Monthly Archives: December 2006

200 videos for Mr Angry

Can’t get enough of Mr Angry? Here’s 100 videos in 15 minutes! It’s taken me just over six months to compile over 200 videos on YouTube. You’re honour, I’d like to tender this as “People’s Exhibit A” in the case of Mr Angry vs. Having a Life. Case closed. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Actually, as a tease, I’ll lead in with the video of the first 100 vids. Most of my regular will have already seen this but it’s worth a viewing for anyone who missed it.


The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8karvfqR_HI

SO here’s the follow up. Special thanks to Gruntski who has no idea he was going to play such a prominent role in my 200th video when he sent me the little piece of video you see right at the end of this piece.


The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RWtbfNhol8

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On the road again

It’s amazing when you think you’ve had a good drive because there were only about a dozen fuckwits on the road.  Anyway, after ten hours on the road the best thing I can say about this trip is that it’s over.

I’m planning on doing a number of posts over the coming days inspired by Tom’s “Epikles” characters – one for each genus of moron I encountered on the road.  But that’s ahead of me as are approximately 36 hours of my kids saying “can we open our Festivus presents yet?”

Oh and I’m going to post my 200th YouTube video as well.

See you soon!

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Five things I’ve never done

It’s a bit hard to miss the “meme” that’s doing the round of blogs at them moment, a game of tag where, once tagged, you write five things that people might not know about you and then you tag five more people asking them to do the same.  I’ve been tagged multiple times for this meme but I’m not going to take part for a couple of reasons (I’ve also received similar tags in the past and haven’t responded for the same reasons.)

The main reason is telling you secrets about myself would jeopardise my tissue-thin anonymity.  A determined person would work out who I am pretty quickly and in fact several people online already know who I am.  But let me cling to the illusion that I’m not going to get dooced tomorrow. 

A secondary reason is that this is just a little too much like a chain letter for me.  This is not a criticism of people who are taking part (which seems to be just about everyone in the blogosphere) but it’s a personal choice of mine not to propogate it.  I hope this doesn’t offend anyone.  Who am I kidding?  Anyone who’s that easily offended would have dropped me like a hot potato ages ago.  No fucking weenies on Team Angry!

I did actually reveal a fair bit about myself in a video a while ago.  For those who want to revisit it, here it is:

The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UDiq2eQs1E

I have actually done a response of sorts to the tag meme.  By coincidence, I’m up to video number 199 on YouTube and I took this opportunity to do a sort of a retrospective.  So here’s my psuedo-response to being tagged; five things I’ve never done on YouTube (for those who can’t watch videos there’s a transcript of sorts following the video).

The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cJ09mA2L7I

One thing I’ve never done is leave a negative comment on someone else’s video.  When some moron has had a go at me via comments on one of my own videos I’ve frequently let them have it with both barrels but I’ve never played the hater game on someone else’s video. And I’ve never followed an argument with a hater back to their profile or their own videos in the rare cases where haters have actually bothered to put together videos.  I’ve backed up friends on their profiles and videos but I won’t chase haters.  That’s just a downward spiral.
 
A second thing I’ve never done is I’ve never tried to have a user banned or a video banned.  I’ve voiced my opinion in my own videos about what I see as despicable behaviour and I encourage others to speak out against hateful behaviour but my personal belief system doesn’t support censorship.
 
A third thing I’ve never done is rate someone’s video at less than 5 stars.  I don’t rate every video I watch but when I can see someone’s making an effort I always give five stars.  Life’s too short to not encourage people to keep trying.  
 
A fourth thing I’ve never done is to go after any individual YouTuber.  I’m almost always disappointed when someone goes after another individual and some people I really respect have done it.  I’ve spoken out against types of behaviour, notably racists and haters but I’ve never gone after an individual YouTube user.  I’ve gone after some very public figures but they make their living by being in the public eye and they frequently go after other people, usually people who are defenceless so they pretty much invite this sort of attack on themselves.  But I don’t see the value in going after people on Youtube. No matter how many some of them deserve it.  Except Mr SafetyFuck that guy, who does he think he is?  
 
A fifth thing I’ve never done is I’ve never regretted something I’ve done in a video or tried to retract something I’ve said or done in a video.  Which is not to say I’m never wrong, just that (despite appearances to the contrary) I put a lot of thought into what I say in videos.  I’m usually well aware ahead of time when I’m doing something that might offend someone.  As it turns out, I’m often far more sensitive to this than most of my viewers.  This goes for my blog readers too, whenever I write something that I worry will alienate people, my regular readers are cosistently astute enough to get the joke.  When I know something’s in risky territory I usually go ahead because I think it’s important… or I think it’s really funny.  I’m happy for them to continue to stand, flaws and all.  People can either deal with that or stop watching.
 
By the way, this is not my “rules for life” – I’m not saying everyone should follow these guidelines, they’re mine and they won’t necessarily suit everybody.  Whatever works for you, be true to that.  I get asked a lot for advice and I try to give the best I can but knowing for yourself what’s important to you is the best advice I can give.  What is important to you?  What are the things you want to achieve?  What are the things you won’t do?  If you don’t have a clear idea of these things then how will you know when you succeed?  If you get all these things clear in your head, You’ll find it a lot easier to go forward.  You’ll still screw up, but you’ll screw up on your own terms.  And that counts for a lot.

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My acceptance speech on receiving Time magazine’s “Person of the Year” award

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to be here tonight accepting this award.  It’s been a long time coming and of all the people you’ve given this award to over the years which now includes (officially) everybody, I think I’m by far the most deserving recipient.

I know you’ll hear people saying that this is evidence that you’re totally clueless and this is nothing more than a stupid publicity stunt but it’s obvious how wrong they are.  When a stunt makes you the most widely discussed topic on the internet, the stunt is anything but stupid.  I’d call it a pretty fucking cunning stunt (with apologies to Reverend Spooner).

Your example will be held up to marketers for years to come.  There is no tired old annual cliche that can’t have new life breathed into it so long as you are willing to keep sinking lower into cliche and cheap grabs for attention.  The only thing holding you back is your dignity and I think we can all agree that this means nobody in the media will ever be held back. 

Publishers of Time magazine, I salute you just as you have saluted me.  Really, you’re the people of the year.  Oh wait, you’ve said that yourself haven’t you?  Never mind, good job anyway.

Here’s my Angry News bulletin covering the story:

The URL for the video of my acceptance speech is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUPpnLOXj1c

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Whining office morons win again

I little while ago I blogged about a fantastic instance of lateral thinking winning the day in the office where I work.  Essentially there was a blind corner and nobody could figure out how to make it safe.  Then came the master stroke of putting a large pot plant on the corner which forced people slow down and walk around the corner rather than cutting around quickly and causing collisions.

At the time I noted that there was one whiner who complained they would run into the plant.  Apparently they are so fucking stupid they think they are more likely to suffer trauma from running into a two metre rubber plant (that you could not possibly fail to notice no matter how fucking stupid you are) than from someone they can’t see coming around the corner holding a hot coffee.  Nobody paid attention to them.

Or so I thought.

This week the big plant was taken away and replaced with a small plant because of the complaints of this one fucked-up loser.  This is the worst of both worlds: there’s still an obstacle on the corner but it’s below your natural line of sight so it’s a fucking hazard rather than a help.  The idiot calls this a “compromise” but I call it fucking moronic.  A compromise is where both sides gain something.  This is just a whiny control freak who couldn’t deal with not getting their way.

So far this week I’ve bashed my shin on the pot three times and had half a dozen near misses with people coming around the corner because the small plant does nothing to encourage you to take the corner wide and slowly.

If I get my way there’s going to be a MUCH bigger pot there because I’m going to kill this bastard and I’ll need somewhere to stash the body.  It’s the perfect solution – the only way this person could possibly be of any use to society is as compost.

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Filed under Work

Mr Angry brings you the news that matters

We all get busy in this modern world and it’s easy to miss the important news stories of the day.  Fortunately, you have me to keep you informed.  Here are some stories that have caught my eye in the last week.  Remember our motto at the Angry News Network (ANN) – everyone else is lying to you!

This first story is about how some media companies have decided to band together to build a massive multi-million dollar neon sign proclaiming how stupid they are.  The sign will be visible from space.  Well, OK, strictly speaking that isn’t what they’re doing.  But it may as well be their plan.

The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJZarM788Eg

This next story shows how evil criminal masterminds are planning to take over the world.  Again, it is possible that this description is not entirely accurate.

The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSr4T7fhVAI

Finally, in this video I get to explore my long held desire to present a nature documentary.  No, seriously.

The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XGiWYLbtQg

While I’m on the subject of videos, I have now uploaded 196 videos to YouTube.  I’m planning an extravaganza for the 200th video featuring snippets of each of the previous 99 videos.  Essentially the same as I planned for the 100th video.  This didn’t work out exactly as I wanted because of logistical issues and the compilation video ended up being the 102nd video I posted.  But I’m prepared this time and I’ve already edited the first 90 videos.  In case anyone is wondering, it’s taken me a little over six months to reach this milestone – I posted my first video on June 9th. 

I’ll be the first to agree with anyone who wants to question my sanity regarding this little venture.

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A reminder about me deleting your comments because I hate you

My WordPress blog now seems to be getting around 500 comment spam a day.  All successfully blocked by Akismet – eat that you spamming sacks of shit!  The downside of this is that if I forget to clear the spam traps for even a few hours it builds up to the point where checking for false positives is a pain in the arse.  In other words, I’m deleting huge chunks of comment spam and just living with the possibility that legitimate comments might get caught up in the filters.

A quick tip: the thing most likely to get you caught in the filters is including more than one URL in a comment.  I’m not trying to put people off providing relevant links (I like links) but more than one greatly increases your risk of being filtered as spam.

I’d actually like to single out two of the spammers for special mention and tell you what I’m going to do to them if I ever catch them.  One of them precedes their URLs with a line of broken English saying essentially “Hi, this isn’t spam.”  There’s something about the sheer affront of this lie that makes me want to punch the person in the face.  Then there’s the one who submits literally hundreds of URLs in each spam which seem to take forever to scroll through. 

If I ever catch this bastard I’m going to shoot them in the face so their mother can’t give them an open coffin at their funeral (I’m channelling “Goodfellahs” today.)

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