A modest proposal

As I was being subjected to the usual cavalcade of idiots on the drive in to work this morning, I came up with a potential solution.  I’m going to be writing up a formal proposal for this idea to submit to the federal government because it will require the creation of a new public holiday.  This holiday will be known as “No Road Rules Day”.

On No Road Rules Day there will, of course, be no road rules.  There will also be no repercussions for any automotive transgressions committed on this day.  Speed all your want.  Cause all the multi-car pile-ups you like.  Ignore traffic lights.  There will be no rules.

There will also be no ambulances.

I’m going to present this proposal as a chance for all the anti-social hoons to get their aggressive tendencies out of their systems but it will actually be an opportunity to see Darwinism in action.  Sensible people will spend the day safely indoors.  Fuckwits will be out in huge numbers being even bigger fuckwits than normal.  Many of them will inevitably die, resulting in a noticeable improvement in the gene pool.

At the end of the day, the wreckage and corpses will be scooped up by specially designed dump trucks.  Normal people will wake to a new day with clean streets.  And on the way to work, everyone will be thinking the same thing:

“Wow, traffic’s way better than usual today.”



Filed under Driving

11 responses to “A modest proposal

  1. They kill themselves anyway- only sometimes they take other sensible people down with them- It’s my Mum’ job to scrape them up off the road so I guess your “no road-rules day” will make her job a little easier.

  2. Salamaat angry,
    It will be a dark blighted day for humanity. Watch murphy in action, and that would be the day you actually HAVE to be on the road….

  3. Yay Mr. Angry! I see you are embracing the Natural Selection theory too! I think that sounds like a fantabulous idea. Even better, I’d love to have you send your proposal to the States as well. Just imagine the spectacle you’d be treated to here in the South with all the “good ol’ boys” in their jacked up pickup trucks with the giant tractor tires, confederate battle flags painted on the hoods, shotgun racks in the rear window, and “I Wish I Was In Dixie” blasting every time they hit the horn.

    Oh wait… we already have that – it’s called a “Monster Truck Ralley” ha..ha..ha…!! 🙂

  4. Rob

    Nice idea, not sure it’d get rid of enough fuckwits though…

    P.S. – I think I’ve worked out why your YouTube video comments are mostly from men – all the women are on your blog. ^^^
    P.P.S – I like your blog better. 🙂

  5. Sir Henry Casingbroke

    Mr Angry,

    I have had a similar idea. I feel that we should have drive drunk day/night.

    To enforce it breath testing stations would be set up with ossifers testing drivers and if you’re under .05, you’re pinged.

    There would be driver-reviver stations manned by volunteers from AHA, Rotary (kind of appropriate) offering shots in little paper cups on trestle tables like they have at marathons, so you could snatch one while slowing down to 10 kays.

    Hey, why not a dope day, or week? Again, the police, to wit, the drug squad, could be utilised in a socially useful way. Say you lost your stash of primo heads. You ring the drug squad, they come with sniffer dogs, turn the place upside down and probably find stuff you’ve given up on long ago.

    There would be a small user-pays charge. Everybody wins. Hey!

  6. you know those alcohol locks they put in cars sometimes. i suggest they would install speaker in them that if alcohol level is above .2 promilles it would scream cyclic tone that varies in 15khz-20khz preferably around 60 desibels 😀 atleast they would learn that drinking and driving is really fucking bad when their ears start to bleed. well if common sence isnt integral in them little pain allways will teach them that.

  7. Enemy Combatant

    Good evening, Mister Angry . Nice to meet you. Like your vids a lot. Your articulate comtempt for the The Rodent and Gloria and proselytizing fundies is joyful to behold. These people are scum. Stay on their case, you toey little cunt. The Rodent once said that the times would suit him. Not any more. This “new medium” suits your talent to a tee. Hope you wreak widespread establishment panic, while simultaneously achieving your therapeutic goals. If Lenny Bruce had access to today’s internet he would have caused some serious up-town grief, by altering the way people think about things. He most certainly would have gotten famous faster.
    So go you good thing.
    Make a few bob doing cyber shtick, and you won’t have to drive to and from work. Sledging the quotidian is fine, but with an independent revenue stream, you’d have more time and anger to direct at bent Players, perhaps, and be free of the Rat Race’s most insidious imperative; commuting. On the other hand, you might lose your edge if you coccoon yourself away from contact with day to day morons.

    On another blogsite I might end with some mousey platitude like, “Just sayin”. But not here, pal. If you don’t like what I write, you can get fucked. Orright?!

  8. Sir Henry Casingbroke

    You’re right, EC, Mr Angry is a great talent and shouldn’t have to bend over for greedy IT contract houses to feed his family.

    I am concerned however about how many of his angry teeth would be pulled if he were to go mainstream. Just look what has happened to that other Angry. He’s become a pussy media “personality”. Absolutely pathetic.

    Apart from the sainted Lenny Bruce, who led the way, there are very very few MSM “stars” who have managed to retain their original integrity.

    Robin Williams comes to mind, but that is because he still does the odd subversive stand up.

    The Chaser is sort of there, but they squib the really hard targets, and they are often not that funny, just juvenile.

    Jon Safran managed it for a short while but kind of burned out, and again, his material often fizzed.

    Is Australia ready for our own Jon Stewart? The problem is that our media is so concentrated, more so than in the US, that there would be tremendous pressure to play dead. And even Stewart has had his run ins with MSM, see excerpt from wiki, below.

    Having said all that, I reckon the future is here, on the web. Web radio will take over from broadcast radio as soon as standalone web radio receivers start being sold for under $50. Which will be in the next couple of years. S/alone web TV for under $200 may take a little longer and I don’t know if Mr Angry can stay angry for that long.

    From wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Stewart

    Stewart attracted media attention as a result of a televised exchange with former CNN personality Tucker Carlson on Crossfire on 15 October 2004. Stewart criticized the state of television journalism and pleaded with the show’s hosts to “stop hurting America,” and referred to both Carlson and co-host Paul Begala as “partisan hacks.” This exchange became one of the most widely viewed Internet videos to date, and a topic of much media discussion.

    During the interview, Stewart asserted that Crossfire had failed in its responsibility to inform and educate viewers about politics as a serious topic. Stewart complained that the show engaged in partisan hackery instead of honest debate, and said that the hosts’ assertion that Crossfire is a debate show is like “saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition.” Carlson responded by saying that Stewart criticizes news organizations for not holding public officials accountable, but when he interviewed John Kerry, Stewart asked a series of softball questions. Stewart responded that the media is in dismal shape if “[it is looking] to Comedy Central for [its] cues on integrity.” When Carlson continued to press Stewart on the Kerry issue, Stewart said, “You’re on CNN! The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls! What is wrong with you?” When Carlson told Stewart he was not as funny in person as he was on his show, Stewart retorted, “You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.” In response to prods from Carlson to “be funny,” Stewart said, “No, I’m not going to be your monkey.”

    The day after the incident occurred, on The Daily Show, Stewart said, “I went to this place, Crossfire, which is a nuanced public debate show named after the stray bullets that strike and kill innocent bystanders during a gang fight. So I go to Crossfire and, let’s face it, I was dehydrated, it’s the Martin Lawrence defense…and I had always in the past mentioned to friends and people I meet on the street that I think that show blows. So I thought it was only the right thing to do to go and say it to them personally on their program…but here’s the thing about confronting someone with that on their show…they’re there…Uncomfortable!…And they were very mad, because apparently, when you invite someone on a show called Crossfire and you express an opinion, they…they don’t care for that…I told them that I thought their show was hurting America and they came back at me pretty good, they said I wasn’t being funny. I then said, ‘I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.’

  9. happychick: my intention exactly, the normal people would be safe inside while the carnage took place.

    Maliha: No, you PLAN to make sure you didn’t go on the road that day… unless you were the sort Darwin was looking for.

    cinnkitty: your natural selection comment actually started this train of thought.

    Rob: The discourse is more civilised here 😉

    Sir Henry: there are without a doubt many variaions of idiot we could encourage to take their own lives, thus noticeably raising the average IQ. Now we just need a politician with the balls to carry it through.

    shadowshian: I like that idea!

    Enemy Combatant: Fuckin’ A, man! I don’t think retiring from work would stop me being angry, I’d just have to walk outside for 10 minutes to get pissed off at people again.

    Sir Henry (again): Thank you for your kind words. Regarding the other folk you mentioned, who was the “other” angry?
    The chaser has moments but I think they’re sociopaths. They don’t empathise with people and they’re frequently unnecessarily cruel to ordinary people. I’m a bit of a Safran fan, he has great moments and has done more consistently good work than most.
    And Stewart is a legend. It cracks me up that Crossfire was cut from the air not long after he took them apart.

  10. Sir Henry Casingbroke

    The other Angry is Gary “Angry” Anderson, the frontman for the band Rose Tattoo.

    I was a manager once of a kiddie rugby league team in which his son was a player. So we’ve had a a few chats in between yelling abuse at the ref and other parents.

    We were talking one day and to make a rhetorical point, I decided to lower my voice confidentially and change tack: “Gary,” I said… but he immediately cut me off, angrily.

    “Don’t call me that,” he said, “I’m Angry”.

    So there you have it. It’s official.

    You are exactly right about The Chasers. Kind of Current Affair with a “humour” angle. And technically, they are slow movers, they telegraph their punches.

    Lachlan Connor, Independent. On Youtube. I think this is an emeging talent.

  11. I’d forgotten about that guy. Deliberately. I like to think I’d shoot myself before I’d turn into him. And if I ever go pro I would NEVER tell anyone to call me Mr Angry.
    The Chaser do some good stuff (some of their stuff is VERY good) but too often they seem mean with no real point. And I’ve also been told by someone in the industry that they make other comedians’ lives difficult. Other comedians are finding they can’t catch a break because people who have been burned by the Chaser crew won’t speak to them.
    And I will check out Lachlan Connor, thansk for the tip.

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