Taking the PIS

Looking through job ads sometimes depresses me because of the way they commonly spout mumbo-jumbo jargon as if it actually means something.  It leaves me wanting to grab the next recruiter who uses the phrase “leverage core competencies” and leverage their core competencies straight down their fucking throat.

But sometimes the job ads make me laugh.  Usually because I have a very juvenile sense of humour.  Case in point: today I saw an ad for a Process Improvement Specialist in a government department.  This caught my eye for a few reasons.  First, it’s the type of work I do.  Second, it was a one year contract with the government  that sounded like a complete boondoggle.  Hide away in some massive bureaucracy and charge massive consultant fees for a year.  Payday!

But most importantly, the acronym for the job title was PIS.  Did I mention the part about me being juvenile?  I wondered if I’d be able to resist saying in a job interview that the job sounded like a piece of piss?

But if I was going to interview, I’d need to come up with the right jargon.  Government departments love their jargon.  I considered saying that I thought the role of the Process Improvement Specialist would be to Facilitate the Adoption of Revolutionary Thinking in the department.  But they probably spend all their time PIS-FARTing around already and don’t need my help for that.

I also cogitated that the PIS might promote Widespread Enterprise Application Knowledge.  But that sounded a bit PIS-WEAK.  I’m sure somebody can help me with some other ideas.

14 Comments

Filed under Work

14 responses to “Taking the PIS

  1. I believe the fundamental requirement, underpinning, nurturing and supporting a successful PIS, should be a level of blue-sky intellectual input that gives rise to Powerful Online Original Research.

    Matt

  2. dismutased

    God I love jargon!

    It’s amazing how well one can do with little knowledge of a role if the right jargon is mastered.

    Have you read Don Watson’s Weasel Words? An excellent read. Coincidently I’ve been thinking of writing about jargon lately, but you pipped me to the blog post!

  3. custador

    Ah, the joys of facilitating an inter-connected solution through enabling and leverage of core values and behaviours in bespoke environments for intelligence led, resource planning outcomes…. Yes, I’m a civil servant!

  4. That single s is bugging me. Could you not be the the Process Improvement Systems Specialist please? They must have made a mistake.

  5. very interesting
    thanx

  6. Dan

    (Cue Beavis & Butthead voice):

    “Huh…Huh, huh; he said PIS.”

  7. Matt: PIS-POOR is definitely going into the mix

    Dismutased: Weasel Words is an excellent book! Having worked as a political speech writer, Don Watson had much experience first-hand with weasel words.

    Custador: It isn’t like the private sector is any better. Sometimes their jargon is worse.

    Rachel; I shall definitely put that proposal to them, then the job will really be a piece of PISS

    Dan: We clearly have similar senses of humour

  8. bC

    before Christ walked this earth there was a bigger cock than thee and he walked the rainbow of unfettered dreams and sucked the almighty stream

  9. Vladimir

    > Have you read Don Watson’s Weasel Words?

    Is that the full name of the book? I looked at Amazon, and there is a book by Don Watson “Death Sentences: How Cliches, Weasel Words, And Management-speak Are Strangling Public Language”, and another one is just “Weasel Words”, but the author is Philip Howard.

    I’m asking because, being a proven successful problem solver and effective communicator, I’d like to utilize that book to leverage my core competencies (or lack thereof)…

  10. gruntski

    Not even remotely related (well it is really, but not very closely… kinda like a second cousin)… I have a mate who used to live in Adelaide, and in Adelaide, the main train station is located under one of the CBD streets… And he wants to open a cafe there, calle “Cafe Under North Terrace”. I’d invest…

  11. AA wrote:
    “Matt: PIS-POOR is definitely going into the mix”

    Cheers, mate. It’s an old joke, but in order to pep an otherwise boring meeting, we used to agree on a bizarre word, or phrase, that we could insert, at some point, as naturally as possible, obviously. So, you’re going into a compliance meeting, or a meeting with clients, and you try to insert the word “giraffe,” for example, or “Hornby trainset”.

    Now, if you’re going to interview for that job, I challenge you to use the term “Powerful Online Original Research,” at some point!!!!!

    Matt

  12. For the avoidance of any and all possible doubt, I should point out that the objective is to use the term completely naturally, in regular conversation, and then to not collapse on the floor, convulsed with laughter!

    Matt

  13. Aislinn

    How about using your position as Process Improvement Systems Specialist to start a program of
    Widespread Application of Revolutionary Motivation?

  14. Matt: that’s the difficult part!

    Aislinn: ahhh the WARM PISS initiative!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s