And when I’m in a mood I like to vent. A little while ago I posted a collection of “intellectual” insults under the title “When insults had class”. I saw the collection on a mailing list for graduates of my old college but versions of it have been circulating for years.
It really struck a chord with me when I saw it – I have been subjected to a barrage of brain-dead insults over the past 18 months (the life of this blog) so remembering that there have actually been people in the past who have taken time to craft a well-thought out articulate insult, well, that makes me nostalgic.
It seems I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Despite the fact that post was nothing more than a widely circulated list of quotes, it was the second most popular thing I’ve posted here. Right after the one about pooping your pants. So I have the measure of the internet – it’s all about insults and poop. Which plays to my strengths.
While I was greatly enamoured of the classy insults (they’re a great change from “you suck!”) there really are some people who don’t deserve that much effort. The world in general and the internet in particular is riddled with people who just need to be told to fuck off. I got going on this train of thought the other day when some moron swanned through and left an absurdly stupid comment about me not being funny. I’m more than OK with someone doesn’t like my approach but it helps if they express this in a less than moronic way.
Plus, this moron made the mistake of saying “no offence, but…” then following up with something incredibly offensive. By all means, say something offensive to me but if you value your safety don’t preface it around me with “no offense, but…” That sort of fucked up behaviour will earn you a smack upside your head if I get my way. If you’re going to be offensive, commit to it.
It’s like some of the morons I have to put up with on YouTube. The most pathetic idiots crop up on my anti-racist and anti-nazi videos. It’s bad enough that the world has so many people who are pathetic enough to self-identify as a nazi but even these dicks can’t seem to commit to an insult. You’d think if you were confessing to jacking off to mental images of Hitler in the nude you’d have the force of will to give a wholehearted insult. But a bizarre number of these dweebs punctuate their pathetic attempts at insults (usually some variation of “jew” or “fag”) with “LOL” or something equally insipid.
Seriously, are these guys the new stormtroopers of the white race or giggling teenage girls?
So anyway, I’ve been feeling motivated. Motivated to find the best way to tell someone to fuck off. To that end, I’ve been searching for quotes that feature graphic swearing. I’ve spent a couple of days picking them up from all over the place (which should shut up the fucking morons who went on about me “stealing” the other list – it’s kind of necessary with quotes for them to have been published somewhere else before).
Most of them are movie quotes although there are a few corkers from real world people. Because some of the real world ones are controversial to say the least I’ve made sure to source all of them. Of course the sources might be lying but I can’t really control that. Speaking of movie quotes, I have a question on a matter of style. Say I was quoting the Tony Montana character in Scarface played by Al Pacino. Should the quote read:
“Say hello to my little friend.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface
“Say hello to my little friend.” – Al Pacino (as Tony Montana) in Scarface
Oh, and I know that the quote is technically from the writer, not the actor who reads it but don’t get pedantic. I’ll be posting this collection in the next day or so, if you have some favourite swearing quotes of your own, feel free to lob them my way in the meantime.