Tag Archives: public

My new career as a public speaker

I am seriously working on developing a career change and moving into public speaking – specifically on IT and new media related topics.  I picture myself as being the “funny guy” they use to close IT conferences.  I’ve been thinking about this because

(a) I seem to have more first hand knowledge than most people I see presenting, and

(b) I’m a far better speaker than most people I see

And I want some of the money these people are making, dammit!  I want to be flown around the world to talk and be treated like I’m an expert!  Because I’m shallow that way.  I already have some presentation ideas I’m working on:

  • You’re stupid – what to do about it (for management conferences)
  • Project management – why it’s bollocks
  • IT staff – lazy, overpaid slackers or priceless diamonds you should cherish forever?
  • Why the latest internet fad is pointless but you should follow it anyway
  • And a presentation I’d love to give to the music and/or movie business: “You are evil, rapacious scum and your customers will eventually drag you into the street and burn you at the stake”

I’m looking forward to this new career.

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An angry train encounter

I’ve been going to jon interviews this week which involves the joys of public transport (parking is far too much of a hassle in the city to drive in).  We’re getting our first hot days of summer and I seem to keep lucking in to getting on trams, trains and/or buses with non-functioning air conditioning.  Plus, in Melbourne the public transport is usually absurdly crowded.

Maybe they aren’t broken.  Maybe it’s a deliberate plot.  It could be that the government is conducting large-scale experiments to see how the populace will respond to being crushed into a small space while being subjected to high heat and humidity.

If that’s the case, you can suspend the experiments now.  The results are in.  People in that situation get pissed off.

Coming home yesterday I found myself stuck on the tram from hell.  Literally, judging from the internal temperature.  My mood had gotten progressively worse until it reached the point where I was planning the order in which I would kill people when I finally snapped.  Hmmm, he looks easy… she’d be a pushover… I bet his head would pop right off… oooh, he looks tough, I’d better throw some frail bodies between me and him…

I was just about ready to put my plan into action when the tram passed a train station.  I took a punt that a train would be less hellish and jumped ship.  This turned out to be a good choice – the train was considerably less crowded.

There were a few seats empty in the vestibule of the train but somebody had a bike leaned up against them.  These are the type of seat that flip up if nobody is sitting in them so they were flush with the wall, which doubtless seemed like a good thing to the bike owner.  I thought I might actually sit in one of the seats that were designed with humans in mind rather than bikes.  It seemed like a reasonable plan but it led to the exchange detailed in the following video:

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Filed under Video Blogging