A conversation with Donald Trump’s campaign manager

Hey, how ya doin’? I’m Joey Soulfucker, Donald trump’s campaign manager. It’s a high pressure job but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. The question I’m always asked is “How do you think the campaign is going?” and my answer is always “unbelievably good!” I mean that literally. There is nobody in the campaign, right up to the Donald, who can believe things are going this well. It makes no sense. Any rational human knows Donny aint fit to run for president but that’s only half of it. It would make a bit more sense if he was running as an independent but he’s running as a Republican! He’s spoutin’ all that family values and jesus rubbish when he’s clearly a complete degenerate.

Now don’t get me wrong, I say that with love because I’m a degenerate too. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a goody two shoes. But the Donald doesn’t even try to hide what he is. His life and history is public and the divorces and womanising aint even close to the worst of it – you have no idea what sick stuff he’s really into. You think wanting to bang his daughter is the grossest thing about him? But he stands up and says “I love the bible” and the crowd goes wild. “Family values” and they eat it up. We figured early on that he’d get a bit of attention, say some outrageous things and we’d use the boost to his profile to go on talk shows and sell books. We didn’t even think he’d make it half way to the first caucus vote, let alone be leading.

I mean, come on! What kind of idiot would vote for the Donald Trump that’s been campaigning? He’s mean, nasty, obviously lying, completely out of touch with reality… I know I just described a decent chunk of America but how can they not see he’s making fun of them? Half the time the things he says don’t even make sense – he’s up on the stage being a gibbering idiot but his popularity keeps going up and up! We’ve started making bets on what outrageous things he can say and get away with it. I’ve lost so much money on those bets!

The shooting someone in the street – that one was mine. Donny was laughing about how stupid his supporters were and how it had gotten to the point that it didn’t matter what he said – they’d support him no matter what. So I thought I was calling his bluff, I said “OK, come out and say that, say you could shoot someone and they’d still love you” and he said “Just watch me”.

Think about it – someone running for president, the frontrunner for one of the major parties starts saying it doesn’t matter if he shoots someone! No rational person would say that. In The Donald’s case, it’s no serious person would say this. He’s been treating this as a joke for months. He was already probably the biggest ego in the country but now, when he doesn’t have to care what he says? He’s a force of nature. He doesn’t have to make sense. He doesn’t have to be consistent. He doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything.

I thought I’d finally found the limit with the KKK. First, I thought he’d back down when I told him not to reject the endorsement. Then when he called my bluff I knew he was done with this whole thing and wanted out. Even he’s getting embarrassed about how stupid people are. But it doesn’t make any goddam difference! They don’t care!

Seriously, his supporters are a rampaging mob of psychopaths. They make racist attacks on people, actual physical attacks and he just eggs them on. He says they’re “passionate”. In no sane world can a presidential candidate whip up a mob with hate speech and get away with it.  But Donald can in this world.

I’m not gonna surprise anyone by saying Donny aint the sharpest tool in the shed but he knows people. Hey, I’m in PR and politics so I already think people are morons. Nasty, greedy, out for themselves idiots. But I wasn’t prepared for what this campaign showed me.  The Donald knew all along this was a joke. And the America that comes out of this ugly race is the punchline.

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Guys: just listen

First things first. I want every guy who sees this post to read this article first. Then read this one.  It’s more important than anything I’m going to say. 

I get evidence all the time that guys simply don’t understandwhat’s written in these articles. When I’ve pointed out that literally the only thing that will stop rape and sexual assault is if rapists stop doing it, they don’t understand. They say women women need to take responsibility. They don’t understand that saying this is an active encouragement to rapists. 

And they don’t understand that women do take responsibility. All day. Every day. 

Rapists don’t see themselves as bad people. Worse still, society doesn’t see them as bad people. More than half the time when I see rapes reported the rapist is defended along the lines of “that isn’t the guy I know… He shouldn’t have his life ruined.” Fuck. That. Shit. 

Rapists see themselves and their actions defended all the time. They see that it isn’t their fault. The women didn’t take enough precautions. They were asking for it. 

Any time you’ve questioned “what was she wearing… Why did she drink so much… Why was she there alone?” You have given a green light to rapists. You have actively told a rapist they did nothing wrong. This is every male’s responsibility. This is my responsibility to speak out. This is your responsibility as well. 

It’s way past time to step up. 

Gay Marriage destroyed by Australian Christian Lobby logic

I can confidently say Marriage Equality is completely doomed in Australia thanks to the sheer brilliance of the position put forward by the Australian Christian Lobby. Before I reveal this master stroke, a little bit of background:

Former Prime Minister and still very important person in his own deluded mind, Tony Abbott, is staunchly opposed to marriage equality. While PM, his strategy for refusing to allow marriage equality was to say he wanted to take it to a public vote, known as a plebiscite to allow the public to make the decision but this wouldn’t happen until the next federal election – so no action until 2017. He may have been doing this under the mistaken impression that a “no” vote would win (every opinion poll has shown strong support for marriage equality) but it was more likely simply a stalling tactic and he would have come up with another reason to not have a vote closer to 2017.

Whatever his let’s call it “thinking” was, it became much less relevant when he was hilariously dumped by his own party and replaced by the more socially progressive Malcolm Turnbull, a known supporter of marriage equality. Turnbull, however, is hobbled by the fact that a vocal ultra conservative minority of his own party seriously hates him and the even more conservative coalition partner, the National Party, hate him and his progressive ways even more. So in order not to drive them over the edge he stuck with Abbott’s proposal of a 2017 plebiscite and said the outcome of that would dictate whether or not the law changed.

Time passes and some facts started to penetrate even the thickest skulls of the marriage equality opponents in the government. The big one is that it is almost certain that the outcome of a plebiscite would be a win for the “yes” vote. This led to some of the more grotesque conservative voices in the government saying even if the plebiscite result was “yes” they would still vote against marriage equality. Which I’m sure makes sense in their diseased little minds:

“There can’t be a free vote in parliament because my side would lose so it has to go to the public but if my side loses there I’m still going to be a total jerk about it.”

To summarise, they said you couldn’t have a free vote in parliament (which would have almost resulted in a “yes” result), it had to go to a plebiscite. Then they said if they didn’t like the way a plebiscite went they’d vote against what the majority of the voting public wanted. This makes a plebiscite expensive, pointless and flat out stupid but opponents of marriage equality say it’s still necessary because… reasons. In short, they are utter pricks.

I’ve seen quite a few concerned LGBT commentators say a plebiscite on marriage equality would actually be quite dangerous for them because it would be used by opponents as a platform to spew hate and instigate violence. This seems to have been justified as the ACL are asking for anti-discrimination laws to be suspended so they can say what they want. Not that they’re planning to be obnoxiously bigoted or hateful mind you, they just don’t want to be prosecuted if they accidentally incite hatred and violence.

But the ACL are not just a hate group, they are purveyors of flawless logic and that’s how they will defeat any move towards marriage equality. In a recent interview, the leader of the ACL, Lyle Shelton, gave an utterly irrefutable argument as to why marriage equality is wrong.

In response to how he would be affected by someone else’s marriage he pointed out the “obvious”: if he told someone he was married and the gays were allowed to be married people might not automatically assume he was married to a woman. Because some men would be married to men some people might think he could be married to a man. And there are definitely people out there who give a shit who this clown is married to. But surely in the face of this unassailable logic the gays and the majority of the population who support their rights to marriage equality will simply give up.

Now you might argue that following this logic means because he’s male and some males are gay people might wonder if he’s gay but that’s just nitpicking. And if you searched for cases of leading anti-gay campaigners turning out to actually be gay you would only find dozens of examples. Or maybe hundreds. I can’t imagine what you would be getting at.

The chances of this guy being a closet case are barely above 50%.