Best Swearing Quotes Ever

“Life is a four letter word” – Lenny Bruce

Even Lenny Bruce, the master of profanity, knew how to be subtle. But sometimes subtlety simply doesn’t cut it…

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Quality swearing compiled for you at


Filed under General Angriness

48 responses to “Best Swearing Quotes Ever

  1. GUI Junkie

    A t-shirt in NYC: ‘Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck’

  2. How about Undead “I’ll finish you off quicker than a fucking birthday cake at a fucking fat chicks fucking party!” Say it in your best strine accent – this character sure swore a lot.

  3. I still like the conversation:
    Cartman: “How would you like to suck my balls… Mr Garrison?”
    Mr Garrison: “What did you say!!?”
    Cartman: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… what i said was” “how would you like to suck my balls?”

    The title should have been “best fucking quotes ever” though.

    Anyway… wasn’t Cartman’s quote: “What’s the big fucking deal bitch? It doesn’t hurt anyone…” Or was that from some other part of the film. I did watch the film last week, so I have an excuse for this trivia being stuck in my head.

  4. E0157H7

    I’d forgotten how good at angry, loud cursing Al Pachino is.
    “Fuck everybody.”
    -baseball cap

    • alligatie

      Now that you mention it, I gotta confess. .. I’ve read half of the quotes above in Al Pachino voice.

  5. Is this gonna Kill You? No i Dont Think so !

  6. “Post Trauma means you survived…quit whining.”-Shig Takada

  7. Nice list.

    Many years ago, when I was at school and I was a rebellious youngster, I decided it would be a good idea to write exactly what I thought of one of our disliked teachers on my desk.

    “Mr Rumney smells like a drop of sweat off of a baboons ball”

    I got caught too. I’m pretty sure I got away with it purely because Mr Rumney was desperately trying not to laugh whist he was reprimanding me.

  8. These quotes using the fuck-word were all excellent. My favorite noun is “fucktard.” It just sums up certain people so nicely.

  9. Vladimir

    “Just because you are whatever the fuck you are does not make you whatever the fuck you think you are.” (“Hurlyburly”)

  10. Rose

    I’m a squealing fangirl for the Big Lebowski, so by quoting it you have officially made my day.

    From Network (for which I am also a squealing fangirl):
    “I just plain ran out of bullshit.”–Howard Beale.

  11. Definitely some great quotes. I have some from here in the states, too…though they don’t involve ACTUAL swearing. XD

    I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers.
    Author: William S. Gilbert
    Source: H.M.S. Pinafore

    I’ve tried to reduce profanity but I reduced so much profanity when writing the book that I’m afraid not much could come out. Perhaps we will have to consider it simply as a profane book and hope that the next book will be less profane or perhaps more sacred.
    Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961) American Writer.

    When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
    Mark Twain

    Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”
    Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

    Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
    Mark Twain

    “What a lie it is to call this a free country, where none but the unworthy and undeserving may swear.”
    Mark Twain

    “If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there.”
    Mark Twain

    “In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.”
    Mark Twain

    You can’t run an army without profanity
    George Patton

  12. Apeeeeey biaatccch


  13. If you fuckin hear me then know that im fuckin swearing too-My own

  14. Just ran across this whilst contemplating writing my own blog on cursing…after wiped the laugh tears from my eyes, and running (quickly) to the bathroom, I decided that I couldn’t improve upon it…so bollocks to you because now I have to find another arse-wipe topic!

  15. chris

    ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

  16. anna

    “they say the good die young, so i’m a bad mother fucker”

  17. MOM


  18. I have got one:

    Man: Up Fuck The Shut

  19. dan

    you’re all crazy shit for brains!

    • aakash

      ya maybe ur rite…we all are carzy shit…bt tell me tht who ths hell is u???…if u dnt knw it…thn fuck u…dnt judge us..

  20. Eradion Dwayne

    fuck the govt. How do you fckn expect me to pay you taxes yet i dnt get sufficient services in my daily life. Stupid hoes is what you are provin to be. Bitch

  21. Kansan

    Oh what the hell, here goes…shut the fuck up – you motherfuckin, cocksuckin, ass hole lickin, son of a bitch!

  22. ken

    what the motherfuckin hell goin on stooges! suck on dick u sweaty cunts !

  23. aakash

    i was such a try to find out sumthing in me…nw i get it tht…jst life is the fucking game of starting with the F words…no one will support one will ordurs us…go to hell u all…dnt try to findout wat is inside of ur asshole…try to find out wat is happing all over…

  24. Joker

    Shut the fuck up you bloody cum bubble on a dead dirty donkeys Dick – Joker

  25. Lil Loca

    Is yo fuckin’ momma showin’ yo nasty ass how two effin’ write fucka’s!! ? Haha niqka suck my dick! Niqka lick yo momma’s pussy clean xD lmfaoo bitch ass hoe! Yo niqka dnt know a fucking, fuck-fuck-fuck fucketing fuck about my niqka pussy 😀

  26. esther

    you cunts have to stop fucking swearing

  27. SWebb

    I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer.
    – from ‘The Last Detail’ where every line was a classic

  28. When someone insults u.. Think before u react.. It takes 72 muscles to get angry. 14 to smile but only 4 muscles to take ur middle finger up n say fuck off yall motherfuckers.

  29. Should sum up everything, “FUCK IT”

  30. NiKhiL

    hahaa English is a very nice and soft language to abuse in.If you want variety, try HINDI! ma ke bhossads!!

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  32. The devil’s cock needs some wetty hoes lips, you available?

  33. Kay-g

    B*tch lick my fat hairy balls.

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  35. a guy came to me one day and gave me a letter … he was so cute and hot i thought the letter he gaved me was a love letter then when i opened it .. it said ! Go Suck yar dads dick !! the next day i saw him i let him eat the letter he gaved me then kick his fucking balls !! that’ll teach em how to fuck with meh ….

  36. kondwelani

    this shit iz dope

  37. Faye

    I feel more respect is needed in our world. Cuss words & swearing at other humans should not happen.

  38. I think a good general bark off makes you feel better like ” Fuck off everyone your all a bunch of useless Cunts hope your next shit comes out your mouth ” I feel a little O.K now , would sound better with some effects like cannons going off or a amplified farts in the background perhaps finishing off with a big chunderous honking belch………..

  39. Thank you for your personal splendid submitting! I really appreciated reading the idea, you’re a fantastic writer.

  40. Anonymous

    Want to hear the best swearing. Miserable wretch insignificant speck of feculant scum

    Best ever

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