A 100% Guaranteed Solution to Spam

I was wondering what I was going to post about today as I wasn't feeling particularly angry. Like that was gonna last. I checked the stats for my WordPress site and I'd gotten near enough to 100 comment spam in 24 hours. Fucking spammers! And Akismet anti-spam got nearly every one of them. Ha! Fuck you in the neck with a search engine ranking you scum-sucking spam bastards. This is another nail in Blogger's coffin because they have no damn spam protection that I know of.

The rare occasions that I get comment spam on Blogger I delete it manually (here's a tip kids: make sure you set the blog to email you every time you get a comment, because the scamming bastards will drop spam comments in old posts hoping you won't notice.) It would be a little hard to delete 100 spam manually every day so I'm fucking glad I chose to promote the WordPress blog over Blogger. There's no way the spamming bastards are getting me to make it harder for people to post comments unless things get really out of control.

Now I think of it, why hasn't somebody killed these fuckers. I don't mean shut them down, I mean literally kill them. They are coming damn close to breaking the internet, they are stealing millions with their scams and costing billions with the bandwidth they consume and quite simply making nearly everyone's online experience miserable. People are killed for way less than this every day. Sergey, Larry, if you're listening; killing these fuckers would NOT be evil.

And the first time someone gets serious about taking these pricks on, the arms race escalates quickly to the point of doing some real damage. If you've never heard of Blue Security or their program Blue Frog, here's a summary: Blue Frog worked by sending automated "opt-out" messages to spammers as spam victims have the right to do. Essentially if thousands of users get spammed, the spammers in return get bombarded with automated responses saying "don't spam me any more." Not quite a denial of service attack but it can certainly make life tough for spammers. Tough enough that some spammer waged all-out war in response.

Massive distributed denial of service (DDOS) attacks credited to a loser spammer known as "Pharma Master" took down Blue Security 's server along with Tucows, TypePad blogs and a hell of a lot of other sites. Blue Security shut up shop after this (although there's some grey area surrounding what really went on and the motivations behind everything) saying they didn't want to be responsible for such massive disruption to the internet at large. Some weenies didn't like Blue's approach because they saw it as too aggressive or even claimed it was illegal. Every rational analysis of it I've seen said it was completely legal and quite effective.

So here we have a legal (if aggressive) service providing much needed relief to users. In response we get a destructive and completely illegal attack that damages the internet as a whole. Obviously, half-measures aren't going to work with these fuckers. If the boys at the big end of town (I'm thinking Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, Amazon) aren't meeting in a smoky back room somewhere working on a plan to take these piece of shit spammer down, they're (a) wussies and (b) stupid.

Because this shit is going to start to really hurt them soon, as in destroy their whole business model when nobody trusts the internet for anything any more. So by all means, use those big brains to come up with some technological solutions. But give some thought to just having the fuckers whacked. In the end, it would be way easier and much more satisfying.



Filed under Blogging, Internet

17 responses to “A 100% Guaranteed Solution to Spam

  1. Akesmit caught 22 spams in the last 24 hours for me. So how the hell do those people get in there? What is the purpose? Just to drive me fucking mad? As we all know, driving me crazy is a very short trip.

    To date I think only one spam has got through on a post and it really pissed me off. This morning checking my e-mail the bulk mail on yahoo was fulla that shit. Seems they are trying to suffocate me in spam. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    Sergey, Larry….don’t listen to Mr. Angry….It would not be THAT evil to do these fucker in.

  2. As I was typing my comment a spam got through to one of my old posts. You were right in saying to have all comments sent to your e-mail. This is how I caught it.

  3. Salaamat,
    spammers suck. I haven’t listened to your second vlog ๐Ÿ˜ฆ weekends keep me away from the comp cuz i am busy with real life. and can’t listen to a vlog at my desk…

    sooooo….i am in a catch 22.

    anywho, will get to it at some point, before the next one. I do like the fact that you will continue regular blogging in the meantime…take care and best wishes to you:)

  4. That is the good thing about being old – don’t have much of a ‘real life’. ๐Ÿ˜€ Can sit at the puter all weekend if I want.

  5. Sandra,
    you don’t gotta rub it in:p

  6. grrrr! fucking SPAMMERS! i’d kill them all if i could! (sigh)

  7. Hell Boy

    hhhmm spams suck but i never get one cos im a spam myself! btw about blogger , word verification stop most spams, blogger’s not that bad! yo can do lotta changes to yer page!

  8. Sandra: Arrrrgh, I meant NOT evil! My proofreading let me down! Missing that one word changed the whole meaning of the post! I’ve changed it now.

    Maliha: Yeah, it isn’t the type of thing I’d play at work ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Mayang: I’m really hoping someone starts knocking them off.

    Hellboy: Comment moderation isn’t spam protection, it makes life harder for commenter and I want to avoid that for as long as possible. WordPress blocks spam without having to resort to comment moderation!

    14 more spam caught since this post went up!

  9. Paul Brown

    Normally I agree with your posts, but this is just wrong. Your suggestion to “whack” spammers, presumably having secret assassins hunting out these innocent people and queitly killing them IS evil and IS wrong.

    They should be executed IN PUBLIC. You’ll never get the message across until PhatBoyz12_xx can see his scum buddies getting their heads smashed in with baseball bats on Google video.

  10. G

    Spamming the spammers with automated responses won’t work because they use bogus email addresses with other people’s domains. Anybody that has their own domain (with a catch-all email account) knows what I’m talking about.

  11. Capri

    When I first got my blog here, I got alot of spam. But now I only get a few a week.

  12. Paul: You are absolutely right. This is why I want comments, to improve my thinking!

    G: Broadly, you are right but if you haven’t read the history of Blue Frog, check it out. They were starting to have a positive effect.

    Capri: Yeah, I reckon WordPress is getting very good at blocking spam.

  13. spiker

    Here’s a little tale for you

    I was in my local newsagents browsing the motor mags and heard these two cunts bragging about mail bombing people – so I walked over and asked if they thought that was funny, they just said it does no harm, so I whacked the pair of them

    I have had sackloads of spam shit in my time and it pisses me off no end, I’m a angry twat to start with, and when I heard these two cunts bragging about doing that, I saw red and laid them both out.


  14. Mate, that was very cathartic. Thanks for sharing.

  15. dean

    Yeah, drives me crazy. God bless smart spam filters! Thunderbird does a good job with them, but I’ve heard spambots get around ReCAPTCHA.
    And I have a question… why the hell am I required to give you my email?

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