Some random workplace observations

A few things I have noticed recently at work:

1. People talk shit. I’m not just talking about the standard “how about this weather?” shit – a disturbingly high proportion of people seem to have a pathological need to say insanely fucking stupid things. I’ve complained before about people making a big scene when I drink more than one can of cola but make no mention of the person who has four coffees before lunchtime. In the last week, I’ve been subjected to at least half a dozen people who feel compelled to pass comment on the fact that I’m making a sandwich in the kitchen to put in the sandwich toaster. It’s always a variation of “Wow, you’re organised.” What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, some bread cheese and ham – I’m a regular fucking rocket scientist. Piss of before I stab you.

2. Some metaphors are never appropriate. This is a shortcoming of mine. I like to use colourful language to illustrate points, it makes the day less boring. So today, someone offers me a donut for morning tea. I asked if it was a Krispy Kreme donut and they said no, it’s a normal boring cinnamon donut. So I said no thanks, “I’d have it if it was Krispy Kreme, I’d kill a small child for a Krispy Kreme donut.” Talk about conversation killers. Apparently, it’s never appropriate at work to mention things that would compel you to kill a small child.

**Disclaimer: I did mention yesterday that I was considering endorsements. I don’t have an endorsement deal from Krispy Kreme, I just really like their donuts. I think it’s safe to say Krispy Kreme wouldn’t want their product associated with infanticide perpetrated by a foul mouthed angry blogger.

3. Motivational tools almost never work.  So the latest “motivational” gumph at work is a mirror over the kitchenette sink with the slogan “Who is responsible for reaching this quarter’s targets?”  The implication being, I look in the mirror and see my face above this slogan so that means I’m personally responsible for the whole company meeting its targets.
That’s so fucking unfair.
What they hell are all those other lazy bastards doing?  Why is it all down to me?
I get caught by this mirror every time I go to the sink and I drink a lot of water so I’m at the sink a lot.  I get transfixed and stare into the mirror.  People think it’s because I’m vain but really I’m paralysed by the awful weight of responsibility that’s been placed on me.

4. Nobody likes to be told they’re stupid. And the more stupid someone is, the less receptive they are to being told about it. I don’t believe this requires any further elaboration.

14 Comments

Filed under Work

14 responses to “Some random workplace observations

  1. Familiar with all of this. My place is ” Iso 9000 ” crazy and the newest bullshit term is ” Gainsharing “, with tons of graphs being posted on walls that I purposely ignor. Gainsharing is just another way to have us bust our butts producing, with the hope that maybe a small pittance will wind up in our pockets when all is said and done. We’re not told we are stupid, it’s just naturally assumed.

  2. Mr. Angry, I’m calling ‘bullshit’ on this one (simply because, contrary to your public image, I don’t think you’d be this rude):

    I asked if it was a Krispy Kreme donut […]

    Seriously, you don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would ask “what kind is it?” if someone were, out of the kindness of their own hearts, offering a donut, beer, whatever. I think you would do what most people do: notice the brand and, if you didn’t like it, politely say that you weren’t hungry/thirsty/whatever.
    Believe me (please!!), I’m not looking for a flame war. I just don’t think you would do that.

    Motivational “tools” never work on anyone with half a brain…

    …who you calling stupid…?

  3. Hello from Miami!

    Mr. Angry I think you have Kyklops concerned by your crispy beahviour🙂

    Must dash – but wanted to check and say “hola”. Spanish is the first language of Miami. Oh we went to Little Havana last night and had Cuban.

    ciao por ahora
    Nazli

  4. …people making a big scene when I drink more than one can of cola but make no mention of the person who has four coffees before lunchtime.

    I hear ya on that one.

  5. blue collar: yeah, it becomes clear that it’s the people who launch all these “initiatives” are the stupid ones because they think we’ll fall for it.

    kyklops: Good guess, but I’m actually trying to lose weight! I would have weakened for KK but nothing less.

    Nazli: I’m jealous as always, your life seems so much more exotic than mine

    Jessica: Non coffee drinkers unite against oppression!

  6. Yeah!

    We’re not gonna take it!
    NO!
    We’re not gonna take it!

    We’re not gonna take it …. anymorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeee

  7. One can of cola, hey…. one can…hmmmm. I can’t go through the day without consuming at least 3x600ml cokes….

    No wonder my daughter calls me “fatguts”…(you can thank her mother(my ex wife) for teaching her that one- and I’m usually to busy laughing to get pissed off about it. And there is also the fact that it’s true (kind of)).

    BTW, it’s not the wibblywobbly jelly kinda fat, either, I’m just a “solid” build. There’s stomach muscles there, they just protrude a bit more than I would like…

  8. Oh, Mr. Angry! How can I disagree with number 4?!

    Sorry, I haven’t been commenting recently. I was busy with Eid. Eid Mubarak, Mr. Angry!

  9. Jesica: If I didn’t already have a theme song, I’d take that one!

    Grunstki: I drink heaps more than one, but it’s still discrimination. I drink the sugar free versions to help with the fatguts syndrome.

    Suroor: You let a little something like the most significant part of your year interfere with blog activities?😉

  10. Mr Angry…. check my latest blog…

    Fuck….

  11. I couldn’t agree more with the inane b/s that people actually say. When I used to eat at my desk people always snooped around to see what I was eating. Or they’d pass by and see what I was eating and make a comment about it. Why is my lean cuisine so damn intriguing to anybody???

    Loved it.

  12. It’s a tragic indictment of the mediocrity of people’s lives.

  13. I’m with you on the thing about non-coffee drinkers.

    What happens with me is, people always comment on how much I eat (I eat a lot), but here they are drinking all those sugary, caffeine-loaded energy drinks that are like 4-coffees-in-one.

    Then they feel compelled to point out you really shouldn’t be eating that candy bar. Nevermind the fact that I’m having a Diet Coke with it, and with the amount of food I eat in a day, the candy bar is negligable.

    And dark chocolate has healty substances from the cocoa plant, not a ton of harmful hydrogenated oils like baked goods do, and nowhere near the saturated fat of a single York peppermint patty.

    And I’m not even remotely close to being overweight!

    I could understand it if I ate several candy bars a day…they should get a life.

  14. Damn right, it’s a sure sign of someone needing to get a life when they feel compelled to interfere in yours.

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