Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to be here tonight accepting this award. It’s been a long time coming and of all the people you’ve given this award to over the years which now includes (officially) everybody, I think I’m by far the most deserving recipient.
I know you’ll hear people saying that this is evidence that you’re totally clueless and this is nothing more than a stupid publicity stunt but it’s obvious how wrong they are. When a stunt makes you the most widely discussed topic on the internet, the stunt is anything but stupid. I’d call it a pretty fucking cunning stunt (with apologies to Reverend Spooner).
Your example will be held up to marketers for years to come. There is no tired old annual cliche that can’t have new life breathed into it so long as you are willing to keep sinking lower into cliche and cheap grabs for attention. The only thing holding you back is your dignity and I think we can all agree that this means nobody in the media will ever be held back.
Publishers of Time magazine, I salute you just as you have saluted me. Really, you’re the people of the year. Oh wait, you’ve said that yourself haven’t you? Never mind, good job anyway.
Here’s my Angry News bulletin covering the story:
The URL for the video of my acceptance speech is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUPpnLOXj1c