Shark punching for fun and profit

It seems summer is early in Australia. The southern states are getting a heatwave at the start of November – something we don’t usually see until January. And the sharks are active.

Shark patrols have started early because the shark attacks have already started. A spear fisherman from Adelaide is currently recovering in hospital from injuries he sustained in a shark attack. You might say he was lucky his injuries weren’t worse. You’d be wrong.

Luck had nothing to do with it.

You see, when 25 year old Dean Brougham was attacked by a shark, he didn’t rely on luck to escape. He punched the motherfucker until it let him go. That’s right, in Australia, that’s how we roll. We punch sharks. Little kids are taught it at school. Right after finger painting we do shark punching.

We don’t have surfers in Australia either, that’s just what we tell the rest of the world so the tourists aren’t scared off. Mark Occilupo, Layne Beachley, Mick Fanning… they aren’t world champion surfers. They are world champion shark punchers.  They’re only out in the surf to punch sharks. They end up surfing because the waves get in the way.

Speaking of shark attacks, check out this photo of a 3 metre long (10 foot) shark caught off Queensland.

 

Shark Bite

Now a 3m shark would be scary enough but LOOK AT THE MOTHERFUCKING BITES TAKEN OUT OF THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHARK! From the size of the bites, another shark around double the size of this one has nearly ripped it in half! So that’s a real shark about the size of the fictional shark in the movie “Jaws”. And it’s fucking with us.

There’s some 6m shark off the coast of Queensland thinking, “You know, before I start chomping on swimmers, I think I will freak them right the fuck out by sending them a little message…”

THAT is the sort of wildlife we have to deal with in Australia. The only thing saving us from being ripped in half by massive Great White killer sharks is BIGGER Great Whites that rip them in half first.

Lucky we’re a nation of shark punchers.

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4 Comments

Filed under General Angriness

4 responses to “Shark punching for fun and profit

  1. I blame Global Warming, Obama, Illegal Aliens and Al Qaeda for all of this. *Sarcastic tone*

  2. it’s not called wildlife for nothing! having said that, lovebites that big are disconcerting…

  3. Shhh Angry, you’ll scare away the yanks! Just do go mentioning the Drop Bears and how the pee on you then jump, using the scent of the pee for targeting, and attack! But if you do happen to mention them, remember to warn people if they are walking through an Australian park and feel anything drop on their head.. RUN!

    Anyway, it’s a nice hot day and I’m off to go Shark Punching!

    All the best Angry!

    *Hangs Sign*
    Gone Punchin’

  4. Dylan

    This is the coolest thing I’ve ever read.

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