It seems summer is early in Australia. The southern states are getting a heatwave at the start of November – something we don’t usually see until January. And the sharks are active.
Shark patrols have started early because the shark attacks have already started. A spear fisherman from Adelaide is currently recovering in hospital from injuries he sustained in a shark attack. You might say he was lucky his injuries weren’t worse. You’d be wrong.
Luck had nothing to do with it.
You see, when 25 year old Dean Brougham was attacked by a shark, he didn’t rely on luck to escape. He punched the motherfucker until it let him go. That’s right, in Australia, that’s how we roll. We punch sharks. Little kids are taught it at school. Right after finger painting we do shark punching.
We don’t have surfers in Australia either, that’s just what we tell the rest of the world so the tourists aren’t scared off. Mark Occilupo, Layne Beachley, Mick Fanning… they aren’t world champion surfers. They are world champion shark punchers. They’re only out in the surf to punch sharks. They end up surfing because the waves get in the way.
Speaking of shark attacks, check out this photo of a 3 metre long (10 foot) shark caught off Queensland.
Now a 3m shark would be scary enough but LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING BITES TAKEN OUT OF THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHARK! From the size of the bites, another shark around double the size of this one has nearly ripped it in half! So that’s a real shark about the size of the fictional shark in the movie “Jaws”. And it’s fucking with us.
There’s some 6m shark off the coast of Queensland thinking, “You know, before I start chomping on swimmers, I think I will freak them right the fuck out by sending them a little message…”
THAT is the sort of wildlife we have to deal with in Australia. The only thing saving us from being ripped in half by massive Great White killer sharks is BIGGER Great Whites that rip them in half first.
Lucky we’re a nation of shark punchers.