Life in the Slow Lane

I'm trying not to get too angry at people while I'm in my home town because I don't think they could take it but OHMYFUCKINGGODTHEYARESOFUCKINGSLOW! I wondered why I used to be so scared of city traffic when I first moved to Sydney – it's because everyone in country towns drives at walking pace! The adjustment you have to make between the two is goddam huge.

I know I have readers who live in real cities (New York, Prague, London, Los Angeles) who have also experienced Australian traffic and they have reliably informed me that Sydney and Melbourne are country towns by comparison. I accept this, I'm just dealing with my surroundings.

My brother finds it hilarious to drive with me. When the lights change and the car in front of me slowly rolls forward, I start ranting because I'd like to, you know, drive at a reasonable pace… something approximating the speed limit rather than 50% of the speed limit. I start shouting and waving my arms (to myself in the car – I try not to actually pick fights with other drivers):

"C'MON! Drive already! It isn't hard to do: first gear, second gear, third gear… get it together you fucking idiot!"

Apparently nobody does this in small towns. I'll have to remember to stick to larger cities on my world tour where all the angry people are.

13 Comments

Filed under Driving

13 responses to “Life in the Slow Lane

  1. Sometimes, I just get too pissed, and awaken the 300 ponies hidden underneath my car’s hood and just pass them real quick. The Subie makes them bite my dust. I pass them at about 50kph, so there is no need to speed, since the people I pass only drive 20 kph. I live next to a market, the Atwater market and traffic on weekends is terrible. It’s not like our main highways, which become parking lots at peek hours.

    And the WRX STI manual 6 speed is a bitch to drive in congestion, it’s so harsh. That’s why I like the Subie.

    One of the reasons I bought the STI, to releave anger. BTW, never drive angry, you do stupid things. Last week, I was pissed, I drove somewhat recklessly. However, since I am a good driver, it wasn’t too bad, but I’m sure I scared a few other drivers.

    The best defence, is a good offense.

  2. Honey, you really should come to Dallas. There are angry people everywhere. 99.9% of these people MUST have got their drivers license from a Cracker Jack box. They go two speeds in their car…dead still and wide open. If they want in your lane and you’re still in it…sorry about your luck. I got to drive there today on my way to cousins memorial service. By the time I got to work I was ready for a service myself. I will surely have to go to confession.๐Ÿ˜€

  3. Do you know what, I never got angered while in the passenger seat of any travelling vehicle. Road rage, traffic disobedience, idiot drivers, none of that upset me. UNTILL I got in the car with a woman who has now become my closest friend.

    She yells abuse (the worst kind) to any driver who takes more than 2 seconds to start up at traffic lights. I have since started abusing drivers while in the car wtih her. The funny thing is she now laughs at me when I yell at other drivers and informs me in very delighted tones that “[they] can’t hear me” (I used to tell her this)

  4. yoo want angry – phoenix at noon with no air conditioning. Traffic – ha.

    By the way buddy – please switch my link to http://www.howardlindzon.com for the new site – thx.

    Go angrier on the design – DARK – its light and definately funny just needs angrier colors fwiw

  5. Nothing says angry like the piercing flash of a speed camera though.

  6. greenlightsabers

    Gawsh, you know what’s good? The fact that every driver will find a little reason to tell you off for. Even the passenger will do it. I had a bad case of some road rage. This woman stuck a finger up at my mum and I was like “WTF? I’ll screw you up!”

    All in the good name of road rage.

  7. best response to slow driving i’ve heard came from my stepfather. Back in the day when he was young and stupid and drove a Chevy pickup, he rolled up to the guy in front of him, kissed bumpers, and then proceeded to accelerate. The guy in the car in front got the fright of his life as his car suddenly increased speed involuntarily and just kept on going!

  8. Salamaat,
    soo true! i moved from DC the capital with all the angry, aggressive drivers..to a small town down in VA. It was hilarious adjusting (backwards); when the lights turned I would rev up and just fly, or cut some people off, who were quite happy to let me through.

    It was really strange. Like being a part of an underwater scene where everything was much much slower.

    i think i eventually mellowed out…oh well๐Ÿ™‚

  9. talk about slow! UAE drivers are fast so when i got on a vacation back in the Phils. imagine me gettign pissed everytime coz Filipino drivers are slow-movers compared to here in UAE. makes me wanna yak my way all around!๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. Elaine

    You should go to Greece. They all drive flat out, cussing and honking all the way. I went to Turkey, went scuba diving, and climbed the mast of the Clipper Ship I was on–nothing scared me as much as the cab rides in Athens.

  11. Mr. Angry – Elaine is my sister, the traitorous bastardette. Feel honored – only rarely does she write on anyone’s blog.

  12. I’m honoured by all my commenters. It seems bad drivers touch a nerve with everyone. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Number one pet peeve is people who insist upon occupying the fast lane (left) while going 20 mph under the posted speed limit…ignore the mile long backlog of cars behind them…are oblivious to those lucky few who manage to get around them, honking and gesturing as they go. Ignorance or oblivion…I CAN’T STAND IT! And yet, I do…every single day commuting in and out of NYC.

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