I think we can all agree that all of our exes are idiots, right? I mean, they may have some redeeming features but if they weren’t idiots they’d still be with us, right? Because I know my readers. My readers are high quality people. And WE got rid of THEM. Any appearances to the contrary are optical illusions or the misguided gossipping of other idiots who don’t know what REALLY happened.
If you’re anything like me you will have little private revenges against your ex. Nothing drastic like planting grass seeds in their clothing or wrecking their car or setting them on fire. No, I mean little things that they’ll never know about. Stuff that is essentially meaningless but gives you an outsize sense of satisfaction.
For me, these things usually revolve around things my ex didn’t like or wouldn’t do. Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean things like she hated a particular TV show so now I watch it all the time (or more often she insisted on watching a really shitty show and I take great pleasure in never watching it now). She didn’t like a particular food so now I eat that all the time. Or, my particular favourite, she had a bit of an obsession regarding what was an acceptable pattern on toilet paper.
She couldn’t bring herself to wipe her arse on any cute animals so wouldn’t buy toilet paper that featured prints of, say, dolphins or puppies. Suffice to say that I now take great pleasure in using cute little puppies to clean up my shit. Sometime I also use toilet paper that has puppies printed on it.
I’m not the only one who does this stuff, right?