In my original draft of yesterday’s post, I included an explanation for most of the quotes I chose. I decided to run them unadorned because I thought maybe people might want to copy the quotes into emails and I thought I’d make that easy. So today I bring you the annotated version along with a video version.
I just love my swearing.
“Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.
I thought this was the perfect starting point: swearing isn’t necessarily gratuitous – sometimes it’s weilded with the precision of a tool.
“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens
It was hard to pick just one of Hudson’s lines but this one did it for me. Who hasn’t felt this way about some yuppie prick who’s screwed them?
“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket
The whole post was nearly Lee Ermey quotes from Full Metal jacket. Swearing was invented for this man.
“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America
In this quote the character was talking about why he wanted Ethel Rosenberg to get the death sentence. I thought it was (besides being a fine bout of swearing) a poignant reminder of some of the excesses of the current US administration.
“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist
She was such a cute little girl but she swore a blue streak when she got going.
“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski
The Big Lebowski is another movie that offered dozens of good swearing quotes but I liked the philosophy behind this one.
“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun
Besides the sheer brutality of this quote I liked it for that fact that before this movie Ryan Phillipe had been a rosy-cheeked teen heart-throb.
“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour
This is part of a long diatribe where the character says “fuck you” to pretty much everyone in New York. It’s an awesome soliloquy.
“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft
In case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://battellemedia.com/archives/001835.php
“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface
Tony Montana is another one who provided dozens of quality swearing quotes – I liked this one because it was relatively subtle.
“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks
This part of Hicks’ routine is hilarious – it goes on for a while and he keeps repeating “there’s no joke here – just kill yourself.”
“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet
I once saw a TV modified version of this movie where they replaced the work “fuck” with “freak”. It made Frank’s speeches very weird.
“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull
When Joe Pesci swears, you believe he means it.
“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin
From the man who built a whole routine around the swear words you can’t say on TV.
“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa
There’s something about an alcoholic Santa who swears continuously and indulges in anal sex in shopping mall change room on his breaks that appeals to me.
“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor
I used this one as it was one of the few times Pryor opened his mouth and didn’t say “fuck”.
“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush
Again, in case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://www.ronsuskind.com/newsite/articles/archives/000032.html
“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut
What better way to round things off? Swearing really doesn’t hurt anyone. Fuck anyone who says different.