Angels and Demons = Horseshit and Bollocks

I was just at the movies and noticed a poster for the forthcoming sequel to The DaVinci Code, Angel and Demons.  A more accurate title would be Horseshit and Bollocks.  I’ve never bothered to read any of Dan Brown’s books or watched the previous movie.  The list of books I want to read before that is too long and life is too short.   For that reason I won’t pass judgement on his writing – there’s plenty of other people doing that.  Whether his writing is good or bad is immaterial to why his books and more specifically the hype around them pisses me off.

Bad fiction I can deal with.  But when a hack writer uses the hype of “this is inspired by the truth” to sell books I feel like getting out the angry hammer and looking for skulls to crack.  Particularly annoying is how it appeals to conspiracy theory whackjobs.  And in case anyone is unclear on how I feel about those brain dead, self-important conspiracy-spouting shit-weasels who’d rather jack off to their insane fantasies of how they are the only ones clever enough to see through vast conspiracies that “the sheeple” are duped by… well, I think they’re just super.

I really want to reiterate that this isn’t about the quality (or lack thereof) of Dan Brown’s writing.  I don’t look down on people who read and enjoy his books.  Lots of intelligent people I know fall into this category. I simply choose not to do so myself.  It’s the fucked up “wooo isn’t it spooky that all these secrets exist” bullshit that I can’t tolerate.  If the choice is between reading nothing and reading Dan Brown then definitely read Dan Brown.  Even ingesting the verbal diarrhoea that Oprah recommends is better than simply watching Oprah.

That goes for Twilight too.  It’s really trendy to say the Twilight books are shit and they only appeal to dippy little girls and Mormons.  They are still fucking books!  Reading is a good thing!  You know what I started out reading? Comic books.  And how many idiotic adults think they are trash that should be banned?  I’m not even talking about deep and meaningful “graphic novels” – I’m talking trashy, pulpy comic books.  Then I graduated to reading Doctor Who novelisations. 

If any adult had tried to rip these from my grasp and force me to read “real books” that would have been the last thing I ever read.  But because I was reading what I wanted, I enjoyed reading and slowly progressed to more challenging books.  These days I even occasionally commit literature.  Why do people not get this and insist on telling those who read things they don’t approve of to stop that right now!   They’ll stop all right.  And never pick up a book again.

So yeah, if Dan Brown would lay off his “it’s true!” schtick I’d be less inclined to want to bash his brains out with a cricket bat.  Even if he is a shitty writer.

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11 Comments

Filed under General Angriness

11 responses to “Angels and Demons = Horseshit and Bollocks

  1. i think the same, tho i probably wouldn’t be able to write it as aggressively as you

    kudos

  2. Well, I’m not a massive fan of conspiracy theories, but I came across the name “MK-ULTRA,” and “Operation Midnight Climax” in my research of GSK’s laughable attempts to cover its arse over the Seroxat (Aropax, in Oz), scandal. MK-ULTRA, actually concerns Eli (Lilley), rather than GSK, but I was “reading around the subject,” as they say.

    Bruce Levine wrote a good piece on it, but there’s bags of declassified (by Clinton), CIA documents on the web, now, and even those that weren’t destroyed (most were), and have found there way into the public domain make quite horrific reading… The use of unwitting civilian subjects to test the effect of LSD administration (supplied by Eli), some of whom died; the collusion of regular law enforcement (police), academics and quack doctors in covering up any adverse events, that kind of thing.

    I tell you what, even if you’ll only believe the evidence of your own eyes, this particular incident in the CIA’s sordid past ought to be enough to tell you that all is not well.

    Matt

  3. Dan Brown ripped off Umberto Eco’s Foucault Pendulum. Now that’s literature.

    Twilight? Wouldn’t touch it with a stick.

  4. susu

    I agree on the whole general idea of claiming that you wrote something based on a “true” idea when that “true” isn’t true. lols
    -thinkfastboom93 (youtube)/ pressmeetsimmortal(wp)

  5. Pokksey

    Most people who see or read Dan Brown material are intrigued by the reality angle, but only in a fickle way. Not many are really hoodwinked by its conspiracy postulations but merely go along for the ride with a grain of salt. This suspension of belief with a twist just gives Brown a competitive advantage in a saturated marketplace.

    I understand you being annoyed with this marketing trick. But sometimes we are willing participants doing a dance with our captor in the name of entertainment.

    So, as much as I can’t stand hype, (and in this case disingenuous hype) I can’t say that it’s really that harmful. The stupid carry on being stupid by believing everything they see, the intelligent exercise judgement, and the whackjobs do what they do best.

  6. So what’s the secret about? I thought they solved the mystery of the world in the first one? I think.. I mean in the movie anyway.. not that I paid that much attention to it.. nevermind.

  7. dirtymicrobe

    Working in a childrens bookstore has little lightning strikes of God-awful depressing. Seeing an enormous stack of Stephanie Meyer books and realizing that there’s ten cubic feet of them because they sell like crazy is sobering to say the least. Being told that easily half of those books are bought by adults is even worse. I guess it beats working at an adult bookstore and realizing that grown people that are allowed to drive are buying the sequel to The DaVinci Code though. Children, after all, can still be saved.

  8. matt from the water place

    I read the first DB book, personally I was underwhelmed by the whole thing.

    If you have made a secret society to make sure nobody learns the secret, then wouldn’t the best thing to do be to forget the secret, don’t tell anybody and let it die with you. Better than keeping a special club going for hundreds of years that does nothing but not tell anybody.

    As for the reading part, I started with Asterix and Tintin, worked my way through popular stuff, then onto the’classics’ like Dickens and Orwell. If I was forced to read them I would have hated them for ever. Progress toward them, find them and then appreciate them. These popular books are just a step.

  9. matt from the water place wrote:
    “…Progress toward them, find them and then appreciate them…”

    I think that’s right… I was never a great reader, as a kid, but in my early 20s, partly because I had nothing better to do with my spare time, and partly because I thought that everybody read such books, I started to pick up copies of classic literature (Doumas, Hugot, Dickens, Dostoevsky, de Balzac, etc, etc), which I would read with a dictionary by my side. I wasn’t illiterate, by any stretch of the imagination, but the language is really quite ornate, sometimes, and some of the words were not words that would be used in spoken language.

    Anyway, when one is starving for a bit of mental stimulation, a book is a feast. They’re not classics for nothing, and the authors just seem to think in a way that’s accessible, and yet requires one to think “outside the box,” to use a wanky piece of management-speak.

    Matt

  10. I read some of Dan Brown’s books as well. I didn’t like them that much, but they were not so bad. Off course, now almost every book coming out must revolve around the vatican, illuminati, secret agents or something else of that nature to appeal to the public. It’s somewhat of a fad.

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