It seems I have to spend an inordinate amount of time telling people online that I don’t give a fuck about their worthless dribbling. So I’m trying to come up with creative ways to tell them. Sure, I love the simplicity of “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” but I also like variety.
So far I’ve come up with:
And for those who like visual aids, I produced this Venn diagram on GraphJam:
Feel free to make your own contributions :)
When Flash first landed on the World Wide Web (we still called it that back in those days) it was very popular and it became common for websites that wanted to look “cool” to load a Flash animation when a visitor arrived at the site. The standard method was to force the user to sit through this animation to convince them of how cool you were.
As time passed it became widely accepted that this practice was, to use the technical term, totally fucked. Despite years of frustrated users screaming at the websites to get that stupid fucking intro out of their way and let them use the site, some sites argue that there are certain cases where a Flash into is still a good idea.
Maybe so. I’m a helpful guy. Really. So I’ve provided this handy flow chart for all web designers and marketing people to consult before they put a Flash intro in place. Use this and no matter what your product, no matter who your target audience, you will always reach the right decision:
Thanks to everyone for the overwhelmingly positive response to this post. I fixed the appalling typos that were in the first paragraph after they were pointed out to me. Interestingly (to me at least) this post has also been translated into Italian: http://www.wafer.it/main/index.php?id_pag=52&id_blog_post=48
Found stuck to a very large fridge somehwre in the cosmos:
For those who can’t tell, I spent a lot of time in Catholic school.
People often ask me, if I think haters are such a waste of space, why do I take the time to rip on them? I punch those people in the face. I have a range of reasons for ripping on haters and they are neatly explained in this graph:
Colourful AND informative!
Q1: What's worse that hippies prattling on about "spiritual healing"?
A1: People who form cults built around hippie spiritual healing concepts.
Q2: What's worse than silly new age cults?
A2: Silly new age cults that charge money for "energy conversion sessions"
Q3: What's worse than religious/hippie cults ripping people off via bogus new age crap?
A3: Cult leaders who sexually assault little girls.
Guess what happens to child molesters in jail dickhead? Get ready for some "enlightenment" you really aren't going to like.
The mob has spoken – it's fun to rip on hippies! Today we will examine how a hippie is capable of stringing together a bunch of perfectly good english words while still making no fucking sense whatsoever!
The following all comes under the heading "Tips to nurture your qi while working in the modern world." Oh yeah, qi is apparently life energy. I think some people spell it chi. So the hippies are appropriating chinese medicine here. I would like to say here that I'm not going to attempt to refute chinese medicine/herbalism/acupuncture. I just can't stand the appropriation of other cultures – especially when it seems the sole reason for doing so is so some pathetic whitey can seem deep and mystical to other dumb whiteys.
Qi is apparently at the source of chronic fatigue syndrome. Sounds terrible, but the hippies are here to help us. Step one is… wash your hands! That's right, get your qi all shipshape and bristol fashion by washing your hands. Hear that all you malingering chronic fatigue syndrome sufferers who feel like you can't even get out of bed some days.? It'll all come good if you wash your hands! Oh yeah, you have to have an "awareness on the level of qi" – makes all the difference.
Steps two on the road to hippie healing is… have a bath! But once more, with awareness of the level of qi. Without that, all you're doing is washing crap off your body. Oh, and on a really gross note, this hippie points out that they do "more than a simple excretion of toxic energies" in the bath. I am so not sharing bathwater with this person. And you thought you could relax in a bath without any hippie "wisdom"? Let me tell you, you aint thinkin' on the qi then you aint doin' shit.
And to really help us out, the hippie closes with "the most successful technique to combat the drain of mental and emotional stimulation" (okay, now I know what this hippie is doing in the bath). This technique involves "developing the centres of energy above the head". What, like in fucking helicopters? I really get angry with this tendency to spout meaningless drivel and cloak it in an air of "mystic knowledge". And don't ride on the coat-tails of other cultures, you're no different to the fucking conquistadors stealing gold when you try to steal someone else's spiritual beliefs.
On the plus side, I have discovered this magazine includes free passes to the hippies' Bullshitapalooza expo. I wasn't going to waste my money going, no matter how much fun it would be to rip on the hippies in person. Now I can get in free! Looks like Saturday April 29th is hippie head-kicking day.