Tag Archives: quotes

Best fucking quotes – the annotated version

In my original draft of yesterday’s post, I included an explanation for most of the quotes I chose. I decided to run them unadorned because I thought maybe people might want to copy the quotes into emails and I thought I’d make that easy. So today I bring you the annotated version along with a video version.

I just love my swearing.

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.
I thought this was the perfect starting point: swearing isn’t necessarily gratuitous – sometimes it’s weilded with the precision of a tool.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens
It was hard to pick just one of Hudson’s lines but this one did it for me. Who hasn’t felt this way about some yuppie prick who’s screwed them?

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket
The whole post was nearly Lee Ermey quotes from Full Metal jacket. Swearing was invented for this man.

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America
In this quote the character was talking about why he wanted Ethel Rosenberg to get the death sentence. I thought it was (besides being a fine bout of swearing) a poignant reminder of some of the excesses of the current US administration.

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist
She was such a cute little girl but she swore a blue streak when she got going.

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski
The Big Lebowski is another movie that offered dozens of good swearing quotes but I liked the philosophy behind this one.

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun
Besides the sheer brutality of this quote I liked it for that fact that before this movie Ryan Phillipe had been a rosy-cheeked teen heart-throb.

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour
This is part of a long diatribe where the character says “fuck you” to pretty much everyone in New York. It’s an awesome soliloquy.

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft
In case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://battellemedia.com/archives/001835.php

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface
Tony Montana is another one who provided dozens of quality swearing quotes – I liked this one because it was relatively subtle.

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks
This part of Hicks’ routine is hilarious – it goes on for a while and he keeps repeating “there’s no joke here – just kill yourself.”

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet
I once saw a TV modified version of this movie where they replaced the work “fuck” with “freak”. It made Frank’s speeches very weird.

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull
When Joe Pesci swears, you believe he means it.

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin
From the man who built a whole routine around the swear words you can’t say on TV.

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa
There’s something about an alcoholic Santa who swears continuously and indulges in anal sex in shopping mall change room on his breaks that appeals to me.

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor
I used this one as it was one of the few times Pryor opened his mouth and didn’t say “fuck”.

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush
Again, in case anyone doesn’t believe this one, here’s the source: http://www.ronsuskind.com/newsite/articles/archives/000032.html

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut
What better way to round things off? Swearing really doesn’t hurt anyone. Fuck anyone who says different.


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Filed under Video Blogging

Best Swearing Quotes Ever

“Life is a four letter word” – Lenny Bruce

Even Lenny Bruce, the master of profanity, knew how to be subtle. But sometimes subtlety simply doesn’t cut it…

Fuck is my chisel.” – Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan explaining to an American audience why he needs to swear.

“I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now.” – Hudson (Bill Paxton) in Aliens

“You had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!” – Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey) in Full Metal Jacket

“Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!” – Roy Cohn (Al Pacino) in Angels in America

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” – Regan (Linda Blair) in The Exorcist

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.” – Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) in The Big Lebowski

“Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.” – Mr Parker (Ryan Phillipe) in The Way of the Gun

“Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it!” – Monty Brogan (Ed Norton) in 25th Hour

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft

“You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface

“(if you work in advertising or marketing) You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself, it’s the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself” – Bill Hicks

“I’ll send you a love letter straight from my heart, fucker. Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fuckin’ gun, fucker. If you receive a love letter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I’ll send ya straight to hell, fucker!” – Frank Boothe (Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet

“Your mother sucks big fuckin’ elephant dicks, you got that?” – Joey LaMotta (Joe Pesci) in Raging Bull

“So I say live and let live… Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker.” – George Carlin

“Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” – Willie (Billie Bob Thornton) in Bad Santa

“Bitch was so fine I’d suck her daddy’s dick.” – Richard Pryor

“We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him. We will ruin him. Like no-one has ever fucked him!” – Karl Rove, senior advisor to George W Bush

“What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!” – Eric Cartman in South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Quality swearing compiled for you at https://angryaussie.wordpress.com

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Filed under General Angriness

I’m in a mood

And when I’m in a mood I like to vent.  A little while ago I posted a collection of “intellectual” insults under the title “When insults had class”.  I saw the collection on a mailing list for graduates of my old college but versions of it have been circulating for years.

It really struck a chord with me when I saw it – I have been subjected to a barrage of brain-dead insults over the past 18 months (the life of this blog) so remembering that there have actually been people in the past who have taken time to craft a well-thought out articulate insult, well, that makes me nostalgic.

It seems I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.  Despite the fact that post was nothing more than a widely circulated list of quotes, it was the second most popular thing I’ve posted here.  Right after the one about pooping your pants.  So I have the measure of the internet – it’s all about insults and poop.  Which plays to my strengths.

While I was greatly enamoured of the classy insults (they’re a great change from “you suck!”) there really are some people who  don’t deserve that much effort.  The world in general and the internet in particular is riddled with people who just need to be told to fuck off.  I got going  on this train of thought the other day when some moron swanned through and left an absurdly stupid comment about me not being funny.  I’m more than OK with someone doesn’t like my approach but it helps if they express this in a less than moronic way.

Plus, this moron made the mistake of saying “no offence, but…” then following up with something incredibly offensive.  By all means, say something offensive to me but if you value your safety don’t preface it around me with “no offense, but…”  That sort of fucked up behaviour will earn you a smack upside your head if I get my way. If you’re going to be offensive, commit to it.

It’s like some of the morons I have to put up with on YouTube.  The most pathetic idiots crop up on my anti-racist and anti-nazi videos.  It’s bad enough that the world has so many people who are pathetic enough to self-identify as a nazi but even these dicks can’t seem to commit to an insult.  You’d think if you were confessing to jacking off to mental images of Hitler in the nude you’d have the force of will to give a wholehearted insult.  But a bizarre number of these dweebs punctuate their pathetic attempts at insults (usually some variation of “jew” or “fag”) with “LOL” or something equally insipid.

Seriously, are these guys the new stormtroopers of the white race or giggling teenage girls?

So anyway, I’ve been feeling motivated.  Motivated to find the best way to tell someone to fuck off.  To that end, I’ve been searching for quotes that feature graphic swearing.  I’ve spent a couple of days picking them up from all over the place (which should shut up the fucking morons who went on about me “stealing” the other list – it’s kind of necessary with quotes for them to have been published somewhere else before).

Most of them are movie quotes although there are a few corkers from real world people.  Because some of the real world ones are controversial to say the least I’ve made sure to source all of them.  Of course the sources might be lying but I can’t really control that.  Speaking of movie quotes, I have a question on a matter of style.  Say I was quoting the Tony Montana character in Scarface played by Al Pacino.  Should the quote read:

“Say hello to my little friend.” – Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface

or

“Say hello to my little friend.” – Al Pacino (as Tony Montana) in Scarface

Oh, and I know that the quote is technically from the writer, not the actor who reads it but don’t get pedantic.  I’ll be posting this collection in the next day or so, if you have some favourite swearing quotes of your own, feel free to lob them my way in the meantime.

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Filed under General Angriness