Colleen McCullough dies, Tony Abbott politically dead, “raw milk” drinkers hopefully dead soon

I rarely watch my own videos back. This time I kind of had to in order to be able to write a description. I may have had a few drinks – enough that I didn’t have a really clear memory of what I said.

This video covers Tony Abbott making a fool of himself (again) by awarding a knighthood to Prince Philip (even Andrew Bolt thinks it’s idiotic), the appalling obituary for Colleen McCullough published by Murdoch rag The Australian which essentially led by calling her fat and ugly, some idiocy from Murdoch’s Fox network and some real idiots who thinks pasteurisation of milk is bad despite their “raw milk” causing kids to be hospitalised and even dying.

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Tony Abbott’s days are numbered

I have to admit that I am having the most extreme case of schadenfreude imaginable as Tony Abbott implodes. I’m too drunk to go into much depth with this but to see someone who represents everything I despise go down in a screaming heap with nobody to blame but himself – well, it’s just delicious.

He has nobody undermining him. Gillard had to deal with Rudd being a total piece of shit from day one. Bot Abbott has nobody screwing him over – everything he’s done has been unforced errors.

I fucking love it!

Religious nut hell-bent on bringing about the end of days

You don’t have to know much about me to know I think climate change deniers are utter fuckwits. Science-denying, politically-motivated lying morons. I gave up even attempting to engage with these idiots years ago – it’s an utterly wasted effort. A mild example of their stupidity is this effort from Fox:

What global warming? Glad you asked, Fox. The fucking global warming that’s fucking happening fucking everywhere. “Winter” does not negate the science that proves climate change. I could try to explain the difference between climate and weather. Or I could just say fuck the fuck off you fucking fucks.

This is what passes for logic with these fools “it’s cold here at this very moment therefore climate change isn’t real.” I assume they also assert there is no hunger in the world while gorging on a huge meal and say there is no poverty while rolling around naked in piles of their Murdoch cash.

Seriously, those are things i assume they do.

It’s bad enough when media outlets vomit these lies. It’s worse when politicians do it. It’s far worse when politicians who have control over policy do it. Like US Republican senator James Inhofe who decreed that “Man can’t change climate.” Apparently only his magic friend who lives in the clouds can do that. Fuck science, he’s got an imaginary friend who’s really powerful. Oh, and he chairs the senate’s Environment and Public Works Committee.

We are so fucked.

Hey, why not lighten the mood with this classic from 2008:

All female Ghostbusters

Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon will be the stars of a remake/reboot of Ghostbusters. The fact that someone would dare to make a major film with all female leads was enough to make a whole bunch of fuckwits lose their mind. I don’t blame people who are sick of lame retreads / remakes / reboots / sequels but the morons who acted like they were justified in being seriously angry about an all female cast (while ignoring the approximately 90%of films with male leads) are some pretty shitty excuses for human beings.

I refuse to believe satire is dead

I remember after the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre on September 11th, the second stupidest response was a whole range of conservative pundits saying irony/satire was dead. The stupidest response was obviously to invade a country that had nothing to do with the attacks, waste trillions of dollars and kill about a million people. But they thought satire had been killed. We all had to be sincere now. These idiot showed a complete lack of understanding of the purpose of satire (often used to make an unbearable situation bearable). And human nature (at the darkest times, people want to laugh the most).

Plus, they were fuckwits.

These days, I occasionally think satire might have been killed by my primary targets being so fucking stupid they become almost impossible to satirise. The current Australian government has given me new material every single week of their existence and made it absurd easy to satirise their stupidity and evil. But Tony Abbott has pushed things so far that some, including First Dog On The Moon (who can be seen regularly in The Guardian), have speculated he’s now impossible to satirise.

I’m still going to give it a red hot go. And in case you haven’t noticed, so is First Dog.

And in case you thought Tony Abbott was the only one trying to push the boundaries of stupidity to the point where it feels impossible to satirise them, ladies and gentlemen, I present for you Bill O’Reilly of Fox News:

No further comment required

If self awareness was a flame, Bill O’Reilly could stand in a lake of petrol in complete safety. Assuming I could resist the urge to hold him under until he drowned.

Straya Day tribute to Pauline Hanson

My special friend Daz, the most ‘Strayan bloke I know, Made a special video to pay tribute to Pauline Hanson’s contribution to Straya Day!

Straya Day

It’s Australia Day tomorrow and I’m probably going to spend most of the day at home indoors because that minimises my chance of seeing something that truly disgusts me. I really don’t get people who who demand absolute conformity from others on events like this. “Love it or leave it!” How about I’m pretty happy with the country as a place to live but I fucking hate you and everything you represent? My feelings about Australia are not tied up with the existence or hideous worldview of racist fuckwits.

And why do the idiots who bleat that anyone pointing out their censorship is “censoring” their “free speech” fly into a rage at anyone who dares to state a view that departs from their bigoted jingoistic bullshit. I honestly have trouble understanding how someone can be so fucking stupid as to say two such contradictory things so close to each other. “You’re not allowed to stop me denigrating aborigines but you’re also not allowed to say anything that even slightly criticises their flag waving fuckwittery.

So yeah, celebrate or not. Do what suits you. Just try not to be an arsehole about it. Or at least stay the fuck away from me.

Kyle Sandilands and the Faecal Mishap

Given that Kyle Sandilands is a strong contender for the worst person in Australia, any story that involves him and shit lends itself to some pretty obvious lines. Even with someone as repulsive as Sandilands I don’t like to gloat if they’re sick but when he decided to tell the world he was so sick over christmas that he shit the bed it’s something… special, Well, it’s something.

To be honest it moves it truly extreme territory when he felt it necessary to share that it looked like mashed pumpkin. And in case you’re upset that I’ve inflicted this on you I just didn’t want to suffer alone. The day people spread this around on Twitter (yes, now you’re thinking about Kyle Sandilands spreading his mashed pumpkin-looking shit around) I was pretty traumatised for the whole day.

And it’s still one of the least offensive things to come out of Kyle Sandilands.

Footnote
“Faecal Mishap and the Mashed Pumpkins” – awesome new band name.
“Kyle Sandilands and the Christmas Faecal Mishap” – worst kids book ever.

TFU Friday – all Queensland edition

Shit’s getting really weird in Queensland

Alan Jones – Greenie

Australian politics took a truly bizarre turn this week when the Murdoch-owned tabloid The Courier-Mail decided to out right-wing shock jock (and friend of Murdoch) as a rabid greenie. This is the equivalent of Rush Limbaugh being called an environmentalist. The article is so surreal it’s one of those moments that make you feels like parody is no longer possible.

Alan Jones addressing a rally

They start off on fairly solid ground, calling out Jones’ “trademark nastiness and unique mix of abuse and vitriol” but then gets straight into the weird by saying Queenslanders would be confused and shocked. Yeah, like Queenslanders are so fucking nice. I don’t say that as an insult – the idea that Queenslanders are such shrinking violets that they would be scared by some lunatics saying mean things on the radio is fucking ridiculous.

Then we get straight into the serious insults: the paper says “his progressive lifestyle and inner-city views have resulted in him becoming the pin-up boy” – see if you can spot the three phrases that are none to subtle code for “HE’S A FUCKING BENDER!” I don’t know if Jones has ever officially come out as gay but it’s not exactly a secret.

A lot of people have rightly pointed out that sort of lifestyle shaming is cheap and nasty. Like pretty much the majority of what’s printed in the Courier Mail. So why has arch-conservative Jones earned the ire of an arch-conservative Murdoch tabloid? He dared to speak out against fracking and advocate for farmers who believe it is damaging their farming land. And in Queensland, apparently being anything less than 100% committed to any and all mining makes you a filthy environmentalist.

I should actually get AIDzee to do a rant on Jones’ opposition to fracking because he has pretty strong opinions about it being bullshit. He’s pretty convinced Jones has been paid to do it, not that he has any deep commitment to the farmers involved (an angle I haven’t seen explored in the media). I think he bases this idea on Jones’ track record for saying whatever he’s paid to say and lying about his motivation.

While some people take exception to the way the Courier Mail alluded to Jones’ sexuality as a negative thing, the real insult they level is “green”. No less than three times the article alludes to him having an intimate relationship with The Greens – an idea that’s patently ridiculous. But hey, this is a Murdoch rag – who expects to see the truth there?

Oh, and the article wasn’t actually written by a journalist, it was written by the eastern Australia CEO of the Australian Petroleum Production and Exploration Association. So it’s a fucking sales pamphlet for the people doing the fracking. Even by Murdoch standards, that’s fairly disgusting.

On a lighter note, follow this link to hear Jones in full flight. He doesn’t like dust.