I have to thank the person (I’ve forgotten who – sorry!) who suggested I do “Baby” when I mentioned this on Twitter. As soon as I looked at the lyrics I realised this was some crazy stalker shit if you did it in an angry way.

I look forward to the love from Beliebers!

Think about that for a moment. With my regularly expressed contempt for politicians he’s the bottom of the pile. That takes some doing. Admittedly it’s very crowded at the bottom of the pile and there’s a lot of close runners up for the worst of the worst but for me, Pyne is right down there at the very bottom.

The reason I feel compelled to call him out as a liar is a very specific thing he said to the media recently. After the clusterfuck that was the ALP’s destructive wrangling about who should be party leader was resolved**, Pyne said that he was still receiving text messages from Labor MPs who had a definite plan to replace PM Gillard with challenger Rudd.

This is a complete fucking lie.

Just on the face of it, it’s utterly ridiculous. Dissident Labor MPs messaging an opposition front bencher and telling him their plans? Really? I call bullshit. I know the media has gotten into the habit of uncritically swallowing and regurgitating LNP lies for years now but this is too fucking far. It’s worse than if it was only another one of their lies, it’s insultingly stupid.

Pyne’s statement to the ABC “I’m still getting text messages from supporters of his in the caucus telling me that they plan to remove Julia Gillard in 71 days (June 3),” is a straight out lie. He should be made to publicly admit the lie and apologise.

Here’s an interesting thing: what I’ve just written is actionable under Australian defamation law. Unless it’s true. There’s no such thing as “freedom of speech” under law in Australia. If I have falsely accused Pyne of lying it would be quite simple for him to sue me and win in an Australian court.

But he won’t. Because I’m not defaming him. I’m telling the truth.

I will admit to being a little surprised that he’d spout such an easily provable lie. Saying he had text messages was a big mistake because these are traceable. Even if both he and the sender deleted the messages the carrier would still have a record of them. And that would have to be presented in court if he wanted to sue me.

So despite the fact that Australia has some pretty fucked up defamation laws, I’m not worried about calling Christopher Pyne a liar. Because it isn’t defamation. It’s the simple truth.

Lets be clear: he said multiple Labor MPs have texted him with definite plans to topple Gillard in a fixed timeframe. If he can’t provide evidence to back up those specific claims, he’s a liar. “Sources” who claim they know what’s going on isn’t good enough, he said it was actual Labor MPs. A single Labor MP isn’t good enough, he said it was more than one. And whispers in his ear aren’t good enough, he said it was text messages which, as I pointed out, can be recovered even if both sender and recipient have deleted them.

So how about it media? Will somebody please put this pathetic liar on the spot and force him to admit to his lies? Or are we going to have to continue to put up with this blatant unchecked bullshit?

Don’t worry, I know the answer.

**A little aside to LNP supporters: None of this is intended to suggest that the repeated attempts at self-destruction by Labor are anything but pathetic and frankly embarrassing. They will almost certainly pay by being utterly crushed at the next Federal election. But that doesn’t change the fact that Pyne is a fucking liar.

And to anyone who wants to know why I posted something this weird: YOUR FACE WANTS TO KNOW WHY I POSTED THIS! Shut up! You’re not the boss of me! You’re not even my real dad!

The title is a combined Shakespeare/Discwordl tribute.

This is my friends Viola, Rhianna and Sarah. They did some weird, crazy laughing for me when were were having a picnic in the park and I promised I could make it weirder.

And to anyone who says “oh no, you need to engage in constructive dialogue,” I say “Fuck that shit!” I know who I’m talking about and these people are not capable of constructive engagement. They lie and say they are when they have no intention of listening to any differing viewpoints. Or they pretend to but all they are interested in doing is mansplaining how a woman’s actual life experience is irrelevant next to their all encompassing wisdom. Or they’re actually too fucking stupid to understand they do not have a fucking clue what they’re on about.

Whatever the case, for anyone who’s genuinely ready for intelligent discourse there are people out there who are more intelligent, more experienced, more eloquent and more patient than me who have it covered. Today I’m all about the catharsis. I’m sick of you fuckers and you can all shut the fuck up.

Let’s get the obvious culprits out of the way first. The following are variations of the bullshit spouted every day in response to rape:

“She asked for it.”

“She wasn’t really raped.”

“Was it a legitimate rape?”

“It isn’t rape if…”

“Why didn’t she…”

“She shouldn’t have…”

If you have ever said anything like that just shut the fuck up! You have nothing to contribute, you’re a fucking moron and until you get something vaguely approaching a clue you need to shut the fuck up.

Here’s a tip: take the shit that’s obviously blocking your ears when it comes to listening to women’s issues and stuff it in your mouth. That way, while we’re all getting a break from listening to your shit you might actually manage to hear the truth about what women have to put up with every single day.

And a quick aside to the men who wholeheartedly condemn rape and say how disgusted they are by rapists but then can’t hold back from making judgements on victims of rape. “She shouldn’t have dressed like that.” “Why did she drink so much?” “Why was she walking alone at night?” “What did she expect when she’d been dancing like that?” “Why did she lead him on?” YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

You are not helping by telling women what they should and shouldn’t do. All you are doing is making excuses for rapists! There is only one way to stop rape and that is if men stop raping. All this victim blaming does is illustrate that deep down, you think women are asking for it. Of course it’s never a bad idea for everyone to take safety precautions but the truth is women are not safe no matter what they do. They’re not safe out on the town at night, they’re not safe during the day, they’re not safe in a taxi, they’re not safe with people they know, they’re not safe at work and they’re not safe in their own home.

There is only ever one person to blame in a rape and that’s the rapist. No ifs, no buts, the rapist is always 100% at fault. NOBODY deserves to be raped.

And if you’re the type who wants to pipe up with “men also get raped,” or “men also suffer physical abuse at the hands of women,” could you try shutting the fuck up for five seconds? Would it be OK with you if the endemic victimisation and abuse of women could be discussed without you demanding the spotlight be focused on you? In case you’re too stupid to understand, bringing this up doesn’t come across as you saying “here is an important topic that also needs to be discussed.” It comes across as “rape isn’t as big a deal as you say and I’m not comfortable with a discussion unless I dictate the terms of what’s being discussed.” So shut the fuck up.

Rape and violence against men perpetrated by a woman is a real and serious issue. But how about we have one conversation at a time rather than you going “yeah, yeah but let’s talk about me.” If that’s too much for you then just shut the fuck up. You’re not worth bothering with.

The simple statistic is that one in three women will be the target of some sort of sexual assault. So anyone who finds themselves unable to resist blaming the victim, saying it wouldn’t have happened if they had done something different needs to consider that. This will happen to someone you know and should care about. Unless you are nothing more than a vile, contemptible sack of shit, someone you would do anything to protect will be the target of sexual assault. Your friend. Your sister. Your mother, Your daughter. Your partner.

So long as there is anyone saying what women should and shouldn’t do to avoid rape rather than focusing on why men shouldn’t rape, the problem will remain. Nobody should ever have to justify why they didn’t deserve to be raped, no matter what the circumstances. The culture that fosters this mentality is telling rapists they can get away with it and telling women it happened because they deserved it.

And if that’s OK with you, you can just sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!

It’s fair to call people who make these complaint stupid because they are factually wrong. I don’t abuse everyone I disagree with. I disagree with everyone I disagree with. In the vast majority of cases, when someone posts a comment I disagree with I simply ignore them.

I think it’s worth reiterating that when people make an issue out of this, we’re talking about people I am RESPONDING to. I don’t go around chasing people to make negative comments on their videos/ channels/ blogs, even when they make personal attacks on me. We are talking about people who come into my domain and make comments that nobody in their right mind could think I’d have an interest in seeing.

The idiots I take the time to rip into are a subset of the ones who make obnoxious comments. Sometimes they say something so egregiously awful or clueless they thoroughly deserve to be ripped apart.  Sometimes it’s just the smug self-righteousness they exude. Other times it’s the obvious total lack of thought behind the comment.

And there’s on more thing: I’ve dealt with thousands of these idiots over the years (not even a slight exaggeration) and I’ve gotten very good at picking losers who aren’t used to being called to account, just by the tone of their comments. I find these opinionated little dweebs to be particularly deserving of punishment. I often go to their channels and get a confirmation of the sort of comments they leave all over the place and I’m almost never wrong.

These scumbags sped their time spraying around negativity and develop an insanely distorted view of how important their “contribution” to the world is. Here’s a news flash, meatheads: your contribution to humanity is less than zero. You are an actively negative force that makes it harder for decent people to interact. The world would be better off if you didn’t exist.

This is why blocking is one of the favourite weapons in my arsenal. I can’t literally make them cease to exist. You know, unless I hire an assassin. Which I totally haven’t done. Shut up, you can’t prove anything! WHERE’S THE BODY?! There’s no case without a body!

I got distracted.

While my central topic here is why I rip into people, it is actually far more common for me to ignore/block/delete these idiots. I thoroughly recommend this approach to people over engaging with obnoxious commenters. This is mostly because these dribbling morons are not capable of engaging in any meaningful way. Their extremely limited thought processes barely go as far as far as vomiting out their pathetic brain farts and demanding they be acknowledged. And they will NOT shut up!

So don’t hesitate to shut them up. Besides relieving you of their non stop drivel, it’s a timely reminder to them that they aren’t the ones in control. If you allow them any level of control, i.e. you succumb to the mistaken idea you “have to” let them comment, they will never let you go. You don’t have to justify what you do in your own domain and you should never let other people dictate how you conduct yourself – that is your own decision to make.

But back to those times when I choose to rip into people rather than ignore them. To the people who say “you just abuse anyone who disagrees with you” I say “Your mother is a dirty stinking whore.” The other thing I will say is “no I don’t.” That statement is so far wide of the truth that it doesn’t deserve any other response. If you are going to make a comment that stupid, fatuous and WRONG I don’t feel inclined to bother with you.

If you’re convinced this is something I actually do, I don’t fucking care. If you harbour some belief that I am somehow compelled to respond to everyone in a way you find acceptable simply because they watched my video and commented then you’re a deluded fucking moron. So far as me producing video or written content and someone watching and commenting goes, there is no comparison at all.

The hours of effort that goes into creating content versus the seconds it takes a moron to smash their ugly face into a keyboard and provide their “insight” means their precious little comment has earned them precisely nothing. They don’t deserve anything in return and the twisted sense of entitlement that comes from fuckwits who think they have a right to be addressed just makes me more likely to treat them like the shitstain they are.

As for anyone who wants to say “that’s fair enough but you go too far,” there’s only one person who gets to decide what an acceptable response is. Guess what? It isn’t fucking you. I simply don’t have the time to waste worrying about whose feelings I’m hurting and my sanity is too valuable to me to be fucked about by morons on the internet who think they’re the centre of the universe.

If you have a problem with this, you essentially have two choices. You could follow the advice of Gandhi who famously said “harden the fuck up, princess.” Failing that you could always fuck off. It’s that simple. If there is anyone still labouring under the misapprehension that I’m focused on retaining viewers at any cost, let me correct that right now. I checked my YouTube stats and I’ve blocked thousands of accounts over the years. If you have a problem with anything about me and it’s too much for you to manage to keep that shit to yourself, let me know. I won’t hesitate to add you to that list.

I would have a lot more viewers on YouTube if I wasn’t in the habit of blocking people and/or telling them to piss off when they annoy me. But I’d have a lot less sanity. Of course, in your own online interactions you should follow your own path. If it works for you, it’s the right thing for you to do.

But if you’re wasting any of your life agonising over how I treat anyone online, that’s just sad.

Most of the videos I shoot with AIDzee are largely improvised. When we do TFU Friday and WAINGAFAT Wednesday  we discuss the topics ahead of time, come up with a few jokes and plot out how we want the video to go but we almost never have a script as such.

I have an idea of doing some improvised discussions/joke riffing sessions with AIDzee but instead of using the single camera setup we normally do getting a few people to help us shoot it and then edit together the highlights with multiple viewpoints. That’s the plan.

I make lots of plans and am not always good at executing a quick follow through. I almost always make the videos eventually but sometimes it takes a couple of years. I’m not joking. Let’s see if writing this public note to myself helps.

This app would firstly populate people’s Facebook feeds with stories that simple common sense would identify as untrue (the recent “Samsung pays Apple $1B in 5c coins“  bullshit springs to mind). Even the multitudes of morons online who never bother to engage their brains could discover the truth by spending 5 seconds on a search engine. But that’s apparently too much trouble.

That’s where the punishment comes in.

Sharing the deliberately planted false story would result in the following message popping up:

“I’m sorry, but you’re too stupid to be allowed to post anything at the moment. Your account will be locked for the next 24 hours while you think about what you’ve done.”

Most people would eventually learn that it’s in their own interest to find multiple sources confirming a story before they accepted it as true. Internet search engines are hardly flawless but at least it would be an improvement on the current fuckheadedness.

And for those who are to stupid to learn a little healthy skepticism no matter what, I’m still working on phase two where it would be legal for me to make their computers deliver near-lethal electric shocks to their genitals.

And at least they’d occasionally be stopped from posting their bullshit.

THEY’RE = THEY FUCKING ARE

THEIR = SHOWS FUCKING POSSESSION

THERE = SPECIFIES A FUCKING LOCATION

YOU’RE = YOU FUCKING ARE

YOUR = SHOWS FUCKING POSSESSION

IT’S = IT FUCKING IS

ITS = SHOWS FUCKING POSSESSION

WE’RE = WE FUCKING ARE

WERE = PAST FUCKING TENSE OF “ARE”

WHERE = SPECIFIES A FUCKING LOCATION

LOOSE = NOT FUCKING FIXED IN PLACE

LOSE = YOU DON’T FUCKING HAVE IT ANY MORE

COULD’VE = COULD FUCKING HAVE

COULD OF = NEVER FUCKING USE THIS YOU FUCKING MORON