My nakedness is covered by shirts

There are times when a man looks at is wardrobe and asks himself: “Do I have enough novelty t-shirts?”

And before you ask, I honestly don’t know.  Sometimes these things just come out of my head.

Marriage is totally gay

With all the furore being stirred up by gay marriage being made legal in California, I gotta say I really don’t get what all the fuss is about.  I will never get the literalists obsessing over their one man one woman thing.  It’s simply stupid.

This mentality says some manipulative gold digger who marries for money is blessed by god but two same sex people who love each other aren’t.  A marriage between two heterosexuals filled with spite, affairs and cruelty is blessed but a marriage between two monogomous gay people who love each other isn’t?

Wake the fuck up, people!  Britney Spears did more damage to the “sanctity” of marriage than any gay person ever could.

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Sarcasm is a vital evolutionary survival skill

How happy was I when I found an article saying that sarcasm is a favourable evolutionary trait.  Science comes through for me again!  It isn’t my fault if anyone was ever upset by me being sarcastic to them.  Their problem is they aren’t evolved enough!

My brain won’t behave

I’m having a lot of trouble settiling on things to write for this blog.  It isn’t for a lack of ideas, rather the opposite.  There is an overwhelming mountain of things consuming my focus at the moment.  Some of them are:

The RIAA seems to be getting desperate.  They are going after radio stations exactly the same way they go after file sharers on the internet.  And the radio stations are using exactly the same defence that file sharers on the internet use.  It’s kinda funny and kinda weird and kinda interesting and, I strongly suspect, kinda important.

Why are so many white people so freaked out by Michelle Obama?  Why do they not see the positivity of her “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I’m really proud of my country”  statement?  And how can they possibly delude themselves into thinking black people shouldn’t be angry at whitey?

What role will the US media play in debunking/reinforcing the lies being spread about Barack Obama?  Fox News have shown their hand clearly, sinking lower even than I thought possible by calling the fist pound between the Obamas a terrorist fist jab.  Will any mainstream media actually spend time saying this Muslim stuff is all bullshit?

Speaking of Fox News, exactly what do you have to do to be able to face the world when you’ve become that sort of scum?  I’m thinking something like massive doses of heroin injected straight into the eye so they never have to see their reflection clearly during the day.

Will anyone ultimately be swayed by the “elitist” bullshit being spread about Obama?  How do rich white people get away with saying that shit?  They’re pushing a doubly nonsenical line of bullshit.  The first bit of stupidity is suggesting an even richer white guy from a long line of rich white guys is somehow less elitist.  The second is the implication that you should want some dumb motherfucker running the country.  Do you want the smartest, most insightful, most thoughtful person running the country or do you want your preferred drinking buddy running things?  Wait, don’t answer that.  The response might depress me.

Who will Obama and McCain choose as vice-presidental running mates?  This is more important than in any other election because neither of them will survive a term in office.  Obama will get whacked by some crazy if he gets elected and McCain is too old and unwell – the stresses of office would definitely kill him.  So whoever gets VP is a lock to sit in the big chair at some point.

You may notice a slight obsession with the US Presidential elections in my points above.  This is because beyond the usual no other political process has such a huge effect on the whole world thing, I find this race fascinating for what it represents.  The choice could hardly be starker.  I would have been far less interested if Clinton had won the nomination, that would have just been the Republican machine versus the Democratic machine.  But Obama represents the possibility of something truly different.

I understand why change frightens some people.  The astonishing thing is the level of change represented by Obama would have been literally unthinkable, say, five years ago (as brilliantly illustrated by this cartoon).  Everyone always thinks the moment they are living in is the most important moment in history.  But, damn this seems like a tipping point.

Spornography – it’s porn for Spore

Leave it to computer game geeks to jump straight to making porn with a new game.

Here’s a link to someone who spent a bit of time cataloging sporn.
http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/?p=1947
Fun, isn’t it?

In it a reason to celebrate the ingenuity of humans or is it a reason to despair of humanity? I don’t know – I’ll leave that to the philosophers. Al I know is I’m not surprised to learn people are making porn in this game.

It seems obvious this game will have red light districts. I find it hard to imagine that the creators will be able to police it. There will be simulated kiddie porn, simulated bestiality and every other sexual perversion you can imagine. Welcome to your future, humanity!

What is the point of denying climate change?

I’m beyond caring about people who insist on denying that there is any problem with climate change/global warming.  Anyone who can continue talking shit in the face of so much science simply isn’t worth bothering about.  Although I do still have fun taunting them.

I honestly have no interest in engaging or debating deniers because in my experience they simply don’t listen.  For anyone who’s interested you can follow this link to get quite comprehensive refutations of every piece of drivel deniers like to spew forth.  Not that presenting them with the truth will change anything.

Oh, and seeing as everyone’s piling on Al Gore again, here’s a link that provides a bit of perspective and sanity in contrast to most of the shit being said about him.

Ghost Office – a short film by Mr Angry

This is what I do when I’m bored on my lunch hour. I shot and edited this entirely on my mobile phone, a Nokia N95. I re-uploaded this because of some problems with sound synching.

To state the obvious, the only part of this that is true is that I found some empty office space that I thought looked kind of weird. I had the basic idea in mind for a while (since I first discovered the empty office) but I hadn’t actually scripted anything. Essentially I walked from room to room and came up with ideas based on what I found.

I shot this in about 10 minutes and it took about 20 minutes to edit on the phone. It isn’t intended to be great art or particularly original (it borrows heavily from Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield).  I’ve played around with doing more film-like stuff before.  I think I like it.

I may do some more.

Wrong number fun

So the Angry Phone rings a little while ago (+61424 05 68 65 for those who want to try it) and the following conversation takes place:

ME: Hello?

CALLER: Shamir? (or something similar)

M: No, this isn’t Shamir.

C: Shamir?

M: No, you’ve called the wrong number.  This isn’t Shamir.

C: Oh… (mutter, mutter) Wrong number… (mutter, mutter – eventually they hang up.)

Disappointment set in for me at this point.  I’ve had some really enjoyable conversations with people that were previously unknown to me on the angry phone.  Actually, the most common scenario that plays out is silence on the other end.  I have found out from a few people that they never expected me to actually answer.  I don’t always but if I have the phone on and it’s convenient I’ll answer.

When I get the silent responses I usually make a couple of attempts to get the person to talk, saying things like “It’s really me, not voice mail.  It’s OK, you’re allowed to talk – that’s why I gave the number out.”  Then they hang up without saying anything.  It seems I’m too scary for some people to talk to, which I don’t understand.  Maybe I’m not the best judge.

Anyway, my disappointment was short lived because I got another call a minute later:

CALLER: Shamir?

ME: No, you clearly have the wrong number for Shamir.  This isn’t his phone.

C: Mutter, mutter, mutter (eventually they hang up again.)

Then, after a much smaller gap, the phone rings again.  I didn’t make a note of the caller’s number before but the number showing up on caller ID looks suspiciously familiar.

ME: Hello?

CALLER: Shamir?

M: Why is it so hard for you to accept you have the wrong number for Shamir?

C: (It sounds like they’re having a conversation with someone next to them, I can make out a few words.) Shamir… wrong number… you call… (Then they talk directly to me again) Is Shamir?

M: It isn’t Shamir and it’s never going to be Shamir no matter how many times you call! (after a little silence they hang up.)

I thought maybe this might finally send them on their way but about 30 seconds later they called again.

ME: Hello?

CALLER: Shamir?

M: Yes this is Shamir.

C: (after a pause) Speak to Shamir?

M: This is Shamir speaking now.  What do you want?

C: Who is this? (they sound dubious)

M: This is Shamir.  Why don’t you believe me?  You didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t Shamir, now you don’t believe me when I say I am Shamir.  Make up your mind!

C: Is Shamir there?

M: OK, you got me, I’m not Shamir but he is here.  He refuses to talk to you because he says he hates you.  He also says he’s going to punch you in the face next time he sees you.  Now piss off and stop calling this bloody number!

They haven’t called back since.

GROSS!!! The wisom (teeth) of Mr Angry

I like to share.  I just had to have two wisdom teeth out so of course my first thought was to share the experience via video.  I wasn’t in much of a mood to set gear up so I decided to experiment with my new phone which has quite a decent camera.  Oh, and seriously, don’t watch this while eating.  Consider yourself duly warned about the grossness factor.

It’s about 36 hours later now and I’m feeling surprisingly good.  Not that I’d ever be averse to seeking sympathy but you don’t have to worry too much about me.

Toilet horror

You know what I haven’t done in a while? Have a good old fashioned rant about how gross it is to share the toilet with people at work. That’s what I’m doing today because of these two horror stories.

First up, one that’s about as gross and unforgiveable as they come. I just went in to avail myself of the facilities and was greeted in a cubicle by a scattering of used toilet paper. And I’m talking bearing horrid orangey-brown stains used. Motherfucker! What sort of fucking animals am I working with?

Now don’t get me wrong, I know sometimes accidents happen. Paper goes astray. But pick it up for fuck’s sake! Some of it had fallen a little behind the seat so maybe a really stupid person could have missed it. But some of it was between the seat and the fucking door! The filthy bastard would have had to step over it to leave the cubicle!

What was he thinking? That it was too gross to pick up? Hey, it’s your shit, sunshine! How fucking gross do you think it is to other people? Animals! I’m working with fucking animals!

The second one is just weird and disconcerting. I took pictures to show how weird. Also because I’m kind of fond of the camera on my new phone. Don’t worry, the photos are safe for work viewing and not particularly stomach-churning. The first photo is obvious enough. This is a toilet cubicle. But what is that little thing towards the top of the picture? The thing I have marked with an arrow for your convenience?

Allow me to zoom in and reveal the horror to you.

That, my friends, is a tube of moisturiser. In a toilet cubicle. There’s only one reason I can think of for someone having a tube of moisturiser in a toilet cubicle. And I don’t want to think about it. Some freak in the office spends so much time jacking it that he keeps a tube of lube handy.

I swear, I am never shaking hands with anybody in this fucking place again.