Inflammatory, who – me?
That’sa actually a strictly factual description of the imortant news story covered in this video.
A totally true story!
I thought YouTube were censoring this at first because of the title but I guess something must have just gone wrong with the first upload. I bet a few people will be surprised to hear of the existence of a “Nigger” Brown stand and Coon cheese in every supermarket.
That heading ought to get the Sarah Palin freak squad all wound up. Relax, you uptight dickheads! I’m talking about a pig that actually matters today – Bruce the giant pig.
I swear this story is true. There are even pictures!
I am often asked how I decide what to write and/or do videos on. Well the thought process is a complex one. It is executed with mathematical precision. With that in mind, I present the Angry Venn Diagram:
angry venn diagram
I do like to offend people but I have to offend them just right!
I’ve decided I need to be more even-handed when looking at the US Presidential Election. With that in mind, John McCain needs some help. And I’m just the man to give him the advice he so desperately needs.
Never let it be said that I don’t help people out when I get the chance.
I’ve been doing my old trick of using blog posts as scripts for YouTube videos. So these might seem familiar but I hope you enjoy them. This one is me taking this piss out of a job advertisement (thanks to the readers whose lines I used/adapted):
And this one is me going off about angry disabled people. This really seemed to touch of some seething resentment against disabled people among YouTube commenters as well.
Having a run-in with an angry disabled person is a weird experience. If an able-bodied person gets up in my face over something it’s rare that I won’t lash out straight back at them. But with a disable person, that feels kind of… wrong. Even for me. A couple of examples:
I was going through a doorway at a shopping mall when two guys were walking out at the same time. It was a fairly wide doorway so I didn’t see much problem. You know how when you’re passing someone you do that thing where you turn slightly to the side pulling your shoulder out of the way so there’s more room for each of you? Well I did that as I passed and everything would have been fine if the other guy had done the same thing.
Except he didn’t. So we smacked shoulders fairly hard. And he had the nerve to go off at me and start swearing when he was the one who made no effort to get out of the way. So I turned and was about to tear into him when I realised why he was so pissed off. It turns out he’s blind. The second guy was guiding him by holding his elbow so the blind dud didn’t have to use a cane or a dog to get around. He was wearing dark glasses but I figure we was a wanker who wore his sunglasses inside.
With the help of his friend the blind guy was able to walk confidently and quickly. Which was the whole problem. He was so confident I had no idea he was blind. So it was all his fault for not being more obviously disabled. He should have been more blind.
Another case: there’s a guy in a motorised wheelchair in my neighbourhood and he has a very bad attitude. He also seems to have supercharged his wheelchair because I’ve never seen one as fast as his. He also drives it on the road a lot – I’m guessing that’s because he wouldn’t be able to open it up full throttle on the footpath. Plus he gets to vent his frustration at the world.
Again, I’m guessing that’s his motivation. He’s pissed off at his life and is more or less daring the cars to end it. He’s faster than pedestrians but slower than cars and he’s also hard to see when you’re driving and he’s zipping in and out all over the place so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say he’s at least passively suicidal.
At first I thought he was a jerk. Then I thought about it and realised that given the lot life has dealt him, being pissed off at everyone and everything is a reasonable response. I know if I ended up in a wheelchair I’d be the angriest motherfucker around. I’d run over people’s toes and if they complained I’d back over their foot just to make a point.
“HEY! What are you complaining about? I’m in a fucking wheelchair here! You could drive a fucking truck over my feet and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing! Count yourself lucky that it hurts when I run over you. Now leave me a lone you working-leg-having motherfucker!”
Looking through job ads sometimes depresses me because of the way they commonly spout mumbo-jumbo jargon as if it actually means something. It leaves me wanting to grab the next recruiter who uses the phrase “leverage core competencies” and leverage their core competencies straight down their fucking throat.
But sometimes the job ads make me laugh. Usually because I have a very juvenile sense of humour. Case in point: today I saw an ad for a Process Improvement Specialist in a government department. This caught my eye for a few reasons. First, it’s the type of work I do. Second, it was a one year contract with the government that sounded like a complete boondoggle. Hide away in some massive bureaucracy and charge massive consultant fees for a year. Payday!
But most importantly, the acronym for the job title was PIS. Did I mention the part about me being juvenile? I wondered if I’d be able to resist saying in a job interview that the job sounded like a piece of piss?
But if I was going to interview, I’d need to come up with the right jargon. Government departments love their jargon. I considered saying that I thought the role of the Process Improvement Specialist would be to Facilitate the Adoption of Revolutionary Thinking in the department. But they probably spend all their time PIS-FARTing around already and don’t need my help for that.
I also cogitated that the PIS might promote Widespread Enterprise Application Knowledge. But that sounded a bit PIS-WEAK. I’m sure somebody can help me with some other ideas.