How Alan Jones Just Shot Himself in the Foot

To mark the publication of “Jonestown” by Chris Masters, an update to this piece is available here. 

An interesting story is developing in Australia and I’ll start with some back story so those who don’t know the players get an idea of what I’m talking about.

Alan Jones is one of the premier right-wing shock jocks in this country. I first mentioned him on this blog when I was saying how happy I was that the whole “pundit” thing that seems to plague US media hasn’t taken off so much in Australia. Jones is undoubtedly one of the leaders of the punditocracy that does exist in Australia. He was also coach of the Australian rugby team once. He was also arrested in London in the 80s for soliciting gay sex in a public toilet from someone who turned out to be an undercover cop.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) in a non-commercial taxpayer-funded national broadcaster. There is a national TV station and a multitude of radio stations including a rather fine youth-oriented national network TripleJ. I should act my age and stop listening to TripleJ but what the hell. The political tone of the ABC changes over the years. Up until the 70s it was very conservative. Intelligent but conservative. Since the 80s it has swung to the left. It’s still mostly intelligent, fair and even handed but with a definite progressive bias in news and current affairs reporting. The sort of coverage liberal Americans wish they were getting under the Bush administration. Mind you, they have never been shy about hiring intelligent conservatives into high profile roles like the late Richard Carlton.

Chris Masters is a fine journalist. One of the best this country has produced. His work has contributed to a Royal commission (the most serious legal investigation that can happen in Australia) into a corrupt judiciary and the downfall of a corrupt state government and bent police forces.

So that’s the players; here’s the story:

The ABC had commissioned Masters to write an unauthorised biography of Jones. This book was unlikely to spare Jones the way folks in the mainstream have given him a free ride. Besides his sexual escapades (which, as far as I’m concerned, are his own business – but then I’m not a conservative fuckwit), Jones has some other questionable events in his past. Not least of these was known as the “cash for comments” scandal. Jones (and other prominent personalities) were proven to have taken money from some organisations with a bad reputation (like banks) in return for giving them a positive spin on his radio program. These weren’t ads, they were pitched as his honest, free opinion despite being bought and paid for.

The news broke yesterday that the ABC board had decided the ABC would not be publishing Masters’ book. In Masters’ view this decision came as a direct result of pressure from the Jones camp. The ABC board has made the ludicrous statement that the book wasn’t commercially viable (on par with saying Steven Colbert’s roasting of President Bush wasn’t funny). Well, if it wasn’t commercially viable before it sure as hell will be now.

Masters has said he’s looking for other publishers. I’d say he’s beating them off with a stick. You can’t buy this sort of publicity. I continue to be amazed that those in seats of power think they can squash dissent. The simple act of trying to silence your opponent gives them publicity. I hope Jones sacks whatever tool on his legal team pressured the ABC board to make this decision because it’s going to cost him down the line. On the other hand, it was probably Jones himself – he has a personal relationship with several of the board members.

The thing that makes the actions of the Jones camp even more ridiculous is that Masters was unlikely to take a sensationalistic/tabloid approach to the book – he’s a serious journalist. So besides guaranteeing more publicity for Masters, Jones has also created a market for a muckracking expose for just how dirty his past is. This has got to worry him.

Some insight I can offer:

Ever since I first mentioned Jones’ toilet sex escapades I have found search results in my site stats pretty much every day that have some combination of “Alan Jones gay sex toilet London” (one or two a day usually). After this news broke yesterday there were 20 of these searches in one day. Whoops. I’d been joking for a while that Jones needed to get his spin doctors onto this because the story obviously wouldn’t die. I had no idea Chris Masters was writing this book. I was going to say Jones didn’t really have to worry about me because I’m nobody but then I started putting combinations of “Alan Jones gay sex toilet London” into Google and I show up consistently at the top of the results. Double Whoops. Teh intarwebs are out to get you Jonesy.

In one of those strange coincidences life sometimes throws up, I was doing work experience in the TripleJ newsroom back in 1988 when the Alan Jones toilet scandal broke. The one person who got to Jones before his minders protected him was an ABC journalist. The journo found Jones in his hotel and you can tell Jones was feeling shattered because he actually spoke honestly rather than clamming up with a “no comment.” Jones was in tears and said something along the lines of “you people are going to destroy me over this.” Well, lucky for Jones it was the ABC who actually found him and not his right-wing tabloid mates.

The initial charge from the London coppers (who had obvious caught all the murderers and other criminals who were at large) was the sensational sounding “outraging public decency”. The journo who had talked to Jones was interviewed and asked what the charge actually meant. His response was along the lines of “It can mean many things but in this case it means masturbating in a public toilet.” Yowza! A little bit of the old “help me while I give this a shake” going on?

I actually saw the conversation between members of an ABC news team who decided they wouldn’t smear Jones with a “gay toilet sex” story because they believed the law was immoral and Jones shouldn’t be persecuted for personal sexual preferences. If only the people Jones has victimised over the years were given such fair treatment. As it turned out, Jones had friends in very high places who applied a lot of pressure which resulted in the charges being dropped. No lesser a personage than the then Australian Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, spoke in favour of Jones. This allowed Jones to claim he was totally innocent of the charges.

I agree that it was an unjust law that saw Jones charged and these police “stings” (hello, George Michael) are a waste of time. But I am truly disgusted that Jones can’t come out and say he was the victim of persecution and shouldn’t have faced the charges. Instead he implies he never tried to pick up the undercover cop for some anonymous gay sex. To me, a lie of omission is still a lie. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Jones is capable of telling a bald faced lie if someone dares to put him on the spot for exactly what happened.

So should a dealer of tabloid justice also be forced to face tabloid justice? I think it’s fair to say that any left-leaning public figure who was charged with soliciting for sex in public toilets would be absolutely crucified by the conservative media. Rush Limbaugh got away with being a drug addict and Ann Coulter continues to get away with being a plagiarist (although who knows? the tide is building against her on this). But the right are notoriously squeamish on topics of sex, particularly gay sex. He’s dodged a bullet for nearly 20 years but Alan Jones may be about to find out who his real mates are.

And it would be wonderful poetic justice that his downfall (I can dream) was brought about by him shooting himself in the foot over the ABC publishing Chris Masters’ book.

28 Comments

Filed under Politics

28 responses to “How Alan Jones Just Shot Himself in the Foot

  1. The shit is hitting the fan for that guy

    • pump leStump jr.

      in 2012 jones shot the other foot with the julia gillad dad dying of shame comment.

      what a HYPOCRITE! … and sorry OP but you’re wrong.. there’s nothing wrong with gays picking each other in a public toilet but it’s a PUBLIC toilet where OTHER people want a wee and a poo!

      NOT to watch some grotesque combover pumping ball yoghurt down your leg… that’s what BEDROOMS are for!

  2. Hurrr hurrr hurrrr. My toilet humour is infecting my readers.

  3. Monte

    Heh. I found this blog using the search: ‘ “alan jones” london toilet 1988 ‘.

    I doubt the book will have much affect on Jones. As you imply, his listener-base (the right) are squeamish about gay sex (read homophobic?) and yet they choose to ignore his exploits in London.

    Jones’ ignorant listeners are impermeable to the truth.

  4. I don’t know, it’s weird how many people don’t know. I think they guy should get knocked down a peg for being such a liar and a coward.

  5. Nicholas Folkes

    Alan Jones is a true champion. Chris Masters is a wanker looking to top up his superannuation before he goes into retirement. Alan is gay and decides to keep it personal – good on him. It shows his level of self respect and intelligence. There are many gays esp. men who decide it is their right to flush out all the gays or ‘out them’. This shows the lack of decency of some – if someone decide to keep his or her sexuality tight lipped, I say “good on them”.

    Alan might have an interesting topic everyday and I appreciate it. It is better than listening to the dribble of ABC – AM or Triple Whatever – FM. It might be difficult for boofheads to understand but there is so much in Australia that needs to be talked about or debated because our politicians are stuffing the country up. Maybe if State, Federal, Labour and Liberal did their job right and really cared about the well being of Australia then Alan could go on a long holiday.

    2GB is the most popular radio station in Sydney and all you whingers can’t handle it. Keep listening to your left wing crap and learn NOTHING.

    • jonesys aching prick

      you may have a point about him being gay angry but whacking your willy in a public toilet IS an offence against decency. there’s a place for sex, whether you want to feast on hairy taco or ram it up a bloke’s poo hole.. it’s called .. YOUR HOME!!

      >Alan Jones is a true champion.
      only if being a dickhead has become a sport

      > Chris Masters is a wanker looking to top up his superannuation before he goes into retirement.
      aren’t we all? this is irrelevant to jones’ alleged ‘character’

      > Alan is gay
      i’ve heard he likes ’em young too! god help him if i find anything. he also denies being gay

      >and decides to keep it personal
      out of .. SHAME???? will it prove fatal i wonder?

      > – good on him.
      not the issue. in fact it makes him a hypocrite when he’s busy judging OTHERS!!

      > It shows his level of self respect and intelligence.
      are you high or just naturally stupid? it shows he’s a two faced hypocritical WANKER (literally and figuratively) who talks of ‘shame’ when he was the one bopping his baloney in a PUBLIC PLACE!!

      > There are many gays esp. men who decide it is their right to flush out all the gays or ‘out them’.
      still harping on this one lame point. again and again. shows you don’t actually have a proper argument. i couldn’t care less about him being a bloke poke. it’s when he whips his weenie out in a (i repeat) PUBLIC PLACE that it’s an issue and he’s the LAST one to talk about ‘shame’.

      > This shows the lack of decency of some – if someone decide to keep his or her sexuality tight lipped, I say “good on them”.
      and again with the same point. it’s not about being gay. it’s about shaking your snake in front of the old bill in a public dunny
      jesus you’re a thicko!

      >Alan might have an interesting topic everyday and I appreciate it.
      topic = bullshit he makes up and uses to make himself the centre of attention, pocketing wads of cash in the process at the misery of other people? cronulla riots anyone?? hmm??

      > It is better than listening to the dribble of ABC – AM or Triple Whatever – FM.
      1. it’s DRIVEL, not ‘dribble’ you illiterate baboon (how unusual for right wing types)
      2. you know so much about the content of the ABC you can’t even remember their names? WOW! what a ‘well informed’ opinion

      > It might be difficult for boofheads to understand but there is so much in Australia that needs to be talked about or debated
      and it is. constantly. on the very stations you just heaped the brown sausage on.

      > because our politicians are stuffing the country up. Maybe if State, Federal, Labour and Liberal did their job right and really cared about the well being of Australia then Alan could go on a long holiday.
      before he started another riot or after?

      >2GB is the most popular radio station in Sydney
      and that’s a good thing because….? lol

      >and all you whingers can’t handle it.
      couldn’t care less. i’m not from skidmark. i’m from victoria🙂

      > Keep listening to your left wing crap and learn NOTHING.
      i learn plenty. but i still think for myself. usually the intellectual quotient of this continent listen to such sources. i’d hardly call anal ferret alan the voice of higher learning. he’s a violent, hypocritical, psychopathic wart on the anus of humanity. he has no class whatsoever, he’s a treasonous marmoset whose listeners have the intellect of a greek salad (without the dressing). listeners who can’t spell, use proper grammar (i use lower case deliberately so get fucked), use personal attacks in place of a salient argument and give the most credence to those with the most xenophobic foam on their lips. he’s been proven wrong REPEATEDLY yet you clowns keep listening to him because he tells you what you want to hear and takes your money whilst he’s at it.

    • irene keats

      doesnt alter the fact,,,,,soliciting gay sex in a public toilet

    • Chris Lawlor

      Is someone paying you cash for these comments Nicholas Folkes?
      Right wing troll.

    • Stringpicker

      Seems to me Jones was the wanker. However only a jackass totally unfamiliar with Masters could post this. Could I suggest you read “Uncommon Soldier” and see the magnitude of your folly.

  6. Godd for you buddy-boy. Your hero is a liar, a bully, a racist and a hypocrite. And he’s shallow, insecure, vain and temperamental. And I hear his table manners are not up to snuff either. You live in your world and I’ll live in mine.

  7. ixtlu

    Hahahahahaha – I am yet another who found your blog by searching “alan jones london public toilet”. Jones is representative of why the government of this country is so very wrong.

    Good on you Mr Angry. Methinks I shall bookmark your site.

  8. Thanks. I see Mr Jones is neck deep in it this week after a court found him guilty of essentially inciting violence. I wonder what will happen to him?

  9. mr me

    I have listened to this horrible excuse for a man when he has slammed a decent person (who i am well aquainted with) on the radio recently. Knowing how wrong and how spiteful the old queer is about the person i know, gives me a perspective on the rest of his comments on other topics. He is a disgrace. Hope he gets what he deserves. Yes Alan, you may think you are successful because people listen to you and you get paid a great deal. People listen to your sensationalism, but how about trying to become a decent human being?? Your a pratt.

  10. hahahaha Alan Jones become a decent human? I don’t think that’s within his comprehension.

  11. Simon

    with the scandal about Labor back-bencher Craig Thomson and the over-hyped escort scandal … wonder if Alan Jones has put his 2-cents worth into it?

    Glass houses and all.

  12. pete

    Ever see Chopper Read throw the issue of this toilet arrest at Jonesy? Jones just about pissed himself. I was highly amused.

    • jonesys aching prick

      ’twas such a jolly jape.
      on the kerry anne kennelhead show as i recall (amazing anyone got a word in the way she usually asks you a question then answers it herself after three words. the woman never shuts up).

      ol’ chop chop OWNED the old prick. it was after chop illustrated a new use for bolt cutters on the ABC on the elle mc.feast show after he’d had too many frosties in the green room.

      not only that but he and kennel features copped a ladeling on media watch that week for setting the whole ‘random phone call’ up. putting chop up in a motel and giving him the number.. lol. what was that about LYING alan?

      poor old al. went seriously tits up for him. and we know he’s not exactly a tit man .. hahaahhaaha

  13. HoBoy

    Having Alan Jones as your Football Coach seemed to work cause the players knew that if they did perform he’d pull ’em off.

  14. J

    Hi, just a bit of confusion. When you said “His response was along the lines of “It can mean many things but in this case it means masturbating in a public toilet.” Yowza! A little bit of the old “help me while I give this a shake” going on?”

    so, does it mean that he tried to get someone else to give him/give that person a handjob, or was he just doing something by himself and an undercover cop caught him? Or did he want sex with another man/

    • jonesys aching prick

      he was caught masturbating.
      he said “what ya reckon of me stick” to the cop and the cop went all ‘croc dundee’ on him and said “you call that a truncheon? that’s not a truncheon.. now THIS is a truncheon” .. and unsurprisingly .. pulled out an actual truncheon lol

  15. Robert Yates

    And to think that he started out as an English teacher at jolly old The Kings School back in the 70’s. He kept his little coterie of ‘special’
    students by his side for many years – I have a cousin who was one of them…..

  16. I don’t care one whit about his sexual preferences, why on earth should I? What I’d like to say though, is that he should be put in a hessian bag and thrown into the sea

  17. Susanna, I would agree but there are laws that control what can be disposed in the sea and I don’t he would fit the criteria.

  18. Fallen1

    For me I think the biggest sign of a apathetic populace is Alan Jone’s popularity. A Radio “Shock Jock” that never really shocks conservatives ain’t much of a shock jock.
    End of the day I think the bigger concerns with our government is that that QLD Premier was more than happy to sign off on “produced water” from Fracking going straight in to the local drinking supply or that every time the Government loses a battle in court they just change the laws or put in new legislation to win the appeals…

    Bob Brown vs Forestry&Gunn
    Human Rights groups vs Immigration Detention Policy to name a couple.

  19. Tony Baron

    It’s a relief knowing that people such as Chris Masters are publicly giving Alan Jones the publicity he deserves.

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