October 17, 2007...6:55 pm

Best Swearing Quotes Ever

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“Life is a four letter word” – Lenny Bruce

Even Lenny Bruce, the master of profanity, knew how to be subtle. But sometimes subtlety simply doesn’t cut it…

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Quality swearing compiled for you at http://angryaussie.wordpress.com

11 Comments

  • A t-shirt in NYC: ‘Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck’

  • How about Undead “I’ll finish you off quicker than a fucking birthday cake at a fucking fat chicks fucking party!” Say it in your best strine accent – this character sure swore a lot.

  • I still like the conversation:
    Cartman: “How would you like to suck my balls… Mr Garrison?”
    Mr Garrison: “What did you say!!?”
    Cartman: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… what i said was” “how would you like to suck my balls?”

    The title should have been “best fucking quotes ever” though.

    Anyway… wasn’t Cartman’s quote: “What’s the big fucking deal bitch? It doesn’t hurt anyone…” Or was that from some other part of the film. I did watch the film last week, so I have an excuse for this trivia being stuck in my head.

  • I’d forgotten how good at angry, loud cursing Al Pachino is.
    “Fuck everybody.”
    -baseball cap

  • Is this gonna Kill You? No i Dont Think so !

  • “Post Trauma means you survived…quit whining.”-Shig Takada

  • Nice list.

    Many years ago, when I was at school and I was a rebellious youngster, I decided it would be a good idea to write exactly what I thought of one of our disliked teachers on my desk.

    “Mr Rumney smells like a drop of sweat off of a baboons ball”

    I got caught too. I’m pretty sure I got away with it purely because Mr Rumney was desperately trying not to laugh whist he was reprimanding me.

  • These quotes using the fuck-word were all excellent. My favorite noun is “fucktard.” It just sums up certain people so nicely.

  • “Just because you are whatever the fuck you are does not make you whatever the fuck you think you are.” (“Hurlyburly”)

  • I’m a squealing fangirl for the Big Lebowski, so by quoting it you have officially made my day.

    From Network (for which I am also a squealing fangirl):
    “I just plain ran out of bullshit.”–Howard Beale.

  • Definitely some great quotes. I have some from here in the states, too…though they don’t involve ACTUAL swearing. XD

    I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers.
    Author: William S. Gilbert
    Source: H.M.S. Pinafore

    I’ve tried to reduce profanity but I reduced so much profanity when writing the book that I’m afraid not much could come out. Perhaps we will have to consider it simply as a profane book and hope that the next book will be less profane or perhaps more sacred.
    Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961) American Writer.

    When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
    Mark Twain

    Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”
    Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

    Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
    Mark Twain

    “What a lie it is to call this a free country, where none but the unworthy and undeserving may swear.”
    Mark Twain

    “If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there.”
    Mark Twain

    “In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.”
    Mark Twain

    You can’t run an army without profanity
    George Patton


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