I like to think of my car as a four footed destroyer of stupidity. “Sent to strike down the unroadworthy” to quote a the Night Rider from Mad Max. I have had passengers question why I sound my horn so enthusiastically when some brain dead fuckwit cuts me off (for instance) or runs a give way sign. “Why not just let them go?” passengers often ask.
It’s education as far as I’m concerned. Not calling them to account for their stupidity is the same as rewarding stupidity in my book. Maybe they’ll wake up to themselves and stop doing stupid shit. If I let them get away with it, they’ll keep doing it. I could even be saving their life. I’m very selfless that way.
I bring this up because I had to let one go this morning. I have to drive about 45 minutes out into boodock suburbs for my current job. I’m sure it isn’t my imagination – the further I get out in the suburbs, the drivers get… slower. This normally gives me many opportunities to “educate” them.
But when I start to get close to work I ease off a bit. I don’t want to have conversations with cow-orkers along the lines of “Why was I behind you beeping for 90 seconds screaming GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD YOU FUCKING MORON WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?!?!? That wasn’t at you. That was at… someone else.”
So when some fucking tool backed out of a driveway right in front of me and then blocked two busy lanes while they did a three point turn, I let it go. It was only a few blocks from work and they were pointing in the direction of the office so I figured it wasn’t worth the risk.
Actually I’ve been easing of a bit in general lately. I’m a big believer in Murphy’s Law and seeing as I’m doing job interviews at the moment I don’t want to push my luck. It’s actually a recurring nightmare of mine that I abuse someone on the way to an interview and they turn out to be the interviewer. Talk about starting off on the back foot:
“Just now, when I said you were a fuckwit… I didn’t mean it. Oh, and when I followed it up by saying you were brain dead pond scum who shouldn’t be allowed to breathe, let alone drive… I didn’t mean that either. And the stuff I said about your mother? I meant that. C’mon, be fair, we both know she must have fucked some sort of farm animal to end up with you.”
Hey, if I’ve failed the interview before even starting I want to at least have a bit of fun.
Angry 365 Days a Year 
Hehe. Funny as always. Yeah everyone on the road is a fuckwit. pretty much at least.
Oh I totally agree Mr. Angry. The difference for me is that I’m afraid for my life, not my potential job.
Here, a kindly middle fingered wave could get you stabbed, shot, mugged, raped or generally just mowed down.
That scares the bejeebers out of me!
In the Atlanta news not too long ago — A man was cut off by another driver in a big van. The man layed on his horn, gestured in the appropriate “you fucking mouth-breather” manner and then went on his way. No problem right?
Wrong — the driver of the van followed this guy!
And when the guy pulled into a parking lot, the van stopped behind them. The van driver got out and proceeded to STAB the man in the car. He killed him. Just like that. And in the car to witness this murder – this guys wife and 4 year old daughter.
Soooo…the Van driver did wrong, the car driver got mad, and the van driver killed the car driver.
Yeah…I keep my hands off the horn around here.
People are fucking nuts!
Bad drivers are the reason I take zoloft. Oh, and drink copious amounts.
My fiance has exactly the same argument for honking at Californians…it’s all about the social contract. It is our duty to remind others when they are slipping. She also happens to prefer getting flipped off in response, because at least then they are acknowledging that they know the bell tolls for them, which is incredibly difficult for these most oblivious and most incompetent of our nation’s drivers.
Funny blog on driving in New Jersey here:
http://stankleberry.blogspot.com
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smilingchaos: I’m with you!
cinkitty: wise words! There have been a few road rage murders here too.
QofD: I can imagine anything going wrong on the road after taking zoloft and alcohol.
saxon: that’s a positive approach to the situation!
The real secret is to be an offensive driver (not defensive like they teach in school.) Sure in my younger days, I was pretty brutal (actually extended my hand with middle finger up inside the rolled down window of the other drivers car.) But from what I learned, the trick is to shame these idiots, make them realize what they did wrong. A flip off just pisses them off. So now you have a shitty driver that’s even more of an idiot. The horn, the finger, they might seem alright. But I feel the best thing is (and yeah, it’s easy for me, my firebird formula can cover ground real quick) is to get alongside the idiot, make eye contact, shake your head in disgust, fake a little disbelief in how stupid they could be (because I’ve seen so much stupidity), then put the right foot down and get on with my life. And I understand the risks, I live in the south side of Chicago.
You haven’t driven in Asia… I have noticed that driving a car in Taiwan is pretty bad, on congested roads, when the scooters scoot by through all lanes…
I think of you as the ‘Cartman’ of the blog world. Very angry and kind of pointless, but entertaining none-the-less. But Hey I watch ‘South Park’ and read your blogs so what does that say about me?
Frank: You sound like you know the risks you’re taking, good luck with that.
range: I’m not crazy enough to even think about driving in asia 😉
Ed: Angry and pointless, that me. Entertaining is a bonus.
People ask me the same sorts of questions when I use my horn.
And flip the bird at idiot drivers.
It’s like… Christ.
I’m going 60+ in a 55 zone, and apparently it’s not fast enough for some fuckwad drivers.
I’ve been pulled over once for speeding, I’ll be damned if I get pulled over again…
And apparently, one is a hotshot and looks more cool if they can speed in front of my parents’ old 1993 Lincoln town car that has a freaking cylander out.
How do stupid people get driver’s liscences anyway?
I have to apologize for my first comment on your ‘insults’ post. I admit I am one of those ‘ants’ that gets stirred up sometimes. maybe you could erase the comment please or something. Sorry!
I agree with Frank and have learned to control my anger and try like hell to get into view before I start the look of disgust followed by a very anitmated head shake. LOL I find it to work pretty good. The only thing I have noticed is in the small town I live in what makes me most angry is the running of yellow to red lights on a left turn and then find myself in the same situation. I do try to make a quick judgement call before going through and for the most part Im pretty good at stopping before Im in the way of the on coming traffic.
You sound a bit arrogant to me. Why is another driver an idiot just because they back out of their driveway and hold you up? I doubt they give a damn about holding you up, after all the road is for all to share – not just to give you a nice smooth ride to work. If it annoys you so much – catch the train. You’re a bogan!