It may not be immediately obvious to readers of this blog but I have a slight tendency towards obsessiveness (/sarcasm). It usually helps in my work because my job is essentially to solve problems so an obsessive nature helps when you have to pursue a particularly elusive solution. The trouble is, when I can’t see what the solution is, or a clear path to a solution I have to fight down a rising urge to freak out.
My brain essentially divides itself into two halves: the freaking out part (oh my god! I don’t know what the solution is this very second! I’m a fraud, they’ll fire me for sure!) and the part that’s trying to get me to calm the fuck down and be realistic (you’ll get there in the end, nobody’s saying you have to have a conclusive answer right now, just keep working on it.)
And it’s all made a bit harder by the fact that I’m not particularly driven to do the work. It’s engaging enough so far as work goes and I’m paid quite well so I’m not complaining but it isn’t in my soul if you know what I mean. I don’t bound out of bed every morning bursting with the excitement of another full day of business analysis.
The blogging and video making are far closer to what I actually want to do as opposed to what I need to do to earn money. It provides a good balance (work to earn money, other stuff to have fun and feel fulfilled) but I have been noticing of late that as work gets more stressful, blogging seems waaaaay more appealing. So I get distracted from work which ultimately leads to more stress which makes work less appealing which makes the internet more appealing and all that distraction is but a mouse click away.
Damn you, internet!