Toilet horror

You know what I haven’t done in a while? Have a good old fashioned rant about how gross it is to share the toilet with people at work. That’s what I’m doing today because of these two horror stories.

First up, one that’s about as gross and unforgiveable as they come. I just went in to avail myself of the facilities and was greeted in a cubicle by a scattering of used toilet paper. And I’m talking bearing horrid orangey-brown stains used. Motherfucker! What sort of fucking animals am I working with?

Now don’t get me wrong, I know sometimes accidents happen. Paper goes astray. But pick it up for fuck’s sake! Some of it had fallen a little behind the seat so maybe a really stupid person could have missed it. But some of it was between the seat and the fucking door! The filthy bastard would have had to step over it to leave the cubicle!

What was he thinking? That it was too gross to pick up? Hey, it’s your shit, sunshine! How fucking gross do you think it is to other people? Animals! I’m working with fucking animals!

The second one is just weird and disconcerting. I took pictures to show how weird. Also because I’m kind of fond of the camera on my new phone. Don’t worry, the photos are safe for work viewing and not particularly stomach-churning. The first photo is obvious enough. This is a toilet cubicle. But what is that little thing towards the top of the picture? The thing I have marked with an arrow for your convenience?

toilet

Allow me to zoom in and reveal the horror to you.

moisturiser

That, my friends, is a tube of moisturiser. In a toilet cubicle. There’s only one reason I can think of for someone having a tube of moisturiser in a toilet cubicle. And I don’t want to think about it. Some freak in the office spends so much time jacking it that he keeps a tube of lube handy.

I swear, I am never shaking hands with anybody in this fucking place again.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Toilet horror

  1. LOL. Get an indellible marker pen, and write “Rampant Rhino Cream,” on the tube!

    Matt

  2. Hang on a minute…. you were in the loo taking photos… goodness me, do you do that often?

    Its all the rage now not to flush, that’s all well and good if the water is a bit yellow (you know, save 11 litres of good clean drinking water), but I have no desire to get splashed…. and I hate having to look at other peoples shit… that’s just gross. Several emails about this practice in my work place has got the loo flushing again.

  3. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. That was great.

    Is it wrong for me to get such a source of amusement from your situation… if it is, I don’t want to be right.

  4. Toilets are so funny, and potentially horrifying.. such a great subject, thanks for that :)

  5. simon

    Add to all that the number of people that do not wash their hands after using it

  6. Zany Maiden

    Argh! OMFG…that’s wrong…..I hate when people do that…no NOT people..you’re right..ANIMALS I TELL YOU!!

  7. Vladimir

    Try changing the content of the tube to some glue or paint…

  8. E0157H7

    I say that you replace the tube of lotion with a tube of real sex lube and a note that says “Don’t half-ass it, man.”

  9. This Devil's Workday

    Don’t replace it with real sex lube, replace it with glue!!!

  10. DOA

    “Don’t replace it with real sex lube, replace it with glue!!!”
    Or paint. Or itching powder. Then keep an eye out. This could prove a very entertaining diversion from work.

  11. Nice to see Mr Angry making an appearance. Oh and probably don’t mention it to anyone at work… you know it probably belongs to your boss.

  12. ‘Its all the rage now not to flush, that’s all well and good if the water is a bit yellow (you know, save 11 litres of good clean drinking water)’

    I think I’m gonna be ILL!! WAIT – maybe we can get rich teach ‘toilet etiquette 101′!!

  13. Really fucking revolting.

    Now, I’m intruiged by the placement ABOVE the toilet. From a practical perspective, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t stash it in his pocket each time he wants to go and have a wank. Maybe if he does that, he hasn’t got room in the pocket for his video ipod loaded with his toilet pr0ns.

    But even without thinking that somebody might fucking take pictures and blog about it, it would seem to me that the guy would be worried that someone would just take it! Or dust it for fingerprints!

    As long as it wasn’t the unthinkable – that he FORGOT it there, because that’s where it was resting as he stood on the toilet seat facing the wall…

  14. Matt: Sounds like a fun brand!

    Bruce: I only take photos when it’s absolutely necessary! ;)

    Qiranger: I’d be disappointed if it didn’t amuse you!

    Michelle: There’s a reason toilet humour never goes out of style!

    Simon: Exactly why I’m not shaking hands with anyone.

    Zany: Absolute animals!

    E0157H7: Possibly literally.

    Devil: Sick idea. I like it.

    DOA: Itching powder is a bit more subtle.

    Goatsoup: If my boss reads this or watches YouTube I’m gone.

    Sandra: I heard a rhyme – “If it’s brown flush it down, if it’s yellow let it mellow.”

    Blognigger: All those things are possibilities but I REALLY don’t want to spend too much time thinking about it.

  15. wisdumb

    “Hey, it’s your shit, sunshine!”

    That should be a world motto!

  16. It certainly has wide application.

  17. solipsist435

    that’s really f’ing funny! but i wouldn’t be so hard on (get it) the guy for j’ing off. I mean, isn’t that what you’re doing with these videos? (oops)

  18. There is a world of differenc between metaphorical masturbation in the privacy of one’s blog and actual mastrubation in the workplace.

  19. SWEng(er)

    So I realize that this comment is a year and a few months removed, but I couldn’t help but chime in (I just started reading this blog and love it BTW).

    I could publish a 200 page book filled with toilet horror stories. Like the one about the guy that was down to his socks trying to clean the entire stall with toilet paper and toilet water. Or the guy who must of had an asshole on his lower back or could just never sit down in time.

    Even more interesting is the general subject of social behavior in the restroom (which includes toilet horror).

    Like that guy who feels obligated to give a weather report at the urinal, as if he was asked.

    Or that guy who really likes surprises and always ignores the free and always stocked toilet seat covers.

    And seriously dude, if the toilet just flushed and your coming out while I am on my way in, don’t bother turning around to wash your hands like you forgot that you just took a shit.

    I could go on and on, but I guess as long as there will be public restrooms there will always be people that just make it a horrible experience for the rest of us.

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