Monthly Archives: April 2007

Just a smidge stressed…

I learned something at work today – I don’t communicate as well as I think I do.  I had a few stressful hours trying to clarify some rather complex issues.  The other parties involved were  intelligent people and, in fact, I quite enjoy working with them.  But the difficulties I was having were really stressing me out.

I think I might actually do one of my more serious posts on the topic of effective communication now I’m thinking of it.  But not today.  This video shows me releasing my stress today:


Filed under Video Blogging, Work

I, for one, welcome our insect overlords…

So have you heard about how people are freaking out about bees disappearing?  Nobody knows for sure and some weird theories are floating about.  I don’t know what’s happening but fortunately I know somebody from the future who can give us the answer from his vantage point…


Filed under Video Blogging

Crime Scene Investigation

I’ve noticed a tendency for people to try to make their lives, and more specifically their work, seem more exciting than it really is.  Usually, this desperate attempt to appear interesting simply highlights how fucked the person’s life actually is.

I remember years ago I was working in the IT department of an insurance company and there was a new finance system being developed that was code-named “weapon”.  I’m sure the dweebs who thought that one up did it because they imagined they would sound cool chatting up some girl in a bar saying “I work on weapon development.”

Another example I can think of was some scumbag ticket inspectors on a tram one day.  As an aside, I fucking hate ticket inspectors.  And parking inspectors.  Don’t waste my time saying “I’m just doing my job.”  That defence didn’t work in Nuremberg and it won’t work with me.  About six of these wankers were in “plainclothes” on the tram I was riding when all of a sudden they synchronised the revelation of their inspector badges they’d been concealing on a lanyard under their clothes.

I had a ticket so they couldn’t hassle me but I couldn’t stop laughing.  It seemed like they had watched too many episodes of “Law and Order”.  They thought they were some sort of hardcore undercover cops the way they did it so seriously.  I don’t think they appreciated my mirth.

On a similar note, check out this video showing what the dickheads in my local council are up to.


Filed under Video Blogging

Knowing when to give up

I’m open to discussing topics with somebody who has a different viewpoint.  Sometimes I even enjoy a full-blooded argument.  I like to think that lots of people are capable of learning and moving beyond their existing mindset.  But some people are just fucked.  Utterly beyond hope of redemption.  I’ve decided it’s important to know when to give up on people.

Witness the asinine display I had to put up with at work today.  The substance of the disagreement isn’t important, what matters is there was a disagreement.  The other party was female, not something I thought was important to the argument but she seemed to find it progressively more and more important.

The argument had reached a stalemate, the discussion was going around and around, showing no signs of moving anywhere near a resolution.  It hadn’t become heated yet but I was detecting a bit of an edge creeping in and decided discretion was the better part of valour.  In short, I didn’t need this sort of shit at work and was going to let it go.  This led to the following exchange:

ME: How about we agree to disagree and leave it at that.

SHE: That is such a typical thing for a man to do!  Trying to shut me up in such a condescending way.

ME: How is that condescending?  I’m respecting the fact you have a different opinion and I’m choosing not to force my opinion on you.

SHE: What you mean is you think I’m wrong.  You think you’re right and I’m wrong.

ME: Well, yeah.  I think my opinion is right.  Isn’t that the definition of an opinion?

SHE: It’s the definition of a typical arrogant male, thinking you’re always right and women are always wrong.

ME: In this particular case I think I, as an individual, am right and you, as an individual, are wrong.  I hadn’t framed that in any gender-specific way.

SHE: Why can’t you admit you’re wrong.

ME: Well, you haven’t convinced me I’m wrong. 

SHE: I bet you don’t think any of your opinions are wrong!

ME: It may surprise you to learn that I hold very few opinions that I think are wrong.  How many of your opinions do you think are wrong?  Why would anybody cling to an opinion that they think is wrong?  That’s crazy!

SHE: So now you’re think I’m crazy?

ME: I didn’t think that before, although I’m getting there now. (OK, I know I shouldn’t have said that but at this point my mental censor had gotten sick of this crap, packed his bags and gone away.)

SHE: Why did I even think I’d be able to get you to see any sense?  Men are always this way.

ME: When were you planning to talk sense?  If I’m going to see any sense you’ll have to show some first.

And then the shrieking started.  If only I’d given up five minutes earlier I would have gone home with my eardrums intact.  Lesson learned.  Pick your battles people.  The way these morons cluster together I’ve started to think their stupidity might be a contagious disease.  So don’t waste your time grappling with morons.

You might catch stupid.


Filed under General Angriness

Sheryl Crow can shut the fuck up any time now

For a while now, I’ve been thinking about writing a series about people who should shut the fuck up.  God knows there are enough people out there who need to have it said to them.  I’m normally one to favour calm, reasoned argument (yes I am, shut up!) but sometimes it would be really cathartic to scream in someone’s face: “Shut the fuck up!”  So that’s what I’m doing.

 The tipping point for starting was Sheryl Crow’s ridiculous and widely derided suggestion that people should be limited to one square of toilet paper when they use the toilet.  Another YouTuber made a video about it and asked me to respond, asking “doesn’t this make you angry?” 

Hell yes it makes me angry.  The idea that from now on any conversation with a global warming skeptic will have to start with five minutes of “No, I’m not saying you should be forced to only use one square of toilet paper,” seriously pisses me off.  I’ve already heard the defence that “it was just a joke,”  and it has no effect on how angry I am.

Guess what Sheryl?  Your music is shit and your jokes are worse.  Saying something that mind-numbingly stupid will haunt environmentalists and conservationists for years to come.  You’ve provided the idiots on the right (and, to be fair, the intelligent people on the right) with bucketloads of ammunition.  You’re officially their new mascot.

The YouTuber I was referring to uses the name JustA11en (I think his real name is Allen).  He is a conservative and a global warming skeptic.  He’s also intelligent and prefers well reasoned argument.  He took Crow’s statements at face value because there was no indication he should take them any other way.  It’s bad enough to give people like him such an easy target but the idiot fringe are out of control. 

Rush Limbaugh is saying “But it was not a joke.  This has been on the wacko environmentalist list of ’50 Things to do to Save the Planet’ since the late eighties” (that’s a quote from his website).  The fact that Limbaugh is spouting such an idiotic lie should not be a surprise (what the fuck is he even talking about? What environmentalist list?) but Crow set the standard for idiotic statements.  Here’s a tip for Sheryl Crow (and for anyone who isn’t a comedian): use irony sparingly.  Far too many people don’t fucking get irony. 

Stephen Colbert can do irony because he has created a finely crafted character.  Anybody who isn’t a complete idiot can basically pick that Colbert is essentially saying the opposite of what he truly believes most of the time.  You’re not Stephen Colbert.  You’re not even Rich Little.

 Just shut the fuck up.


Filed under General Angriness, Video Blogging

April 25th – ANZAC Day

Lest we forget


Filed under Video Blogging

No talking in the toilet – video version

Well, yesterday’s post seemed quite popular and I have to admit, I liked it too.  So much so that I decided to do a video version of it, which I present now for your viewing pleasure. 

Before the video, a quick note about the “truth” of my posts.  I’ve mentioned before that pretty much everything I write is “inspired by a true story” as they say in Hollywood.  Life is so fucked up that I rarely have to fabricate something completely.  I usually change enough specifics of the story to preserve my anonymity.  Sometimes I make changes to make a point more clearly.  And sometimes I make changes to make the story funnier.

In yesterday’s case, the sandwich incident happened pretty much exactly as I related it.  The inappropriate toilet conversation did not actually happen, it was inspired by some incredibly inappropriate toilet conversations I have been subjected to in the past.  I did bump into Mr Big Sandwich in the toilet and I almost made reference to the sandwich when he talked to me.

Luckily for me, my brain was unusually alert and warned me “No, don’t say that!  That would sound very, very bad in this environment.”  So I didn’t say it.  Then the sick part of my brain took over and thought “hey, that’s actually pretty funny.” 

And that’s how blog posts are born.

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Filed under Video Blogging