Great moments in stupid

I’d long wondered how ridiculous things could with global warming deniers generally and idiots like Andrew Bolt specifically. This week showed that the answer is “fucking”. They can get fucking stupid.

This week, Bolt was shocked and appalled that the ABC hosted a panel of scientists who all agree that climate change is not just real but probably one of the most serious issues facing humanity. Bolt’s response was to let us all know, in his own words, he was an idiot.

 

Thanks mate, we already knew. In his fevered paranoia, the concept of acknowledging that 97% of climate scientist agree on climate change is crazy. Listening to people who are actually qualified to assess the evidence is being blinded by credentials.

Fortunately, Andrew knows scientists! Personally! They aren’t climate scientists BUT THEY DO THE SCIENCE! And they agree with him that it’s all rubbish. Wrap your head around that if you can. This self-proclaimed idiot says listening to experts in a field is crazy because that’s just credentials but his blatant lies should be listened to because he has a scientist who agrees! So moments after belittling the credentials of literally millions of scientists, he says the credentials of his singular scientist (who is credentialed in the WRONG field) should hold sway.

I’m sure Andrew is happy to have his dentistry done by a podiatrist as well. They’re both doctors after all. And are you seriously trying to tell me feet and teeth aren’t both part of the human body? How could someone who specialises in feet possibly be unqualified to make judgements on teeth? You’re being blinded by credentials. This is the cognitive dissonance climate change deniers must deal with every day – asserting that an easily provable lie is actually the truth. It must hurt.

The latest assessment by scientists qualified in the field of climate science is there is less than 1 chance in 100,000 that global average temperatures over the last 60 years would have been as high without human-caused greenhouse gas emissions. However, despite the near-unanimous scientific consensus solidly supported by evidence that humans are causing climate change, Bolt’s worldview is that this is nothing but empty credentials. But if you can find a single individual who discounts this science and all of the evidence that supports it, that is “facts”. I hope you feel better now.

Another stunning entry into the annals of stupid came from the Courier Mail this week. All of the Murdoch rags decided to run disgustingly adoring front page pieces on Scott Morrison and his vile policy against asylum seekers. This act alone was an abomination (but normal for the scum tabloids) but The Mail elevated it to the profoundly clueless by photoshopping Morrison into George Bush’s place when he stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier with a “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” banner behind him. Here is the danger of slavishly parroting propaganda: you start to believe it and forget that you are actually propagating lies and you forget when your previous propaganda has been conclusively proven wrong.

When Bush stood in front of that banner, 139 US troops had been killed. More than 4,000 would die after he stood there. Nobody cares about the brown people but somewhere north of 500,000 Iraqis would die after this mission was “accomplished”. This image of Bush has come to be directly associated with failure and the hubris of ideologically driven fools who declare success only to create unspeakable horror afterwards. And the clowns at the Mail are apparently unaware of this.

On its own, the image would have been disgusting, like the one used by the Daily Telegraph in Sydney. But they have magically managed to meld the utterly repulsive with the truly stupid. Trying to drag Australia down past the gutters and into the sewers? Mission accomplished!

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Quokkas are unfair to white men

There are a lot of problems in the world but thankfully, a men’s Rights Activist has alerted me to the worst problem of all: quokkas being unfair to straight white men. This is a quokka.

Do you see the way it smiles? That’s because it’s so glad it’s destroying the privilege of white men.

This came to light after Palmer United Party senator Jacqui Lambie suggested 3% of senate seats should be reserved for indigenous Australians so they can be assured of proportional representation in the lawmaking process. It turns out quokkas are behind this and I find the idea of these smug marsupials controlling our legislative bodies to be totally unacceptable.

A particularly insightful letter to the editor in a Murdoch paper pointed out if you followed this nefarious quokka plan to its logical conclusion you’d have to acknowledge that considering about half the population are women, about half the people representing the population should be women as well. That sounds all well and good but no quokka is going to tell me what to do.

To quote from the letter… oh, wait. He meant quotas. Quotas are unfair. I got confused between quotas and quokkas. I thought he was concerned about oversized grinning rats but he is literally saying that if white men were only represented proportionally in public life rather than utterly dominating it and actively excluding anybody who isn’t white and male like they have for centuries that would be wrong. Hmmmmm.

My quokka argument makes more sense.

The mathematics of trolls

There are many reasons I prefer to block/delete moron commenters rather than “engage” with them. I put engage in quotation marks because although it’s what these trolls often say they want, what they actually want is to bludgeon anyone with an opposing point of view into silence. And before any low-rent moron jumps in thinking they’re being clever by saying that’s what I’m doing – no it isn’t. I’m perfectly happy with these losers having free speech. Somewhere else. Where they aren’t wasting my time.

Also, if that’s what you leapt to, go fuck yourself. You think saying things like that is clever or insightful? I’ve seen your shtick before and you’re boring. And a waste of time.

And that’s the key point about these vermin. It isn’t so much that they’re trolls or bullies, they’re boring and an utter waste of time. Worse still, I’ve learned that the ones with the least to offer make the most noise and demand more of the time and attention of people who are actually doing something. If we lived in a world where even the bitterest hater would simply spit out their insulting comment then go away, I’d probably let them do it. But unfortunately, we live in a world where Bertrand Russell famously observed that idiots are full of certainty and wiser people are full of doubt.

I’ve decided the simplest way to show how worthless these losers are is with a mathematical equation, namely:

v = 1/n

Where v is the value these losers offer to a given conversation and n is the amount of useless noise they make demanding you pay attention to them. For the slow learners (i.e. the people I’m talking about) this means the volume of your incessant blathering is inversely proportional to the amount of attention you’re actually worth. The more you bleat, the less I give a shit about you.

And a final note to the trolls stupid enough to say “if you don’t care, why are you going on about it?” This isn’t for you. You’re not worth addressing. This is for people who genuinely want an understanding of my motivations. By the way, do you trolls see how I know what you’re going to say before you say it? That’s because you’re boring and predictable. And I’m better than you. You notice how you’re reading my blog but I’m not reading yours? That’s because you have nothing to offer.

Brief “your mileage may vary” disclaimer: I’m not dictating how anyone else should react to comments from haters and trolls. This is what works for me. If a different approach works for you, then you go with that.

Palmer United Party – good thing or bad thing?

Clive Palmer appears to have surprised some people by doing exactly what he intended to do all along. I’m more than a little confused by people who express any sort of surprise or disappointment in Palmer United Party getting rid of the carbon price and/or the mining tax. Personally I think these actions are both mistakes but they were pretty much core promises from PUP in the lead up to the last federal election. If they hadn’t gone through with them that would have been a pretty major broken election promise.

Palmer’s decision to mess around with Abbott for shits and giggles has been funny to see but it was never anything more than a sideshow. On those major policy points PUP was always going to give the LNP coalition what they wanted. Palmer just decided to bend Abbott over, repeatedly thwack his arse and make him say “Thank you sir, may I have another?” each time. And if this government is going to destroy the lives and futures of the majority of the country, we at least deserve some entertainment to go with it.

Clive’s a “character”. Which is to say that virtually everything he says and does publicly is scripted as opposed to being the real him. Some of his PUP cohorts however, seem far more interesting. Jacqui Lambie is someone I’d like an opportunity to talk to and see how open she is to exploring issues. She seems to fancy herself as “down to earth” and I have no reason to suspect she’s anything but the ordinary person she projects. I feel inclined to defend her a bit when people call her a bogan because (a) I grew up in the country and (b) I’m more than a little disturbed when people who consider themselves progressive use classist insults.

It’s perfectly possible Lambie is a horrible regressive bigoted person and I wouldn’t like her. I don’t know her so I have no idea what she is really like. While her discussing her preference for big dicks on a radio station was less than edifying, I don’t think that episode means something should be done to change her behaviour. I’d much prefer it if something was done about the absolute dreck pumped out by commercial radio stations. The most interesting thing to me about her is she’s recently been speaking out about Palmer acting like an idiot.

When Palmer was supposed to tip a bucket of water over Lambie on a TV show called The Project (as part of the ubiquitous Ice Bucket Challenge) he saw a second bucket and apparently thought they were going to spring a surprise on him and challenge him to have the same done to him. He took exception to this and stormed off and has honestly looked a complete tool whenever he has been asked to explain his reaction. Lambie’s simple response of “Welcome to my world” seems rather telling.

More than once Lambie has publicly said she wishes Palmer would be less of a clown which seems like quite a promising sign. She essentially relied on Palmer’s profile and bankroll to get elected but doesn’t seem bothered about speaking out and criticising his poor behaviour when she thinks it’s warranted. It’s far too early to see what sort of lasting impact (if any) PUP will have on Australian politics. But they seem to not like Abbott and take some delight in torturing him and that’s enough for now.