Stephen Colbert Nude Sex Teen Orgy

I was reading Mutant Cat's blog and decided I could one-up her on the attention grabbing post title.

So aside from silly search engine manipulation games, I wanted to alienate some readers today.  Well, actually I don't really want to alienate readers but I suspect my angry rant today can't help but put some people offside.  The reason is statistically, it's a safe bet that at least 25% of people reading this blog are smokers and there's no nice way to say this: smoking is really fucking stupid.

I recognise that the previous sentence is technically inaccurate: there are potentially many nice ways to say smoking is stupid.  Fucked if I can be bothered coming up with one though.

Smoking is expensing, stinky, disgusting, insulting and offensive to people around you, destroys your quality of life and ENDS UP FUCKING KILLING YOU!  Usually in a slow, painful, disgusting manner.  There is no rational defence to smoking.  It isn't a personal choice that you should have the right to.  Unless you want to limit your smoking to a closed room somewhere AND NEVER FUCKING DO IT IN PUBLIC WHERE I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT!  Seriously, if you want to assert your right to smoke do it in your own home and don't interfere with my fucking right to breathe!

And fuck the idea of smokers' rights!  What about axe murderer's rights?  Axe murderers kill way less people than smoking (like, several million less) but the law is all over axe murderers.  The best I can hope is that bans on smoking in public places continue to spread.  Count yourself lucky smokers, axe murderers aren't even able to indulge in the privacy of their own homes without "the man" getting all up in their face.

The only downside to banning smoking in public is that prohibition gives it an aura of rebellion.  To really fucking stupid people.  I might add that these stupid people are often very intelligent in almost every other aspect of their life but they make this one really dumb choice.  I remember a quote from Timothy Leary where he said something along the lines that when he was once told it was illegal to smoke in an airport, he blew smoke in the person's face saying he was "proud to be a criminal".  And if I'd been there I would've been proud to smack him in the fucking mouth for saying something so irredeemably stupid.

If you want to make me really angry, proclaim that you're a radical lefty while smoking.  Yeah right, you're radical.  While supporting some of the biggest most corrupt corporations on the planet who kill people with their lies, coerce third world farmers into growing the cash crop of tobacco rather than food that might actually keep people alive and refuse to accept their moral responsibility for marketing a product whose sole side effect is death.  There is no safe level of smoking.

The only justification I'll listen to from a smoker is "I got suckered into smoking and now I'm hopelessly addicted to this disgusting habit and I'm incapable of giving up."  Anything else is bullshit.  And the only justification I'll accept from someone who insists on screwing up public spaces with smoking is "This is a suicide attempt – I want you to strangle me."

Advertisement