It isn’t often that my home town makes the news in a major metropolitan newspaper. So what major event can propel this relatively insignificant provincial centre into the limelight you ask? Is it something that will make the sons and daughters of Dubbo proud?
Well… it seems the town is being shat on. A lot. The town is overrun by starlings. These filthy fucking starlings (I’ve always hated the bastards) are shitting on anything that doesn’t move. So drastic action is called for. And in Dubbo, they don’t fuck around when drastic action is called for.
Now, the actions might seem a bit weird, but you can’t say they’re not trying. They tried scaring them away with laser lights and blasting them away with water cannons. I shit you not, they even tried dosing the bird up with hallucinogens. Apparently they idea was to paint trees with hallucinogenic drugs and the starling would absorb the acid throw their claws. The resulting bad trip would supposedly make them leave. Or drop dead.
I think the only result of this plan would be for desperate young locals to wander around town licking trees in the hope of getting lucky. So don’t fuck with Dubbo – we’ll mess you up. Somehow. Here’s a link to the newspaper article that inspired me and here’s the video I made after being so inspired: