I’ve had a few discourses on the topic of haters and negative behaviour in the past but until reading this recent guest post on BoingBoing I’d never considered that by labelling someone else a hater I’m effectively labelling myself “the hated”. I found that a little jarring (which I don’t think was the author’s intent) because it’s such a negative and (to me) submissive word.
What I liked about the post is that he was giving people who might feel alone and victimised a lifeline. You’re not alone. You’re not at fault. You’re not powerless. Here are some ways to deal with haters. It inspired me to do the following video:
When I’ve dealt with the topic I’ve always tried to do it as a show of support for other people who find themselves on the receiving end of abuse. Attacking haters can be fun but it’s ultimately pointless. This is simply because there is not point to hater behaviour no matter how much they talk themselves up. They are weak, pathetic people with nothing of value to offer so they seek to tear others down.
A friend of mine once described the situation as the world being made up of two types of people: mountain climbers and ditch diggers. When mountain climbers see someone above them thy start climbing in order to reach the same heights. When ditch diggers see someone above them they start digging a hole with the hope that the other person will fall into it.
So my philosophy is: don’t let haters get to you. Their attacks on you are nothing more than their admission you are better than them. You’re better and they have no hope of ever equalling you so they want to drag you down. Ignore them and they’ll fester away in the dark hole they’ve created for themselves.
And just to round off, here’s a link to Ricky Gervais’ blog:
Angry 365 Days a Year 
I think the problem for a lot of people, when they’re attacked, is this: they haven’t acquired the tools that will allow them to deal with the sort of personal, anonymous shit that gets fired at them, sometimes.
Your position on YouTube is a little different, perhaps, because the subscribers who choose to attack you are identifiable, if only by their Unames. Speaking on behalf of bloggers (myself included), who have received anonymous attacks (including death threats, on occasion), I have to say there seems to be a real issue in how to deal with an attacker when one is unable to “get a fix on them,” in some sense – one cannot strike back, because one knows nothing about them, and so one is left defending oneself, and if the attacker finds a trigger (ie, something that one finds hurtful), then they’ll work it, because that’s what they do; they’re offloading their stuff, as far as I can establish, and they’re very skillful at it, if you like that sort of thing. And they’re skillful at it, because they’re practised at it.
This business of anonymous attacks is well known to be capable of instilling fear – how many movies have you seen where a person receives silent/threatening phone calls from an unidentified person? The idea that we are being watched by a silent, anonymous figure, who won’t reveal what their objective is (and why), can be quite threatening, because most people don’t have the tools to deal with that, as I wrote before. Most of us assume that the objective is malign, and become fearful, which, in all likelihood, was the objective, and for once in his/her life the attacker feels in control of the situation, because that’s how (s)he understands the world: Control (whereupon one may do what one wishes), or Controlled (whereupon one is subject to any and all grotesque behaviour that may be meted out).
The solution for the person attacked should be according to what they see fit, as you pointed out. It’s not really possible to be objective about this sort of thing, because different people will have different argumentative skills that may not allow them to engage the attacker at his/her own game. I know from my own experience (and I think you’ve said something similar), that a person who attacks one, online, very rarely has any clear idea as to why they’re doing what they’re doing, although they will manage to dig up some justification (usually involving colourful metaphors, or other unquantified insults). I’ll tell you what they’re doing, though, in a nutshell: they’re explaining how they’ve been treated (as we all are), although they’d never be able to admit that.
In the absence of a clear goal, I recommend that the person attacked should set the objective, and for best effect, make it something utterly benign (like “love,” or something equally fluffy, and apparently useless, in context); you don’t even have to state it – just have it in mind. You’d be surprised how fast you’ll reach that objective, even in the face of the vilest attack – the human mind works *very* quickly, and even the most apparently unpleasant people respond. Remember: they’re only repeating what’s been said to them, more or less.
Matt
Oops – I’ve just read that back, and it turned into a bit of a ramble. Anyway, I’ve just had some pretty low level stuff, on my blog, and this is how I dealt with it:
http://itsquiteanexperience.blogspot.com/2009/02/especially-for-smelly-cunt-cat-and-any.html
Hopefully, it will provide a bit of inspiration to anybody in a similar position.
Matt
This video kind of reminds me of a hater post I did on my blog site back in September. I’ve had some dealings with haters myself but they don’t usually last very long on my channel. Anyway, here’s the link to the post if you’re interested.
http://blackcatloner.blogspot.com/2008/09/haters.html
It’s hard to understand the ditch diggers while climbing in ignorant bliss… I love the analogy.
Vеll, not perfeсt pоst, but I likеd it and thаt is the mаin thing. 😉
I am Voli Dublino
Haters are a significant problem with the internet and it’s getting worse.
Not sure the problem is getting worse (although you’re not the first I’ve seen suggest it) but it sure isn’t getting better.
Youtube is always full of haters AA its like life dude
can’t get on with everyone brother!!
take the good with the bad ,,the more you attack haters the more they will attack you bro think about it ,
unless you like the attention let them be son
i will let you know who iam soon i have clues on my channel and when the times right i will only unveil to you my brother i have chosen you, we will do a video together for the special occasion ok mate
your very luck Andrew
God bless you with the blood of jesus.
I don’t care who you are. You’re a boring, talentless lying bigot who attacks people who actually dare to do anything original. Why the fuck would I care about anybody as pathetic as you?
Wow if only I had know about this a few years ago, It would have helped…. a lot for some of the shit I had to deal with.