I was doing a bit of online research today for work (in the brief moment when I got sick of looking for porn) and I saw a banner ad that I thought was funny. Proudly atop the home page for a corporate IT news site was an ad for “Securing network infrastructure for dummies”. Now I know the “for dummies” books are a massive worldwide success and I’m just jealous that I’m not making millions telling people they’re stupid (I’m stuck doing it for fun rather than wealth). But seriously, who buys these books?
And, more importantly, what do they do with them after they buy them?
I suspect any professional (or aspiring professional) who buys these books hides them better than they do their porn. Imagine seeing “Securing network infrastructure for dummies” on the desk of someone actually responsible for securing a network. How secure would you feel?
I started imagining what would be the most disturbing “for dummies” to see in someone’s possession. Then I thought, why make stuff up? Go right to the source! Early front runners for most disturbing were “Cosmetic surgery for dummies” and “Forensics for dummies“. Then I thought, you’re hardly going to cheer someone up by giving them “Depression for dummies” or “Grieving for dummies“. And I wasn’t a fan of “Living longer for dummies” or “Sex for dummies“. I want them to die quickly without procreating.
But then an evil plot started to form in my mind. Working in IT, a common complaint is that management don’t actually understand technology. The footsoldiers of IT are frequently resentful about having to answer to people who don’t have a clue about what’s actually required to get the work done. So how much fun would it be to conduct interviews for programmers while surrounded by “for dummies” books.
And I’m not talking about one or two. I’m talking about filling bookcases with ’em. Put them behind you when you’re interviewing so the interviewee is constantly distracted by their garish yellow and black spines. Have all the titles related to the technology field you work in and watch a look of terror slowly spread across the interviewee’s face as they realise the horror they would be facing if they worked for you.
Along with all the titles about programming languages and hardware, throw in some frighteningly basic ones like “The internet for dummies”. And really throw them for a curve by throwing in some left-field titles they won’t miss, like “Breastfeeding for dummies” and “The historical Jesus for dummies“. I think that interview would give you a good indication of how the candidate copes with unexpected situations.
Angry 365 Days a Year 
Sex For Dummies, abridged version:
Use redundant birth control.
Damn, i thought you wrote an article about messing with people’s heads.
Oh, I hear you on the technology side.
I worked in Healthcare IT support for a number of years. Trying to tell hospital admins why I’m billing their hospital for fixing their system because the nurse in charge of a $3M computer fucked it up was always a fun call.
The one good thing about the company, is that we never skimped on purchasing O’Reilly books for our techs. I’ve been out of the IT world for 6 years, but I’ll never get rid of my books. I’m thinking about digging out my VI book just for fun.
If somebody ever writes “Fire-bombing your place of work and getting away with it for dummies”, consider my order made with Amazon.
Ahahaha! I’ve had similar thoughts about these books myself. Genius idea you have there, imagine all the fun we could have with that! Hmmm…seriously evil but hysterical none the less =)
The only thing scarier than fiction is fact. Cosmetic surgery for dummies…. My god. Did they miss all the important ones like mouth breathing for dummies or perhaps suicide for dummies. If that’s too harsh perhaps something more enviromentally friendly like stupidity for dummies with some helpful chapters on how to stop being a waste of O2; suicide, lobotomy, thinking, etc.
Use redundant birth control too…
“Using somebody else’s name to leave an anonymous message for dummies,” might sell a few copies, I suppose. Anyway, who’d want to mess with something that was already chaotic?
Matt
E0157H7: Birth control for dummies – just say no!
Simon: I did 😉
Qiranger: I wonder if the people who write quality books have to be put on suicide watch because of the success of “dummies” books?
Custador: that sounds more like a blog topic
Zany: it is quite a source of fun
Fuzzball: the only thing stranger than fiction is fact!
Matt: I think the dummies have worked that one out