I’ve just been visiting little Mr Angry (that’s my son, not a perverse nickname for my… well, anyway) to see how he was because he fell in the shower last night and opened a fairly nasty gash on his forehead. Apparently these days they don’t stitch you up, they actually glued the cut shut. That sounds risky, if the doctor wasn’t paying attention, he could end up with his hand super-glued to my kid’s eyebrow. When I was a kid I got sconed with a 2.5 kilogram discus at school and needed a couple of stitches. Yes, I know that explains a lot.
I have a lot of time for emergency services staff, they do invaluable work and should all be millionaires. It’s absolutely criminal that soulless stockbroker types who produce absolutely nothing of value make a fortune while society’s shock troops are paid a pittance by comparison. I say that as a lead-in disclaimer because in this particular case the hospital staff made me very fucking angry.
After waiting a couple of hours (aren’t casualty wards fun?) a doctor got to work on stitching my head. He had a couple of trainee nurses with him and the following discussion took place just behind my head:
Doctor: Have you two had much experience suturing?
Nurse: Not on an actual person.
Doctor: Oh, would you like to practice on him?
WHAT?!?!?! I know everyone has to do something for the first time but they didn’t have to let me hear! They could have gone into the next fucking room! The nurses sensed I wasn’t happy and suggested the doctor do it himself. This may not have been the best idea for me as this was his running commentary:
Doctor: Now, I know there’s a standard way to suture, but I have my own way. I go over and under and… oh damn, I’ve done it wrong.
I swear, if I hadn’t had anesthetic pumped into my head a few minutes before this, I really would have lost my shit. I think if they had used glue in my day, this clown would have stuck my fucking head to the operating table. Anyway, the little dude’s doing well. The cut is just above his eyebrow so I told him not to worry, even if it leaves a scar, it will look cool.
He thinks I’m weird.
8 responses to “Putting Humpty together again”
I was going to write something really hateful about doctors, but remembered the sweet guy that took care of me after my car wreck. All the emergency staff at Baylor Grapevine are incredible.
Everywhere else doctors are generally greedy fuckwads.
Glad Jr. is doing good. All kids think their parents are weird.
I haven’t seen a doctor in a while. I think that they are… I don’t know I know nurses and they are pretty cool.
I think the doctors sometimes forget that they’re treating actual people who can understand some of what’s going on, instead of just bodies with parts that need to be worked on.
Best wishes to Angry Jnr; tell him to get working on a better story though – chicks dig scars, but he’ll need something better than “fell in the shower”. Defending an old lady against a gang of muggers is a good one, or fighting a huge dog. My only scar is on my hand, so I usually claim it’s the result of a knife fight with a street gang (I actually did it on a metal bucket).
It was bound to happen
Sandra: there are certainly docs who give all the others a bad name but I prefer to think of the good ones.
Range: I agree that nurses and paramendic deserve more recognition than doctors
Michelle: exactly,on some levels I can forgive them because of the volume of work they do, but they do need to remember we’re not just sacks of meat
Paul: thanks, that’s the sort of story I recommend he tells too. Oh and GAHHHHHH, I really didn’t need the nightmare of that news story.
weird or angrily crazy?!
if i were in your shoes, surely i would haunt that doc the next night!
Hope little Mr. angry will be OK. A discus? I can see why you are so angry nay – persecuted, I mean how many people have been wounded by a discus.