I’m planning a couple of advice-style posts as I’ve had a few ideas in this area floating around in my head for a while. I’ve written quite a few work-advice posts and it was very popular when I provided relationship advice. I must admit, the idea that relationship advice from Mr Angry was helpful to people was quite disturbing to me. Obviously, people’s problems are far worse than even I realised.
So, while I’m in the mood, what problems are you having that Mr Angry can solve? It’s my belief that there’s nothing that can’t be solved by hitting it with a big dose of angry. So take advantage while I’m in public service mode. Unfortunately, this won’t count towards my court-ordered community service tied up with that unfortunate incident with the shopping trolley and the eight items or less lane but we can’t have everything I guess.
Angry 365 Days a Year 
Dear Mr. Angry, I have a serious problem with drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. You see, my wife won’t let me drink and she’s always after me to quit smoking. This is a real pain in the ass for me. What should I do?
–(Too Bloody) Healthy in Japan
Dear Mr Angry, I want to be less angry. I want to dominate the world with the Angry Alliance. And watch a lot of Southpark and Bromwell high. Please help.
I have given up MOST of my bad behavior. What little I have not given up, I’m keeping and you CAN’T fucking make me give it up! So there. Thank you so much for allowing me to express myself. They will give me a pass from the nut house next Thursday….for two hours.
Kyklops: you’re not getting any helpd from me in smoking – it’s a completely indefensible habit. The drinking? Moderation is good. Maybe start sliiping a bit of sake in your wife’s tea – she’ll mellow out in no time.
Range: That sounds like a good plan – I’ll email my help tonight
Sandra: that’s what this blog is for! Venting and feeling better 🙂 I didn’t mean bad habits anyway, Kyklops started that thread, I meant what evil shits do you want me to deal with! 😀
Dear Mr Angry, I’m still trying to buy my one-way ticket. But the good online places don’t let people pay by check or money order. Should I perhaps call these companies and yell at them so I can vent my annoyance, or would an email be better?
I haven’t had a cigarette since July 4th….Independence day in more ways than one. I don’t have a big problem stopping. I have a hard time not starting back. It is a nasty disgusting habit…my chronic relapse drug.
Sandra, I agree with you completely, but you know what really burns my ass? If I were an alcoholic or a heroin addict I would have access to all the FREE medical attention governments in the developed world can offer. But as a smoker, what do I get? Sweet FA, that’s what, and on top of it all they raise the taxes on smokes IN ORDER TO PROFIT FROM MY ADDICTION, and then have the gall to say I’m costing the health care system money!! I’m lower on the scum scale than some boozer who beats his wife or some junkie who robs for his fix. WTF is that about? [drool runs down chin, fit of rage sets in…]
Di: Sadly the online folks all want credit cards, although I think there is some weird version of online cheques. They don’t care about your complaints (I know from experience) so don’t waste your time. Find a competitor who can give you what you want – the ultimate revenge.
Sandra: Yes, the relapse is hard to get past. Trying is a huge positive tho.
Kyklops: good point. People are really messed up with accepting what is acceptable help in these situations
dear mr. Angry, I have a credit card problem. Credit card companies just can’t stop calling me to advertise for their new ‘great’ rate card. All the while I just want to say to them “I don’t want your credit cards, you can shove it up your anus”. Should I just tell them that next time?
Tru; Send them a reply saying: Thanks so much for having confidence in me, I thought everyone had given up on me. When I got addicted crack everything seemed to go wrong. I sold all my possessions to support my habit then began doing armed robberies. I lost even more money gambling trying to cover my debts. Then I embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from work and blew that too. Luckily your offer came through before my court case so I can use it to get a lawyer. Could you give me a $20,000 limit?
After that you’ll never hear from them again.
Mr. Angry, gun laws in the UK mean that I can’t purchase a 7.62mm high-powered rifle and 40×8 telescopics to drill a hole through Tony Blair and then drill 12 holes through Dubbyer Bush. Can you help?
Mr Angry – regarding kyklops’s case what can you do if your wife agrees to quit tea? Mine did.
Custador: Um I dunno… vote? Ahahahahahahahaha! Of course we know that won’t change anything, any other gimp will be just as bad. I recommend getting a punching bag and taking out your frustrations on that.
Ash: I’d say you come up with a trade-off. If you can indulge in your hobby with minimal ill-effects to others than you should be able to do so. Give up something else. Sorry to smokers: this always has ill effects to others. Binge drinking/alcoholism is similarly impossible to justify. Moderation folks!