More reasons being angry is good

Essentially, when you give off the right angry vibe, people won’t fuck with you. I don’t recommend being angry around people you deal with every day – they’ll think you’re crazy and it can make holding down a job difficult.

But practice your angry vibe and you can radiate “don’t fuck with me” without actually doing anything overtly angry. People won’t be able to put their finger on exactly what they’re being cautious about, but they’ll have a strong sense that their life will be less troublesome if they leave you the fuck alone.

It’s amazing how much you can actually freak people out by being emotionless – I’ve used what I call me “ice man” expression to sterling effect more than once. One of my favourite examples was way back when I was at college. I was with a friend at a “non-college” pub which could occasionally be a dicey proposition in a country town. I made my life more difficult by letting a hairdresser friend do a wacky haircut on me that nobody local would dare get – I had a design that looked like crop circles cut into my hair.

So I was walking up to the bar and I passed a table of yobs who felt compelled to comment on my haircut. The most eloquent of this little brains trust shouted “Nice haircut, mate,” as I passed. This was actually quite threatening as their were four of them and they were all bigger than me. I was going to ignore them and continue on without acknowledging them but then I thought “No, fuck these idiots.”

I stopped, then slowly turned to face them. I stared at them for a second, expressionless, then said in a monotone: “Thanks (long pause) I’m glad you like it.”

This table of cavemen were absolutely gobsmacked. I was actually terrified of them but had managed to convince them I was totally fucking insane. The look in their faces made it apparent that they believed I’d swap my intended order at the bar for a bucket of their blood without hesitation.

Then the poet laureate of the group broke their stunned silence by stammering “No… uh, no. I, uh, really meant it. I think it’s… ummm, a good haircut.”

At this point I realised my bluff had worked but still betrayed no emotion – simply rolled my eyes and muttered “Yeah, right.”

They were real careful not to make eye contact with me for the rest of the time I was at the pub.

11 Comments

Filed under General Angriness

11 responses to “More reasons being angry is good

  1. That’s just such a beautiful story… I’ve been touched.

  2. I’ve known this to be true for a long time. Once ran into someone years after high school who confessed she became my friend because she was scared to death I might decide to beat the crap out of her one day.

    I’ve never been in a physical fight in my life and barely even remembered this person. My confrontations at school were limited to scathing looks and even more scathing words. Apparently that was enough to send many running.

  3. I could give anyone lessons in how to appear like a psychotic killer suffering a bad hair day- although the fact that this basically describes me doesn’t help…..

  4. EDIT- Even when (usually in my bosses office) I am on my best behaviour, and simply trying to present my case/POV, I get a “Counselling” session for being a little too overpowering/aggressive/intimidatory.

    This is something I have put up with my entire working life, and I just don’t get it.

    Sure, I am stocky, 6′ tall, look like a truck driving drug dealer on steroids (complete with Goatee and short hair) but in reality, I’m as soft as Camembert cheese (thick skin, but all gooshy on the inside).

    I also tend to be a little bit smarter than the average cookie (not being a smart ass, but it is the truth), and alot of folks (especially my managers/supervisors) find that threatening. Even though I don’t want their job, and am extremely happy doing the job I have now, they seem to think I do (want their job). So they slam me down, regardless.

    Fucking worthless sacks of shit.

    If they aren’t confident in their ability to do the job they are employed to do, they should just FUCK THE HELL OFF!!!

    Rant Completed..

    Pricks.

  5. Tommy KnightHawk

    Ok so I have just finished (finally) reading all of your posts Mr. Angry.

    I was one of the people that stumbled onto your blog through one of the off the wall searches. A friend had told me foreskin restoration was possible and I said, “BS!!!!”.

    So while searching for evidence I found your blog and have become the insane one at work for bursting out laughing at inopportune times.

    I have to say at first I thought you were my father, because you share many of the same humor triggers. However, my dad is about a conservative as they come and voted for the blivvy that “runs” the US of A. (you may be able to tell that THIS apple fell very far from the tree)

    I haven’t been able to view your Vlogs yet because my work internet doesn’t allow YouTube (are you responsible for that?) and home life has been too busy to watch them, but I WILL watch them.

    Keep up the good work!

  6. Michelle: one of life’s beautiful moments

    Marie: I managed to create a false impression of my fighting history at school so that I almost never had real fights.

    Gruntski: sometimes the truth is the best defence🙂 Awesome follow-up rant by the way!

    Tommy: welcome aboard! Are you able to get DirecTV at your place by any chance? You could see me on their show “The Fizz” apparently.

  7. If only the “fuck off” stance worked as well against slimy men. Considering I’ve had to punch a couple of them away if my male friends leave me for just a minute in the bar. (And one of the last ones spilled my beer. Ass.)

    Charming and evil works as a reputation, but I used to be known to invoke the fact that I have quite a lot of sicilian cousins.

  8. Slimy men are almost impervious to being put off. The sicilian cousin thing might work though🙂

  9. Might, it’s doubtful, though. The best defense I have locally is a dear friend who played football in high school.

  10. Playing and manipulating cavemen is always fun.

  11. hahaha you’re my hero🙂

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