Marketing worthless crap

As usual, the TV has provided me with ample reason to be angry.  Advertising in particular gives ample fodder for an angry life and not big things like sexist ads of the encouragement of over-consumption.  It’s the small thing that make me want to pound the responsible marketing slug’s face into some concrete until it cracks or they learn the error of their ways.  I’m pretty sure the concrete would crack before one of those fuckers would change.

The object of my anger today is advertising for cleaning products.  Stupid fucked-up advertising for cleaning products usually falls into one of two categories: disinfectant thingies that try to convince you that that you’re surrounded by germs and you’ll die immediately if you don’t swab/spray/soak with this product and some minor “improvement” to a traditional cleaning product that you can’t possibly exist without.

It’s actually the second sort that annoy me the most – the ad tends to show people struggling with an old mop, broom or vacuum cleaner and their life is clearly miserable.  All of civilization is being held back because of this archaic device.  People’s home’s are not clean enough!  We are being repressed by dirt!  The only thing that can save us is this… thing.  Why this makes me angry is I really fucking hate having my intelligence insulted.

I can imagine the conversation at EvilFuckers International Advertising Inc when they have a new product:

Senior Executive: Billy, we’ve got an exciting new project for you!

Junior Executive: Sounds great JT!  What is it?

SE: You’re developing the campaign for the new Ultima 3000 Cleanovator.

JE: Hmmm.  Looks like a map.

SE: This is going to revolutionise mopping.

JE: I’m not sure mopping needs a revolution – mopping just kind of… works.

SE: That’s why this is so exciting.  For you.  You need to convince people they absolutely need this product.  Or you’re fired.  And you know what happens if you’re fired.

JE: You’ll eat my soul?

SE: Hahaahahaha.  That’s why everyone loves you Jimmy, you’re funny.  No, no, no.  We ate your soul when you started working here.  No, if we fire you we’ll eat your head.

JE:  Oh, great.  Well, let’s go with the Ultima 300 then.  Awesome.

SE: Awesome!

I’m sure it goes almost exactly like that.



Filed under General Angriness

7 responses to “Marketing worthless crap

  1. Strangely reminds me of the fact that I “Press Released” that is going start-up pro blog platform tomorrow for only $1 first year! 😀

    How could that be? Well, maybe since I just wanna sweep out all of blogspot ’cause it’s frankly no good.

  2. I have a TV. I actually have two of them.

    But I don’t have an antenna (that works) to receive TV.

    And every time I come to Melbourne, or visit people (who invariably have the TV going), it reminds me why I haven’t bothered with TV at my house for two and a half years.

    And it’s mostly the ads. They shit me to tears.

    Followed closely by the crap they call entertainment (and these people get paid hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars each year to do WHAT???)

    I’d rather read a blog/book or play some music (either listen or play guitar) or self-inflict some substantial liver damage/brain-cell population control.

    And when I have the kids on each second weekend, the DVD player gets used, usually when it’s too dark for me to send them outside to play.

  3. Daniel: go for it! Wipe blogspit out.

    gruntski: I spend much more time online than TV. And most of my TV watching is animated shows on Foxtel. 99.99% of what gets screened is utter drivel.

  4. Well. I launched my new companies profile today – jaSpOiD.coM, written in Comic Sans. And updated the PR to match it.

    Tomorrow I’ll be moving out my personal stuff to whatever it’s gonna be. (I have 15 domains to pick from.) Probably, cause I’m tired of typing all the time. – much better! 🙂

  5. Anthony

    There’s always ads that shit the hell out of me this time of year, the massive, one day only, must be gone by midnight, everything must go, sales. 60 seconds of some fuckwit screaming into my lounge room about the massive savings I’ll get on what can only be described as worthless crap that no one wanted to buy through the year.

    Last night, new years day, at 10pm, they started coming thick and fast. “one day only, 10am to 9pm, everything must go”. So, you’re telling me about a massive sale that ended an hour ago…

  6. Daniel: Damn dude, you’re busy.

    Anthony: yeah, the screaming ads are a real treat aren’t they?

  7. Evil corporations, evil!

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