Tag Archives: bicycle

Going commando

I’ve been riding to work lately.  I decided to take advantage of the fact that for the first time in ages I’m working within a practical biking distance from home.  As I’m grossly unfit that translates as about two suburbs or a half hour ride.  So I’ve been riding in when weather permits.  By “weather permits” I mean I’m a wuss and if it’s raining or looks like raining or has recently been raining I won’t ride my bike.  Work sucks enough without being cold and miserable when I get there.

I have a few reasons for biking it: health (hopefully gaining a little of), ecological benefits and the fact that although I only live 7km from work the fucked up public transport system means the trip takes at least 45 minutes most days.  I think I will dedicate a whole blog post to how fucked up the public transport system is.  So, I’m losing some weight, getting to work faster and feeling less stressed.  When cars don’t try to kill me (another whole blog post).

Anyway, I’m still experimenting with some aspects of the ride.  I take my work clothes in my backpack and there are shower facilities at work where I can get changed.  I’ve mixed and matched various pieces of work apparel to discover which ones survive being rolled up in my backpack best.  What I have learned is that I shouldn’t vary my behaviour too much because every fucking time I change something I forget something.

Today, I came up with a brilliant idea regarding my underwear.  I know this is a little intimate but I feel my audience is ready for it.  The decision was to not wear any while I was riding.  I have to change my sweaty jocks along with my other clothes when I get to work and I thought “Why bother?”  I don’t wear spandex when I ride so it isn’t as if I’d be putting the family jewels on show (the way people decide they have to start wearing fucking spandex as soon as they start riding a bike is worth another blog post as well.)  So I thought just wear trakky daks and change into undies along with my work clothes.

It made sense but that one change in behaviour fucked me up!  Because I wasn’t wearing underwear, I forgot to fucking packing any!  So I get to work and I’m forced to face the whole day commando-style!  And considering I’m wearing woollen suit pants, it’s an uncomfortable experience.  Besides the chafing, I hate the swinging in the breeze feeling.  So much so, I think I’m going out shopping for some underwear.

Man, I HATE freeballing.



Filed under General Angriness

An angry train encounter

I’ve been going to jon interviews this week which involves the joys of public transport (parking is far too much of a hassle in the city to drive in).  We’re getting our first hot days of summer and I seem to keep lucking in to getting on trams, trains and/or buses with non-functioning air conditioning.  Plus, in Melbourne the public transport is usually absurdly crowded.

Maybe they aren’t broken.  Maybe it’s a deliberate plot.  It could be that the government is conducting large-scale experiments to see how the populace will respond to being crushed into a small space while being subjected to high heat and humidity.

If that’s the case, you can suspend the experiments now.  The results are in.  People in that situation get pissed off.

Coming home yesterday I found myself stuck on the tram from hell.  Literally, judging from the internal temperature.  My mood had gotten progressively worse until it reached the point where I was planning the order in which I would kill people when I finally snapped.  Hmmm, he looks easy… she’d be a pushover… I bet his head would pop right off… oooh, he looks tough, I’d better throw some frail bodies between me and him…

I was just about ready to put my plan into action when the tram passed a train station.  I took a punt that a train would be less hellish and jumped ship.  This turned out to be a good choice – the train was considerably less crowded.

There were a few seats empty in the vestibule of the train but somebody had a bike leaned up against them.  These are the type of seat that flip up if nobody is sitting in them so they were flush with the wall, which doubtless seemed like a good thing to the bike owner.  I thought I might actually sit in one of the seats that were designed with humans in mind rather than bikes.  It seemed like a reasonable plan but it led to the exchange detailed in the following video:


Filed under Video Blogging