Tag Archives: doctor

Angry at the doctor’s office

So I had the wonderful experience of spending half an hour in the waiting room of a doctor’s office today.  My first big question is how do doctors manage to be running late five fucking minutes after the day starts?  Why do I ever bother showing up on time for appointments?  There’s ALWAYS a half hour wait.

At least this doctor’s office has good magazines.  I passed the time by reading The New Yorker.  All right, I’ll be honest: I passed the time time by reading the cartoons in the New Yorker.  About 20 minutes into my wait I noticed something weird about a woman sitting opposite me.  Every time I looked up she was in exactly the same position, hunched over and writing furiously in a notebook.  And I mean EXACTLY the same position.

Normal people move occasionally.

A few minutes later, the answer started to reveal itself.  I was reading when I noticed a weird noise.  It’s a little hard to describe, it was a whiny, squeaky sound.  After a while I realised it wasn’t going away and looked up to see what it was.  And I was greeted by the sight of this… dude.  Said dud was wearing white track suit pants.  And nothing else.  And he was bent over, presenting me with a disturbing amount of arse crack.

Let me explain a little.  This doctor’s office is in St Kilda which is a rather seedy area of Melbourne.  So while it has nice beachfront and expensive real estate, it also has lots of junkies and hookers.  The situation was now becoming clear.  The obsessive tendencies of ice addicts tended to explain sitting lady’s weird behaviour.  Now it seemed as if some little druggie domestic dilemma was being played out for a full waiting room’s enjoyment.

Actually, I have to hand it to the junkies.  They kept it quiet.  It never got to be more than this weird, muted whining.  Anyway, after a few minutes Arse-Out-Of-Track-Suit-Pants man left and crazy lady went back to her weird behaviour.  She was now apparently bored with sitting still and scurried around obsessively tidying up the magazines (more classic ice user behaviour).

In retrospect, I’m sorry I didn’t get her number before she left.  I hate cleaning up my own place and I think that job would have kept her occupied for hours.  And she wouldn’t have stopped until everything was organised into neat piles, even if it meant not sleeping for 72 hours.

These really were considerate junkies, though.  They stayed quiet (if weird) while in the waiting room.  When crazy lady eventually went outside to meet up with arse man they spent a lot of time trying to attract the attention of someone called Paul.  By which I mean they spent 10 minutes in the middle of a busy road screaming “PAAAAAAUUUUUULLLLLLL!!!!!”

I have no idea why Paul didn’t rush out to meet them.

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Filed under General Angriness

Dr Phil says Britney Spears needs help. And the sky is blue.

I usually avoid writing about anything as obvious as “Britney Spears is fucked up” but a particular headline caught my eye as I was flicking through news sites.  For those who are interested, the process I usually follow when putting together an “Angry News” video for YouTube starts with looking through the major news sites.
I look for something that gets my attention.  It might be an important story but, to be honest, more often than not it’s a stupid story.  Or at best a “quirky” one.  Often what gets me is if there’s some sort of apparent contradiction in expectations in the headline (a tip of the hat to shrewd sub-editors everywhere).  Priests brawling in Jesus’ birthplace.  Dick Cheney cuddling a pussy cat.  That sort of thing.
So last night the one that caught my eye was “Dr Phil says Britney Spears needs psychological intervention“.  Of course, the obvious reaction is “No shit, Sherlock.”  So I ignored it and kept looking but I could not get it out of my head.  Has there ever been a headline that stated the fucking obvious as if it was an insight more than that one?  Was there some sort of competition in the newsroom to come up with the most fucked headline imaginable?
And then there was the fact that the story embodied so many things that piss me off.  The degeneration of media into shallow crap.  The obsession with celebrity.  Fucked up people who have every privilege imaginable yet still self-destruct (try talking to someone who has REAL problems).  Fucked up people like Dr Phil stating the blindingly obvious.  And the pathetic notion that we all need some self-appointed TV expert to solve our problems.  As opposed to, you know, taking some personal responsibility.
And so I decided to channel all of that frustration into a video.  Let me make this clear first: I’m not really ragging on Britney Spears at all.  She’s a fucking basket case.  Spending any time dwelling on that would just be cruel.  And while I’m frequently cruel, I don’t feel like spending time on it today. 
No, the target of my ire he is Dr Phil.  Maybe I’m being too harsh on him.  Maybe it’s the media idiots responsible for focusing on his blindingly obvious statement.  But I don’t really give a shit.  Is this blog called “Reasonable 365 days a year”?  I think not.  Eat shit Dr Phil.

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Filed under Video Blogging

One job I won’t be doing

I’ve mentioned a few times I’m leaving my current job soon.  I don’t know what my next job will be but I’ve come to the realisation that there are some jobs I can’t do.  It may surprise you to learn this, but there are some jobs that aren’t suited to people prone to explosive outbursts of anger.

So yeah, I figure that I’ll never be a starship captain.  And not only because Star Trek is fictional and I need a factual job.  It seems every crew from every series are a bunch of whiners.  I don’t think I’d even be able to limit myself to a phaser set to stun.  I’d be handing out photon torpedo suppositories.  And I’d tell the really annoying ones I was beaming them down to a planet to explore than make sure I missed by a few million kilometres and beamed them into the heart of a sun.

Although it would make for some great TV.

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Filed under Video Blogging