My message to YouTube commenters

I feel very lucky at the level of support I’ve gotten over the years on YouTube. Maybe lucky isn’t the right word as I’ve worked hard to produce quality videos rather than relying on luck but I honestly couldn’t have imagined how much support I’d get before I started. The single most common reply I’ve given to comments over the years is “Thank you for your support” or some variation of this.

The second most common response I’ve wanted to give is “How can you not see what a cunt you’re being?” 

There seriously is a decent chunk of the online population who make comments while seemingly being completely oblivious to the fact they are being utter fuckwits. I’m not even talking about haters – they know what they’re doing. They launch their mindless attack with the express goal of provoking a negative reaction:

“DURRR HURRR, I iz dur troll wot keeps fings real! I make the person who does things sad to try and hide the pain of being nothing but a broken little child. DURRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

I mean people who think they are saying something productive. They actually believe their drivel has value. They expect gratitude. There simply do not understand what clueless, self-indugent, entitled, tiny-minded utter shit stains they are being.

With me, the comment usually manifests something along the lines of “You are doing a different thing. I only want you to do one thing. Only one thing is funny. Stop doing the thing that is different to the thing that I want you to do.”

I gave up gently pointing out “LOOK AT THE OTHER FUCKING COMMENTS YOU STUPID FUCKING MORON! OTHER PEOPLE LIKE WHAT I’M DOING! THEY’D BE UNHAPPY IF I DID THE OPPOSITE!!! I CAN’T POSSIBLY ACCOMMODATE EVERYONE’S WHIMS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!”

I gave up because it didn’t work. Maybe I was too subtle.

There’s also the little fact that *I* have to enjoy what I do or I’ll simply stop doing it. 

So seriously, dumb fuck YouTube commenters: stop this shit. Or I swear I’ll hit you in the face with a fucking hammer.

 

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Time to do things

Things that I can do:
Come up with funny ideas.
Rant angrily on almost any topic.
Skewer hypocrisy.
Reveal truths.

What I can do with these skills:
Write blog posts.
Invent t-shirts.
Make videos.
Perform live.
Write songs.
Make comics/graphics.

Why am I not doing this things more?
Laziness.
Lack of motivation.
Distractions.
Lack of time.
Lack of faith in myself.

Things I can do to fix this:
Write to-do lists.
Set timetables.
Just fucking do it!

There is no god

Every now and then I have a theological insight. Today it’s conclusive evidence there is no god. I’m as surprised as anyone that it came in the middle of a 30 Rock marathon. In one of the episodes they had a mock product that was a cross between pajamas and overalls called Pajama-Alls. As in a spoof of Snuggies and their hideous brethren.

Except those things are impossible to satirise.

A little while later there was another ad for a product that was a cross between pajamas and jeans. Pajama Jeans. Except this was in a commercial break. It was for real. A. Real. Fucking. Product.

WHAT SORT OF GOD WOULD ALLOW THINGS LIKE THIS TO EXIST?

All right, if you’re the type who gets upset at people challenging your concept of a supreme deity let’s just say Pajama Jeans are proof the devil exists. 

6 Years on YouTube

If you went back in time 6 years and told me what would happen on (and because of) YouTube over the next 6 years, I wouldn’t have believed you. I wouldn’t have believed I had the creativity or determination to produce of 1600 videos in that timeframe (across a number of channels). I wouldn’t have believed I’d meet so many amazing people here in Melbourne and around the world.

To be honest I would have had trouble believing that I’d attract much of an audience. So far my videos have been watched more than 43 million times. I still have trouble believing that. This is where it all started:

I don’t have an end point in mind. I’d like to be an angry senior citizen, providing videos for decades to come. And embarrassing my grandchildren. I spent the actual anniversary day hanging out with YouTubers – the perfect way to celebrate.