Advice for Alan Jones

Quit.

Seriously, it’s your best option. Just quit. I say this not as a loony lefty who can’t take your unhinged, hateful ranting and thinks the media sphere would be measurably improved if your pollution was removed from it. Although to be fair, that does describe me accurately. It’s simply the best option you have. It’s clearly the right moral choice although I’m sure that you and your ever-dwindling number of supporters would never agree. But it’s also the right decision financially, politically and strategically. And if you do it right, you’ll be able to do a vaguely plausible impression of taking the moral high ground while securing your future rather than following your present path which will severely damage if not destroy your future.

Quitting makes financial sense because the value of your shareholding in 2GB is directly tied to advertising revenue and the loss of advertisers is going to continue to be a problem for as long as you are on air. The exact number and value of advertisers willing to associate with your radio show is going to fluctuate but the simple fact is you are going to lose money by staying on air. For all your delusions of importance your audience is small and getting smaller. Most advertisers have already realised that they have far more to lose than they have to gain by advertising on your show and that is not going to change.

While considering this, here’s an important fact that you shouldn’t lose sight of: you are in business. You are NOT in the business of “free speech”. You are not in the business of promoting a cause. You are in the business of selling advertising and you are no longer very good at that. And you never will be again. Your days of appealing to a mass audience are gone. But here’s the good news: the niche you appeal to you are more fiercely devoted to you than ever and quitting would only make them more rabidly fervent in their devotion. That’s why quitting makes strategic sense. As a radio personality, your peak passed more than a decade ago. Your decline can only be accelerated by internet activism and the splintering of the media landscape. Isn’t it disturbing to learn that thousands of voices are louder than one? Even when that one voice has a microphone and their own radio station.

The days of one-way communication are over and they aren’t coming back. It’s as simple as that. Embrace the change, don’t reject it. Sticking your fingers in your ears and going “lalalalalalala I can’t hear you” is not longer a viable strategy. Your broadcast career is in a decline you can’t turn around. Unless you suddenly produce a few truckloads of genuine humility (which you clearly don’t possess) your radio show will be permanently tainted by your vile slurs against the Prime Minister which was only compounded by your lies and obviously insincere “apology”. Your career is dead. So give it a Viking funeral. Burn it. Go out in a blaze of glory.

Don’t look at it as giving up, think of it as starting again. I mean, it is giving up but pretend it isn’t. Because you don’t have a choice. You’re beaten. Your only choice now is how long you drag it out. If I was really vindictive I’d tell you to fight on until the bitter end. Because if you do that, your end will be truly bitter. If you can’t bring yourself to accept that you’ve pushed things too far and your career as a shock jock is over, the humiliation you will suffer will be absolute. You will lose everything. You will become such a pariah, you won’t be able to show your face in public. Again, not an outcome that would trouble me. But I’m trying to help you here.

Obviously, you’re hardly going out on a high note if you quit now but I really don’t think you have that option left. What you can do now is set yourself up as the wounded party making the noble choice to step aside because of the brutal “cyberbullying” you’ve been subjected to. That rallies your supporters because you’re now the one who’s been wronged. You’ve been forced to walk away from the career you love because of these terrible bullies – forget that you said the vilest thing imaginable about the Prime Minister then gave an excuse that amounted to “I didn’t think anybody would find out I’d said it.” You’re the victim here.

You and I both know that for you to describe the campaign against your excesses as “bullying” in utterly farcical but the truth isn’t the issue here. Members of the public expressing their outrage at your behaviour pales in comparison to the thuggery you exhibit on an almost daily basis against defenceless and voiceless people on your radio show. You’ve never let the truth dictate what you’ve said before and now is not the time to start. Cyber bullying is the buzzword of the day in media circles as you well know. You’ve been throwing it about non-stop painting yourself as chief victim. That is going to blow up in your face the next time you go on one of your bullying rampages. You and I both know this is inevitable – it’s who you are: a pathetic, bloviating bully with very poor impulse control and almost no concept of how you’re perceived outside your circle of sycophants.

That’s why it’s time to quit. You’ll be the champion of your core supporters and even people who don’t consider themselves your fans will think you were hard done by. Your lucrative public speaking career will be guaranteed. The Liberal Party will openly welcome you back because you’ve “paid the price” for your sins. You do so much is so many different arenas, your workload blows people away. But if you don’t get off radio it’s inevitable you will poison everything and you’ll have nothing left.

Besides, the way these women are wrecking the joint, they’ll probably even allow them to host talkback radio shows soon. And you don’t want to be around to see that.

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