peter Costello. Howard has been PM for more than 10 years and he made a deal with his deputy to retire and hand over power. Then he broke that deal.

In their public spat, Howard was called a liar for not keeping his word and Costello was called arrogant for not waiting. The rest kind of wrote itself.

I did it in the stereotype election campaign ad style – slow zoom on photos with dramatic music. So what do you think – do I have a future as a political lobbyist?

And I LOVE the way the thumbnail came out.

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Filed under Politics, Video Blogging

Packing for Sydney

Here’s a video I made of me getting ready for my trip to the YouTube party in Sydney:

I’m in Sydney now.  It’s just as well I packed ahead of time because I forgot to set an alarm, slept in and missed my flight.  I only missed it by a minute and was able to get on another one 15 minutes later (I only had to pay a $50 stupid tax.)

At first the hotel said I wouldn’t be able to check in which kind of sucked because I needed a shower.  But they got a room ready for me so now I am refreshed and heading off to the party. 

Don’t forget to call the angry phone on 61 403 069 148.  If I hear it I’ll answer (sorry Funky Brown Chick – I didn’t hear it ring when you called!)  You never know who you might end up talking to!

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Call the Angry Phone – 61 403 069 148

I’m a very lazy man.  And yet I got suckered into 4 hours of yard work today.  As a result I’m suffering physical exhaustion and pain the likes if which is quite alien to me.

So here’s a video I did before I got totally knackered from hacking through six months of weed growth.

And that really a number you can call me on.  I got it mainly for the YouTube gathering.  So I could give out a contact number but, you know, ignore it if I wanted to.  I have no idea if anyone actually wants to call me or not but it’s a pre-paid phone so it doesn’t cost me anything.  If you do happen to call me it’s fairly likely you’ll get voicemail.  Which I may use in a video for my own purposes.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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Best fucking quotes – the annotated version

In my original draft of yesterday’s post, I included an explanation for most of the quotes I chose. I decided to run them unadorned because I thought maybe people might want to copy the quotes into emails and I thought I’d make that easy. So today I bring you the annotated version along with a video version.

I just love my swearing.

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.
I thought this was the perfect starting point: swearing isn’t necessarily gratuitous – sometimes it’s weilded with the precision of a tool.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens
It was hard to pick just one of Hudson’s lines but this one did it for me. Who hasn’t felt this way about some yuppie prick who’s screwed them?

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket
The whole post was nearly Lee Ermey quotes from Full Metal jacket. Swearing was invented for this man.

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America
In this quote the character was talking about why he wanted Ethel Rosenberg to get the death sentence. I thought it was (besides being a fine bout of swearing) a poignant reminder of some of the excesses of the current US administration.

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist
She was such a cute little girl but she swore a blue streak when she got going.

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski
The Big Lebowski is another movie that offered dozens of good swearing quotes but I liked the philosophy behind this one.

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun
Besides the sheer brutality of this quote I liked it for that fact that before this movie Ryan Phillipe had been a rosy-cheeked teen heart-throb.

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour
This is part of a long diatribe where the character says “fuck you” to pretty much everyone in New York. It’s an awesome soliloquy.

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft
In case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://battellemedia.com/archives/001835.php

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface
Tony Montana is another one who provided dozens of quality swearing quotes – I liked this one because it was relatively subtle.

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks
This part of Hicks’ routine is hilarious – it goes on for a while and he keeps repeating “there’s no joke here – just kill yourself.”

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet
I once saw a TV modified version of this movie where they replaced the work “fuck” with “freak”. It made Frank’s speeches very weird.

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull
When Joe Pesci swears, you believe he means it.

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin
From the man who built a whole routine around the swear words you can’t say on TV.

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa
There’s something about an alcoholic Santa who swears continuously and indulges in anal sex in shopping mall change room on his breaks that appeals to me.

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor
I used this one as it was one of the few times Pryor opened his mouth and didn’t say “fuck”.

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush
Again, in case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://www.ronsuskind.com/newsite/articles/archives/000032.html

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut
What better way to round things off? Swearing really doesn’t hurt anyone. Fuck anyone who says different.


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Best Swearing Quotes Ever

“Life is a four letter word” – Lenny Bruce

Even Lenny Bruce, the master of profanity, knew how to be subtle. But sometimes subtlety simply doesn’t cut it…

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Quality swearing compiled for you at http://angryaussie.wordpress.com

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Filed under General Angriness

Hating Haters

Did I mention I was in a mood?  One of my subscribers on YouTube egged me on by asking me to make a video speaking out against haters.  I don’t need much prodding to attack this target.  I’ve gotten so used to haters that I don’t think about them much any more.  It’s almost a Zen experience when you realise how truly meaningless they are.

But it’s still fun to have a go at them.  Plus I like giving people tips on how to deal with them.  Knowledge is power, after all.  The one thing I want to do is encourage people to be angry at the pointlessness of haters.  A common (and stupid) ploy haters use is to say hating them makes you a hater. No it doesn’t, it makes you a human.  This can take extreme forms like when nazis claim that standing up against their racism makes you intolerant.  You’re intolerant of intolerance, geddit?

Fuckwads.

So, all in the name of empowerment (and catharsis) here I go:

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